


You could draw me to fire

by blackeyedsoul



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: A lot of firsts, Alternate Universe - Historical, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-02-22 04:22:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2494274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackeyedsoul/pseuds/blackeyedsoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harvey Specter is the principal of an elite School for boys in the late 19th Century .<br/>He is more feared than liked by his students and colleagues and that is exactly what he wants.<br/>Until one day a new teacher joins his staff...</p>
<p>(There will be explicitness but not very soon to say the least!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be slow built!  
> There will be explicitness but not very soon to say the least! 
> 
> I am beyond thankful for my very, very patient and impossibly sweet , funny and supportive beta [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) who so generously wastes her 'marveylous' talent on editing my crazy! I really cannot thank her enough!

Horizontal rain poured down that late summer day and the endless grey sky blended seamlessly into the steady rain. Two horses pulled the carriage with force through the never ending wall of falling water. The coach driver was soaking wet, small trickles ran from the brim of his topper and formed a little pool of water in the man's lap. He stoically tried to move as little as possible, the destination was already close and soon the horrible trip would be over.

The wooden, fabric-covered ceiling of the cabin was soaked, making the inside of the wagon uncomfortably clammy. Small drops of water had started to drip down in the corners of the cabin hours ago.  
Mike Ross shivered and tucked his woolen coat tighter round his shoulders, crossing his arms around his chest to create at least the illusion of warmth. He felt a little sick from the constant rocking and shaking. The roads where muddy and made it hard for the horses to drag the vehicle through the sticky loam.

Six hours had passed since Mike had embarked the carriage at Harvard University to travel down the coast for his very first assignment as a teacher for English Literature, Latin and Ancient Greek. Well, he could also be teaching Mathematics, Geography, History or even Philosophy – he had graduated in all of them, but that was not what the school was looking for at the moment.

Mike had graduated at a very young age, he was only 21 now and had already been hired by one of the most respected private boarding schools on the East Coast. It was a school for the sons of the very rich and famous and only the best of the best were accepted. That applied to the staff as well and to the equipment, too. Generations of rich heirs had been educated at Woodlands and an employment at that school was definitely a good start for Mike's career.

The new school year was about to start in four days and Mike had decided to arrive early to be able to get to know everything before the students were going to show up on Sunday.  
He had heard that the principal was very punctilious and strict and had a thing for rules and utmost discipline, that he did not cut you any slack and was very hard to satisfy. Mike had never met the man before since he hadn't been the one who hired him.  
The school was owned by some very rich Harvard alumnus who only hired the best of the best for his school and only from his former alma mater.  
Mike's genius had drawn the man’s attention.

That was why Mike Ross’s carriage took a turn to pass the huge iron gate and followed a broad white gravel path that ended in a round driveway centered by a beautiful fountain in front of the huge, very impressive and almost castle-like mansion.  
"Holy shit," Mike mumbled to himself as his carriage drove a half circle around the big fountain, Poseidon and Antiope in tender embrace, and the horses came to a stop in front of the portal.  
A middle-aged woman in a typical black and white maid’s dress and a man in his late 40ies, Mike guessed, where already waiting for them, both holding huge umbrellas to get Mike and his luggage halfway dry out of the rain. It was evidently too late for the driver to have use for an umbrella. 

The woman smiled very warmly and in a welcoming way. Mike liked her the second he saw her. The driver had stopped the horses as close to the entrance as possible and the friendly looking woman hurried down the stairs and shielded Mike from the rain.

"Mr. Ross, so pleased to meet you! And welcome to Woodlands. My name is Robertha, or Bertha, I am the housekeeper. Come on, let's get both of you out of the rain."  
The man at her side greeted Mike with a smile and a brief nod before he hurried to unload the carriage with the help of Mike’s driver.  
Mike watched the poor soaked man and turned to Robertha who had dragged him under the canopy.

"Can you get my driver dry clothes and a place to warm up? I hope he's not getting pneumonia from this horrible trip."  
Robertha smiled from one ear to the other and patted Mike's shoulder.  
"Don't worry, we'll take care of him. Now come inside and get a cup of coffee first or tea if you prefer."  
Mike followed Robertha inside. 

None of them were aware of the pair of eyes that had watched the arrival very closely from behind the curtains on the third floor. The principal was not content with the choice the owner of his school had made. The new teacher was only a child. Maybe one with an impressive education but still a child. He needed someone who was able to keep his pupils under control and strict watch and not someone who was very likely to fraternize with his students and was probably full of beans himself.

Downstairs Mike stood in the lobby with his mouth open and wide eyes:  
"God gracious, this is breathtaking!"  
The hall and the whole building were huge, beautiful and impressive. It would not even have been exaggerated to call it a little castle.  
The entrance hall was round and a big staircase which parted in the middle to the right and the left led to the first floor. Mike bent his head back and looked upwards. The hall had a hug glass dome and the staircase spiraled upwards and conjoined the three stories. The floor was black and white marble tiles forming a checker pattern. Right in front of Mike, where the stairs parted, hung a huge oil painting of an elderly man in a 17th century outfit. Mike figured that it had to be the founder of the school or something like that.  
Bertha interrupted Mike's amazed contemplation.

"Well, Mr. Ross, I suggest I show you your room first. Then you can change and maybe get settled a bit. If it is all right with you I get you in half an hour for coffee and then show you around. The students and most of your colleagues are going to arrive on Sunday, so you have time to learn your ways around here."

Mike had nothing to object to and followed Robertha to his room. The mansion was built in a U-shape and had an east wing and a west wing. The teachers had their rooms in the first and second floor of the east wing. Mike's room was on the second floor somewhere in the middle of a huge corridor with about five doors on every side. Robertha opened the first door on the right and led him inside his new home. Mike's luggage was already there. It was not very much. Two trunks and a bag were everything he had brought with him.  
The room was beautiful and much larger than he had expected. Robertha left him alone. 

Mike walked over to one of the two big windows and looked outside, admiring the view. A lovely arranged garden surrounded the mansion. Where the garden ended, green well groomed lawn began and everything was bordered with a stripe of wood. Behind the wood he could even catch a tiny glimpse of water. The coast was not far and Mike assumed he could easily reach it within a few minutes’ walk. He turned around and observed his room. It had an exquisite old hardwood floor in dark freshly oiled brown and a huge bed that probably was as old as the house itself. It was also made of dark wood and had for bedposts and a wooden sky. The room was big and high enough for the gigantic bed so it did not even seem cramped in.  
On the opposite side of the bed stood a table with four chairs and there was a nook with a very nice, very antique looking secretary desk and shelves for books and work material. Mike opened the first door next to the bureau and found a closet big enough for approximately everything he owned. The second door he opened led to a bathroom. That was luxurious! Obviously the building had been endowed with showers and running water in every quarter which was a big improvement compared to the single washroom on each floor at Harvard.

Mike decided to quickly freshen up a bit and put on a new suit. He still shivered from the humidity inside the carriage that had crawled into the fabric of his clothes during the six hours of constant rain. Since he was not yet familiar with the dress code at Woodlands he decided it would probably be best to go with the jacket and the tie until he had figured out if it was acceptable to be around in only his shirt and vest.  
Robertha had not yet appeared to pick him up so he started unpacking. He had not very many clothes and brought only a hand full of his books with him, only those who had some kind of sentimental value.  
When he was finished Robertha knocked and Mike followed her through the house once more.  
"I'll have Ray give you the full tour later. It will take a while to show you everything and I have a lot of work to do before everyone comes back.," Mike assumed Ray was the man who had helped with his luggage earlier, but the fellow had not spoken very much, so Mike was not sure. Robertha led him down the big snail-like stairway back to the entrance hall and beyond it into another corridor.  
"So for now you are only going to see the way from your room to the kitchen, but this is not an unimportant place to know." She smiled at him fondly. "You look like you could use a little more good food, young man."  
Mike wasn't bothered that the woman called him too thin. She was the ultimate mother figure and he was sure she thought of almost everyone in this house as her family.

The spacious kitchen was parted in two sections, one where the actual cooking happened and a second room with a huge wooden table big enough for at least ten people, probably a few more if they squeezed little. Black and white checker tiles covered the floor, just like in the hall, but these where smaller and not brightly polished. Everything in this kitchen seemed huge, due to the fact that they had to cook for so many people every day, from the iron stove to the ceiling-high cupboards that were filled with pans and plates and all kinds of kitchen utensils. 

Mike's driver was already seated at the well-used looking wooden table. Somebody had clearly given him fresh clothes and he seemed to have warmed up, a little color having returned to his face. Some kind of soup was steaming in front of him and he had already eaten most of it. Mike gave him a friendly smile and took the chair next to him.  
"I hope you can wait until the rain stops before you have to go back?"

The man nodded. "Yes sir, tomorrow should be a better day, I can stay here for the night and dry my clothes. The horses are too exhausted to go back anyway."  
Robertha reappeared and put a big cup of coffee in front of Mike and some kind of pie that looked absolutely delicious. Suddenly Mike realized that he was really hungry and his stomach growled audibly.  
Robertha giggled and patted his shoulder.  
"Eat, young man. There is more where this came from."  
"Thank you, Robertha." Mike scooped up a big piece and put it in his mouth.  
"That is heavenly," he complimented her when she came back with another cup of coffee which was obviously for herself because she also sat down at the table. Mike tried to not wolf down his pie and eat at least halfway mannerly when Robertha looked up and smiled at someone entering the room.  
The man who had helped with his luggage earlier joined them as well and this time Mike was introduced properly.  
"Mr. Ross, this is Ray, my husband. We work here together. I care for the house and everyone inside and Ray is in charge of everything around the house like the garden, the horses, the stables and the staff that is needed outside of the house."  
Ray was no man of many words but he shook Mike's hand. His hands where strong and calloused, clearly someone who worked hard.  
"Nice to meet you, Ray," Mike made an effort to stand up but Ray quickly waved his hand, signaling that that was unnecessary.  
"Likewise, Mr. Ross. I heard I am going to show you around when we are finished."  
He cast a small smile toward his wife and raised only one eyebrow in mockery. Bertha had obviously informed him on short notice about his task but he reassured quickly: "It's my pleasure".  
Mike liked Bertha's husband almost instantly as well. He might not talk very much but his eyes were warm and friendly and he seemed to be a calming pole.

Two hours later Mike collapsed on his huge bed and reviewed the day. He had spent six hours in that soaked, clammy carriage and his back hurt from the bumpy ride. Now he was tired but at the same time excited about this new place. His first job as a teacher and he had seemingly somehow found the golden bowl at the end of the rainbow. This school was perfect!  
Ray's tour had started inside the house. There were classrooms and quarters for the students in the opposite wing, the big dining hall where they were going to eat every meal of the day together when the house was full again. Mike's favorite place in the house was the library. Well, that might be a bit of a cliché for an English Literature teacher but he could not deny it, he loved books. But that was not the only reason. The library was huge and just very beautiful and old and cozy. It was all dark wood and armchairs and sofas and study tables and the smell of books.  
Then they had gone outside to see everything Ray was in charge of. The rain had finally given up and the sun had been beaming through the resolving clouds. The first thing Mike had fallen in love with outside was the porticoed inner courtyard. Inside the U-shape of the school was a very beautifully planted yard framed by a colonnade. If you just saw this part of the building you could easily imagine it to be part of an old monastery. 

Horseback riding was a part of the school's education. Some students even brought their own horses with them but the school also bread and trained its own animals.  
Ray was very proud of his work there, Mike had been able to tell that from the way his eyes had sparkled when he had talked about the horses. 

One of the animals had drawn Mike's attention instantly. It was a beautiful giant black Arabian. Mike had never seen such a beautiful, elegant and impressive horse. He had carefully stepped closer and had just watched it for a few seconds before he had taken another few steps, carefully stretching his right hand with the palm flat towards the horse's nose. The black beauty had made a small soft nicker and let Mike easily touch its forehead, it had even bowed its head a little to grant the human better access.  
Ray, who had left Mike alone for a few minutes to talk to another man who was busy cleaning out a horse box, had seemed impressed.  
"Blake seems to like you… That is very rarely seen. Some caregivers around here say the horse is the devil."  
"It is beautiful," Mike had whispered with his hand on Blake's velvety nose.  
"Is it your horse?"  
Ray had scoffed. „No, I cannot afford an Arabian! It's the principal's horse. He is a very good rider."  
Mike had turned around to face Ray: "I heard he is not the easiest person."  
Ray had mocked again, "Well, that is a very polite way to put it." He had shrugged. „You know I am not one for gossip, you'll see for yourself soon enough, but I would say he is just a troubled man and not very good with people."  
That had obviously been everything Ray had to say about this topic because he had given Mike a sign to follow him. "Let's go on, there is more to see."  
And there really had been more to see. The school had tennis courts and playing fields and all kinds of sports equipment and just everything one could possibly wish for.

At the end Mike had felt like he had taken a hiking tour. It was about five in the evening when they were finished and Mike had gone to his room and dropped on his bed. September was not far away anymore but the weather was still in full summer mode. The trees had not started yet to change color and the garden was still full of blooming flowers Mike could smell when he opened his windows.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike meets his new boss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should stop thanking  
> [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes)  
> at some point during this fic but be aware: Without her your eyes would probably start to bleed from all my mistakes!

A knock on the door pulled Mike out of his reminiscences and brought him back to his feet.  
"Come in."  
It was Bertha.  
"Mr. Specter wants to see you."  
Mike's heart did a small jump in his chest. Suddenly he felt a little like a school boy who was called to the principal’s office. He had heard so many not very pleasant things about the headmaster that he was indeed a little intimidated by the mere sound of the man’s name.

Mike was usually no one to be impressed easily since he was used to always be the smartest person in the room, no matter whom he met, but the punctilious principal who's reputation had made it all the way to Harvard might be an exception to that. 

In the corner next to his bed leaned a head-to-toe mirror and Mike quickly checked his appearance.  
He had put on a charcoal suit with even darker, very fine pinstripes earlier today, of course with a matching vest and a tie and a fresh white shirt. He liked this suit since it was one of his newer ones he had bought before he left for Woodlands. He wore his collar turned-down over his tie and his silver pocket watch chain dangled from the vest pocket to one of the buttonholes. It was the only thing he had left from his father. Mike tried to straighten his ruffled dirty-blonde hair but he surrendered after a few tries. It would not get any better and he was a grown ass man so he was going to get out there now and meet his new boss, end of story.

Again he followed Bertha through the house because he had no idea where Mr. Specter had his room or office or wherever he wanted to meet him. His very thoughtful guide cleared that up without being asked.

“Mr. Specter lives on the third floor but he has an office downstairs where the classrooms are. No one is allowed to his private rooms, everything that needs personal interaction with the headmaster is strictly limited to his office.”

Well, that sounded indeed a little sectional to Mike’s ears.  
Bertha left him at a closed door and said her good-night. "See you tomorrow for breakfast, Mr. Ross, good evening," and she was gone.  
Mike took one last deep breath. Darn, what was wrong with him? It was not like he had cheated on a test or something, he was a grownup who had graduated Harvard and in far more than only one subject, he had no reason to be nervous! Besides, he had already been hired!  
Finally his hand rose and he knocked on the heavy mahogany door.

"Come in," he heard on the other side and pressed the golden door handle down to enter the sacrosanct office of Mr. Specter.

The man was nothing like Mike had imagined him. In fact he was much younger than Mike had thought a headmaster would be. If he had to guess he would say his boss was in his mid-thirties.  
He sat behind a huge, antique-looking desk with nice inlaid work in the shiny black wood.  
Mike could not help but realize that the other man was extremely handsome. There was just no other way to put it, he was intimidatingly good-looking.  
The headmaster was working on something and did not look up when Mike entered. He kept on writing and pointed with one hand towards the chair in front of his desk.  
"Sit down, Mr. Ross, I’ll be right with you."

Mike sat down, folded his hands in his lap and waited for the other man to address him. That actually gave him a little time to behold the principal. Mr. Specter was wearing a white shirt with a standup collar and his tie in a bow knot. His suit was very dark shade of grey, almost black, and his brown hair was cut short and slightly slicked back.  
Mike had to interrupt his observations when his new boss stopped writing and finally looked up to meet Mike's eyes. 

The man had extremely dark eyes, and right now they did not look very friendly. Mike was instantly able to imagine that crossing this fellow would not be fun and how people got the idea that he had a block of ice for a heart.  
Mr. Specter looked at Mike for a few torturing silent seconds and the look on his face was skeptical, to say the least.  
Then his boss placed his forearms on the table, his fingers still holding the pen, and leaned forward just a hint. "Mr. Ross, let me get right to the point. You would not have been my choice for this appointment."  
Well, that was a really shitty introduction. Mike did not really want to believe what he had just heard.  
"I think you are far too young for this responsibility and probably not qualified to have teenage boys under your watch. I know you are very intelligent and you seem to have impressed a few important people, but be very clear that I am not impressed at all."

Mike realized that he was staring in disbelief and he could feel his throat tighten. Partly from anger that rose in his chest when he heard the tirade and partly from disappointment. This was not what he had expected.  
The cold stare that the other man shot at him was not only discouraging – it was actually frightening.

"I am going to keep a very close eye on you and I will not hesitate to send you back where you came from if you do something that does not fit into this school's agenda."  
Mike did not know what to say and before he could manage to think of something… anything appropriate, Mr. Specter added, his eyes already back on the paper in front of him, "That is everything for now, Mr. Ross. I just wanted you to be aware of that."

Mike was dismissed. Mr. Specter got back to his work and did not bother to look at him again so Mike rushed outside to get out of the lion’s den as fast as possible.  
He hurried back to his room and slammed the door shut before he leaned against the cool wood and let his head sink back. Shit, that had been the worst introduction in history! Shit, shit, shit – what had he done to deserve to have such a giant asshole as his first boss? What had he done to the fellow to make him doubt his abilities like that? Obviously this had all sounded too good to be true and now he had found the sting in the tail.  
It was already dark outside and Mike went over to the big window and opened it. Fresh night air flooded in and filled his lungs. The scent of flowers lingered in the air and Mike could smell the ocean. He took a few deep breaths. His spiraling thoughts slowed down and he went back to collapse on the bed.

He must have fallen asleep right then and there because the next thing he realized was bright sunlight that pierced through is closed eyelids. Still sleepy, Mike rolled out of bed. His back was still a little sore and felt stiff but it was much better than yesterday after the long ride in the carriage.  
His suit was crinkled after he had involuntarily slept in it and he needed a shower. Mike was still amazed to have his own bathroom with white tiles and a brand new shower but his amazement faded quickly when he remembered how the day had ended yesterday. His stomach tightened with disappointment. He had not been prepared for such a hostile reaction towards him and his young age. Well he would have to prove Mr. Specter wrong and that he would do.

This time he left his jacket behind and went down to the kitchen in a fresh white shirt, tie, trousers and his vest. Bertha and Ray were already sitting at the kitchen table and this time two women in chambermaids' dresses were with them. Of course a huge house like this had to have a lot more staff to keep it maintained.  
Bertha smiled her warm, friendly smile which made Mike feel better right away.  
“Good morning, Mr. Ross. These are Heather and Abigail, they are in charge of the quarters of the students and teachers. If it wasn't for them we would be drowning in dirty socks and food remains.”  
Both woman smiled at him and giggled. He guessed both of them where in their forties and like Berta the motherly type which was probably a good choice in a house full of teenage boys. 

They had breakfast together and Mike also met the kitchen staff which included two cooks George and Harrison, with their wives Tessa and Fanny. They lived in the servants' houses at the other side of the garden. Mike had seen them the day before and learned that most of the staff had houses or rooms on the property – the gardeners, stable workers, housekeepers and a few more.

Since the students would not arrive until Sunday Mike still had two free days to explore the area, so he asked Ray, who was sipping his morning coffee,  
“Is there any chance I could take one of the horses today? I'd love to take a look around.”

“Of course, you can ride my horse whenever you want, I don't have enough time for it anyway. It will be happy if you were to move it from time to time.”  
Mike thanked him and Ray told him he could go to the stables anytime, one of the boys was always there to give him his sorrel.  
After that was agreed upon Bertha had another burning question. ”How did it go with our headmaster yesterday evening? You never met him before… Did he put the fear of god in you? You know, that's what he does.”

Mike lowered his eyes to the table before he answered. He could not help it but the thought of Harvey Specter behind his desk made him feel like a little school boy again and he hated that. “Well, it was not very pleasant. He practically told me he does not want me here and he will get rid of me whenever he gets a chance. He thinks that I am too young for this job and that I am unfit for his school. That was his message.”  
Bertha looked flabbergasted.  
“Yes, that is a bit much even for him. Don't worry, Mr. Ross, I am sure you will prove him wrong and even if he is impolite as hell he is not unjust. He may be grumpy but he always wants the best for the school!”

When breakfast was finished everybody disappeared into different directions to get to work and Mike decided to change and get to the stables. He had nothing specific to do and the ride would help him leave behind that tight feeling that had settled in his guts since he met Mr. Specter.

Mike loved horses and he loved riding, he was a fairly good rider, too. Back home he had owned his own horse since he was a boy but when he left for Harvard he had to leave it behind and had not been on a horseback since then. It felt good to be able to do this again. Ray's horse, Daisy, was no Arabian but she was young and beautiful and very well trained. Mike rode through the garden and dove into the woods that surrounded the school. The sun met the earth that was still wet from the heavy rain yesterday and filled the air with an intoxicating and wonderful smell of wood, leaves and wild herbs. As soon as he left the trees behind the view opened to the blue sea. 

He steadied the horse and indulged in the sight. From where he stood, at the brim of the wood, he could overlook a green meadow that slowly blended into a sandy beach with wild, huge black rocks. He let Daisy fall into a slow and easy trot and steered her down to the beach. Mike thought he could probably sit there for hours and just look at the water and the endless horizon, smelling the sea and soaking in the sunlight while doves cried over his head. Surreptitiously, even unnoticed by himself his thoughts wandered to his new boss and he pondered how someone could live on this alluring spot of earth in a wonderful building like the school and yet be so legendary cantankerous.

A few hours later, Mike had fallen asleep in the sun, he got back on the horse and rode along the beach and back to the school in a wide circle. He found the next town was not that far from the school, approximately about half an hour. There where shops and a little port, pubs everything one might need. Mike set it on his to-do list to have a drink there someday soon. It could do no harm to get to know new people and that town would also be the place to get two or three new suits.  
It was evening when he got back to the school and Bertha was just crossing the hall with a tray.

She greeted him with her warm smile. "Good evening, Mr. Ross! I hope you had a good time today! I'll get this to Mr. Specter." She made a small gesture with her chin towards the tray in her hand.  
"I hope you are hungry! Dinner is ready in the kitchen, I’ll be right with you."  
Mike hurried into his room to get rid of his riding clothes and put some fresh pants and a shirt on. He indeed was starving.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rather short but I hope I'll be able to post the next one really soon!

On Sunday morning the whole mansion came to life. The quiet time-honored rooms and corridors where buzzing and humming like a bee hive. Carriages lined up on the driveway and continuously spat out parents, children, Nannie, suitcases and all kinds of other luggage.

Fifty boys between 10 and 18 attended the school and they were all delivered today by their parents or nannies or whoever took care of them. Plus ten teachers, Mike included. Some of the teachers brought their families with them – all in all it was a big crowd that swamped the school for a few hours and turned everything upside down.  
Mike was especially curious to get to know his new colleagues and it did not take long until a very nice-looking couple appeared in the entrance hall carrying suitcases. Robertha who thankfully had tried to stay near Mike's side as much as possible and introduce him to everyone greeted the couple warmly. The woman was very beautiful with red hair, pale skin and an undeniably well-shaped body. The man next to her was equally good looking and seemed very debonair. Both hugged Bertha who waved at Mike to come closer.  
“Mike Ross, these are Donna and Stephen Huntley. Stephen is our Biology teacher and Donna is his wife. She is practically the one who keeps this whole thing here running.   
And this is Mike Ross, Classics and English Literature."  
They all shook hands and Mike liked both of them at first sight.  
"So nice to meet you, please call me Donna, since we are all stuck here for at least one year."   
Donna laughed and raised here eyebrows.   
"Well, you look really young, Mike... Did you come right from grammar school?"   
She laughed again and Mike really liked her uncomplicated way and he knew he was young and looked even younger, so he did not mind her teasing at all.   
"I actually graduated early. I am a fast learner." Mike smiled and skipped the genius part by deflecting. "Let me help you with your luggage."  
“That would be wonderful," Donna instantly took him up on his offer and Stephen smiled brightly, giving Mike a friendly smack to the shoulder.  
“Very obliging, come with me.”   
When Mike saw the big pile of suitcases that Stephen headed to he almost regretted his offer but they managed to get everything upstairs to Stephen’s and Donna’s apartment in two walks. The couple lived next to Mike and their quarters were a lot bigger than Mike’s room.  
They started unpacking and Mike strolled back down into the hall to see who else was coming.   
The whole afternoon Mike shook countless hands. He met students and parents and more of his colleagues, Louis Litt, for example, the Mathematics and Physics teacher, or Daniel Hardman, a man with a grey beard and grey hair who taught Chemistry.  
Mike was relieved because everybody seemed to be very likable.

Harvey Specter stood behind the open windows of his private office on the third floor and watched the coming and going of coaches on the driveway. The white curtains hid him from everyone’s eyes down in the garden. Harvey sipped on his Scotch. Soon everybody who did not belong here would be gone and school routine would be back to normal.   
A knock on the door made him smile around the brim of the crystal glass. He knew who was knocking and before he said something the door was already being pushed open. Harvey turned around and met his visitor half way through the big room that was his private study. She threw her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tight.  
"Harvey, so good to see you again. How are you?"  
Harvey was still smiling and gave her a quick once-over. “Donna, you look beautiful as always. I assume you had a nice summer."  
He turned and went to his liquor cabinet to pour her two fingers of his scotch. With the amber liquid swirling in the crystal he returned to her.  
"I am fine, Donna, thank you. Have a seat, tell me."  
They moved to his chaise lounge and sat down. "How is Stephen?"  
Donna took a sip.  
"He is fine. His parents say Hello, so does my mum... You know she is still secretly in love with you – she has been ever since she met you at my wedding and the fact that you are responsible for me meeting Stephen only makes it worse. She is convinced I would have never found – and I quote now- ‘such a fine man on my own’.”  
They both laughed.  
"Did you stay here all summer, Harvey?"  
He nodded. "Almost".  
"Did you visit her?"   
The smile left his lips and was replaced by a warning look.  
Donna knew she was close to one of Harvey's personal boundaries but she had always balanced along those and she knew Harvey was not mad at her because of that. He stared into his glass and then took a gulp before he answered.  
"I was there once. She did not recognize me."  
That was all he intended to say.  
Donna nodded and chanced the subject.  
"So, the new teacher, Michael Ross. He seemed nice."  
Harvey scoffed.  
"I don't like him and I already told him that I intend to watch him very closely."   
Donna shook her head frantically.   
„What? Why? Give the boy a chance!"  
"There you go! He is just a boy! A boy teaching boys – how is that supposed to work?"   
Donna rose with a little sigh from Harvey's sofa.  
"Harvey, you are a hopeless case! I am sure he did not graduate Harvard painting watercolor pictures so you should perhaps consider giving him a chance. I'll go and finish unpacking now. See you at dinner, Harvey!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised a new chapter very soon, so here it is.

Around six in the evening the pandemonium subsided bit by bit. More and more carriages left the driveway and the boys settled in their rooms on the other side of the building. Everybody was getting ready for their first dinner of the new school year in the big dining hall.   
It would be the starting signal for everybody at Woodlands. Daily routine was about to be back.

Like everything else Mike had seen so far the dining hall was impressive – even more so when it was illuminated and filled with people like it was now.   
Chandeliers, big as cartwheels, lightened the room and more giant oil paintings of doubtlessly very important people, important for the school at least, decked the walls. The boys wore their uniforms or rather the same grey suits with blue ties. Several huge tables with heavy wooden wingback chairs were evenly arranged in the hall and the chairs were already taken by a hungry crowd.   
Mike crossed the room wondering where he was supposed to sit until he spotted two tables at the front end of the hall that where filled with grownups. When he got closer Louis was the first to see him and waved for Mike to come over. Mike was grateful for the invitation and took it with a relieved smile.   
“Mr. Ross, come on, sit with us.”  
Mike sat down on the chair next to Louis and looked around.  
There were Daniel, the Chemistry teacher, Travis Tanner who taught History and his wife Katrina who gave Music classes and taught Piano. Besides the Music classes most of the boys learned an instrument and the teachers taught them depending on which instrument they played themselves.  
There was a second table for teachers and Mike looked over there to check if he had met everyone today. There was Cameron Dennis, the French teacher, Stephen and Donna and Dominic Barone, who taught Art History, with his wife Johanna, who was in charge of Etiquette classes. Mr. Specter taught Philosophy but he was not there yet. Donna, Mike had learned earlier, was something like Mr. Specters right hand. She took care of the administrative duties around the whole property. There was not piece of paper that did not go through her hands and no appointment she did not arrange. 

All of a sudden the conversations died down and the hall went quiet. Mike turned his head to see what was happening when his eyes fell on Principal Specter, who was about to cross the hall. Mike realized he hadn't seen the man all day.  
He had obviously felt no necessity to talk to parents or students or the teachers when his school had come back to life today. Who was this man? An eremite?  
Mr. Specter crossed the hall with long confident strides. Mike could see that he was content that everyone fell quiet at his appearance. The headmaster wore a dark brown suit. The cutaway reached down to his knees and was impeccably tailored right to his muscular frame. His shirt had one of those almost painfully looking high collars which were very fashionable at the moment and were worn with a tie.  
Mike realized that he was staring at his new boss who approached the space between the two teachers' tables from where he could face the students and could be seen by everybody in the room.

The principal seemed to be an intimidating man by nature, and truth be told, it comforted Mike to see that he was not the only person who felt this way about the headmaster.   
All eyes were turned to Mr. Specter as he started to speak to the assembly. Mike did not really listen to his speech, as he was occupied with watching the man himself. The headmaster talked about rules and obedience and that everybody expected the personal best from each of them... It was all about performance and achievements. There was not one friendly or welcoming word in this harangue. Mike wondered if he was supposed to train racehorses since it didn't sound as if this was about teaching and learning at all. The principal’s eyes seemed to burn holes into every single one of the boys. Mike watched their faces. The students where all big eyes and open mouths. There was not one of them who was not dearly afraid of their headmaster and that seemed to be exactly what the man wanted. He did not want his students' affection or trust, he did not want to be liked – he wanted to be feared. Mike observed the faces of his colleagues around him. Even the grownups listened to him barely breathing but he could see that a few eyes were rolled and lips pressed together tightly.

Mike got the feeling that he was not the only one Mr. Specter gave a hard time. Only Donna and Stephen seemed completely free of hard feelings. Their faces were open and relaxed during the speech and Louis' face looked more like admiration than rejection. Mr. Specter seemed to have at least one admirer.   
What Mike had seen so far the faculty was very friendly and nice with each other but their boss didn't seem to be a part of that. From the way he had been treated by him the day before Mike could fully understand why, but it also made him curious what was going on here. There had to be a reason for such an uptight behavior.  
After he had finished his speech Mr. Specter took a seat at the second teachers' table. The maximum interaction was him greeting the teaching staff with a brief nod. In the dining hall there was a strict no-talking rule for the students as soon as the principal was present.

When dinner was served Louis whispered to Mike.  
”Mr. Specter says he'll go insane if we allow fifty kids to talk during the meals. It does not apply to us but we try to keep it very quiet, otherwise it would be unfair to the boys. How are they supposed to keep silent when we tell each other bad jokes, right? ”   
Mike nodded and secretly wondered when he had taken a vow of silence without noticing it but Louis was right, it would have been unfair. Well, he could manage being quiet during a meal. His eyes wandered to the other table every now and then to watch the headmaster exchange a few quiet words since he could not ignore everyone completely, but Mike could easily see that it was just pure politeness.

Every day a few boys had to help carry the food to the tables and the empty dishes back to the kitchen. Mike could not help but smirk and think that for most of them that was probably the only time they had to touch dirty dishes in their lives.  
They ate in relative silence. There was always a whisper here and there and the sound of silverware on porcelain, a little giggling now and then, but apart from that there was not much to hear. Mike was amazed how so many kids could be that well-behaved. 

After dinner the students were allowed to leave the tables and go to their rooms or outside for one hour until bedtime. Mr. Specter left, too, and as soon as he was gone Donna reached for a big bag she had hidden under her chair and put a few bottles of red wine on the table.  
“Fresh from California, everybody. Cheers." she announced and clapped her hands in anticipation.  
A round of thank you applause rewarded Donna’s foresight to bring wine from her summer holidays. The first bottles were opened and the evening began to become far more relaxed. They started with lots of stories about the summer and where everybody had been. Most of them had visited friends and family throughout the country. Mike followed the narratives and everything he learned about his colleagues was neatly stored away in his memory.   
Since he was the new one Mike could not avoid telling them how a 21-year-old could have graduated in so many subjects. Everybody seemed to be informed that he was able to substitute half of them if necessary.

Like he did with Donna he tried to keep it simple and went with the quick learner. Not that he was ashamed of his ability to just memorize absolutely everything he had ever heard or read – he just experienced that it sometimes tended to intimidate people and he did not want anyone sizing him up all the time.   
After everybody seemed sufficiently informed about Mike, the conversation went on and Mike had time to contemplate his new colleagues further.  
Sometime after midnight the wine bottles were empty and Mike was convinced that he liked the three couples the most. Travis and Katrina and Dominic and his wife Johanna were friendly and fun and he just had a good feeling about them. Louis was very friendly, too, but Mike was not positive that his behavior was genuine although he was not able to put a finger on it and Daniel was even harder to evaluate for he did not talk very much at all. Well, he would have more than enough time to find out if his first impressions would last.  
The first days went by quickly and finally everything slowly started to become routine. Mike knew everyone around the house or at least all the names and what everyone did and he started to find his way from A to B all by himself.

The day started at seven with breakfast in the dining hall. At eight, classes began. The boys were divided in six classes with about 8 to 10 students per class and teachers moved around between them. English was scheduled every day in every class and Classics twice a week so Mike was very busy. At noon they all had lunch together and one hour of free time, and after that classes went on till four in the afternoon. Until dinner at six everyone was free to do what they wanted.   
There was always something going on of course. Most of the boys stayed at school all week, only a handful went home on Saturdays and Sundays so Mike and the rest of the teachers always spent a part of their spare time to overlook the boys. And the teachers participated in many of the free time activities, especially sports. It was the easiest way to combine guarding the boys and enjoying that task at the same time. There were no parents there and so they had to oversee the students around the clock. Mike was much asked for and he did not mind joining the students for soccer or tennis or even foil fencing. Stephen was also very much involved with the spare time activities, as was Travis. 

On Sundays the whole school got on its feet at about nine in the morning and they all made their way to church into town. As many pupils and teachers crammed into the six carriages the school possessed and the rest took their horses.  
Father Ralph on his side came to school every Wednesday to teach catechism.  
As long as it did not rain heavily the principal took Blake to get to mass on Sundays. Of course he avoided sitting in a coach with six other people. Mike did not bother to share the ride with whomever, it was actually kind of fun and always a chance to hear something new about what was going on around Woodlands. Along with that he had the impression that Ray preferred to ride and Mike already benefited so much from always borrowing Daisy that he really did not want to stretch Ray's generosity even more.

Whenever Mike could steel some time alone he went for a ride or down to the beach. Back in the house there was always so much going on with all the people who lived there and quiet moments where extremely rare. He had to get out from time to time.  
Soon Mike developed the habit to leave his room in the evenings and settle in a big brown leather armchair in the library. He sometimes read there for hours in the light of a small petroleum lamp. Mike felt like in his own little world there, surrounded by nothing but books. The library was huge enough so he could even find books he had not already read and memorized. Prose or even poetry of course, he did not really like reading specialist books in his free time although there were plenty he did not know but he rarely felt like learning how to build a mercury thermometer or the chemical composition of the aforementioned. Now and then he completely lost track of time in his bookworming and went to bed far too late at night or better too early in the morning.

His contact with the headmaster was barely existent. Mostly he saw Mr. Specter during the meals or sometimes on the corridors when they changed classes. It was never more than a very short moment when they passed each other in the hallway and yet Mike felt a tiny little frisson every time he saw the other man, meticulously dressed and with dark, sincere eyes. Had he ever seen him so much as smile a little?   
Although Mr. Specter did not talk to him, only gave him a small greeting nod when they met directly and at least acknowledging Mike could not be avoided without being markedly impolite, Mike caught himself ever so often observing his boss when he got a chance. He could not deny it, he liked to watch the handsome man and he just could not stop wondering what exactly his issue was. He would have loved to find out, though. Harvey Specter was a puzzle Mike would have loved to solve but he had no idea how he should do that… not yet, anyway, and that kept him thinking about the headmaster. Without Mike really becoming aware of it Mr. Specter stayed on his mind ever so often.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for the delay but rl happened and dared to cross my marvey plans! Bitch!
> 
> Like I do the honors before every meal (hypothetically speaking) I have to thank [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) before every post (for real). I don't know where she finds the patience to deal with me. Must be beta reader's zen or something like that.
> 
> I dare to promise the next chapter really soon to make it up to you!

Harvey frequently walked through the dark and empty corridors of his school just to see if everything was in order. To make sure the boys were in their beds and did not run around the house at night. Boys needed a very strict hand or they quickly started to misbehave. And he did not want that to happen. This school had an impeccable reputation and he wasn't one of the youngest headmasters in the country for nothing. 

Everything was quiet on the students' floors and Harvey decided to step outside and walk over to the east wing across the courtyard. He loved the silence within the thick stone walls of the colonnade. The courtyard was peaceful at night and the smell of Buddleia filled the air, even though it was almost the end of September they were still in full bloom.  
Harvey's attention was immediately drawn to the one thing that was different that night. He raised his eyes. A very faint shine fell through one of the library windows, illuminating parts of the otherwise dark courtyard. What was going on in there? If one of the boys was not in his bed at this time of the night Harvey would chastise him. Hard. 

Harvey wanted to see what was going on but he didn't want to scare the delinquent away before he could catch him so he moved very slowly and carefully. He knew every floorboard in this building, he knew exactly where to set his foot to make no sound and therefore he already felt triumphant when he had reached the part of the library where the light was coming from. He carefully leaned forward to be able to look around the book shelve and to see who was breaking the rules, but he stopped dead in his tracks. 

The boy sitting there in the huge armchair cross-legged and his eyes glued to the book he was holding in his hands was not a student. Although he looked almost as young as one of the senior years wearing a long-sleeved white shirt and dark pants and his hair even more ruffled than Harvey had ever seen during daytime. It was Mike Ross.  
Well, he had no right to rebuke a grown man for not going to bed early so he could have just turned around and left – but he didn't. Somehow his feet did not immediately follow the orders of his brain. Harvey’s eyes stayed on the young man’s face and watched his eyes fly over the lines faster than he had ever seen anyone read. How did he do that? Mike had already turned two pages since Harvey had arrived and he was just turning the next. Harvey knew of course that Mike Ross was considered something like a genius. Everyone called him that and now he was able to see a part of it. It was actually fascinating to watch. Harvey did not know how long he had watched Mike but when the object of his contemplation subtly chanced his sitting position his heart stopped a beat. Had Mike discovered him? The second Mike had settled again Harvey turned around and left as quietly as he had come.  
+++

It was the end of September and the weather was still warm and sunny. Mike took his class outside into the garden and they all sat down on the perfectly trimmed lawn to read in rolls assigned. His class had reached Shakespeare and Mike figured “A Midsummer Night’s Dream" was best read outside, but to be honest he would have taken the boys outside no matter what they were reading. He liked doing something new from time to time and this school was so bend in rules and behavior that it practically screamed for a little relief. And shit, he taught literature, not physics.  
Mike was once again astonished how well behaved the boys where. Yes, he knew all of them had been born with a silver spoon and raised in the best possible way money could buy, but still, when he remembered himself at this age, about 14 or 15 years old, he would not have wanted to be his teacher. But these boys did like they were told, no matter if on the lawn or in the classroom – so why not go outside and read there? Literature could be enjoyed everywhere and perhaps an open space helped to open the mind.  
After they had finished reading the first act Mike started to talk about what they had read. They were almost done for the day and just when Mike started to tell the boys what they had to read in preparation for the next class he noticed Donna approaching their little group.  
The boys ran off to get back into the classroom for the next lesson and Donna waited until everyone was out of reach before she told him why she was here.  
"Mr. Specter wants to see you in his office."  
Shit, what had done now? The only thing Mike could possible think of was his literature session in the garden. Of course, the one thing that was not like everything had always been was reason enough to rebuke him. But he was not going to step down on this one – he was a grown man and a Harvard educated teacher and he was not going to be lectured like a school boy. Not even by the creepy Mr. Specter. This time he was better prepared for what he had to face and this time he would do exactly that – face him.  
Donna smirked at his obvious fear. She knew exactly how most people felt about Harvey and the young new teacher was no exception. "Don't worry, Mike. He won’t eat you alive."  
Mike raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure?"  
"Nah, he'd kill you first. He is not that evil," she mocked and could not help but laugh about Mike's wide worried eyes. Still laughing she turned around and gestured for Mike to follow her.

It was a Déjà-vu of Mike's first day. He knocked on the headmaster's office door and waited to be allowed to enter. This time Mr. Specter stood at one of the windows, arms crossed in front of his chest, and looked outside. It was like he wanted to show Mike that he saw everything that happened in his kingdom.  
This time Mike did not wait until he was addressed.  
"You wanted to see me?"  
The other man turned around and gave him a stern look.  
"Mr. Ross, I hear you consider it a good idea to hold your lessons outside."  
Mike's heart raced. He was not able to not be nervous in the presence of the other man. The headmaster was impeccably dressed like he had been every time Mike had seen him. The dark cutaway showed his perfect v-shaped upper body and made him look even taller and more impressive than he did in a normal suit jacket – and like every time he saw him Mike had to think how handsome Mr. Specter looked and why in all the world a man like him was so overly uptight.  
This time he would not back down.  
“Yes, Mr. Specter, and I still do.”  
“And why is that?”  
Mr. Specter held his arms crossed and there was a hint of mockery in his tone but Mike managed to stay calm and to look his boss straight into the eyes.  
“Well, I have never heard of any rule that states that a closed room is a precondition for reading and understanding literature, so unless you do not explicitly forbid me to do it I will surely take the students outside from time to time."  
Mr. Specter held Mike's gaze for a while. It seemed like he was thinking about what he had just heard or if he was trying to decide what to do with the undiscerning younker. As usual, his face was an unreadable mask:  
"If I observe at any point that your lack of discipline has any negative effects I will interdict further unconventional methods. For now I am inclined to give you some scope."  
Again he dismissed Mike by just turning back towards the window and saying nothing further, so Mike left.  
At least their second tête-à-tête had gone better than their first one. Mike had not faltered but rather defended his position and Mr. Specter had taken it better than Mike had estimated. Perhaps standing up to the headmaster was a good tactic to get into his good graces. Maybe better than toadyism.

After the students had gone to bed in the evenings the big wooden table in the kitchen became a highly frequented meeting point for the grownups in the house. There was always something to drink and they played cards or backgammon sometimes chess or checkers and they talked about everyone and everything.  
Mr. Specter never joined them.  
From time to time a small group made the thirty minutes' drive to the nearest pub in one of the school's coaches. It was nice to have a few different faces around sometimes.  
Mike was curious. He wanted to know what his colleagues who had worked here for years had to say about Mr. Specter. When he was out with Donna, Stephen, Louis and Daniel he sprinkled his question into the conversation.  
"So what's up with our headmaster? Is he not mingling with his mediocre underlings on purpose? I mean, he is clearly not interested in… well, anyone, but never ever having little fun, that's strange, isn't it?"  
Hardman scoffed into his beer. "I have been at this school for ten years now. Far longer than Specter – and believe me, our former headmaster was completely different. He did not consider himself above everyone else! He lived at the school with his wife and kids and he would be sitting right here with us at this table!” He tipped his index finger on the table a few times to underline his words and went on. “Specter is an asshole. He has barely spoken to me in years. I mean, if you don't want to be with people you should be smart enough to stay away from a boarding school!"  
Stephen tried to mitigate that harsh judgment a little. "He is a good teacher and a good headmaster. He may not interact a lot but he has a lock on the joint and he has done a lot for the esteem of the school. That’s what counts for us. No one seems to know exactly what the problem with him is. Not even Donna."  
He smiled at his beautiful wife fondly and she laid her hand on top of his.  
Of course Mike needed to know now what "not even Donna" was supposed to mean and she concluded Mike's question from his curious look at her.  
„I've known Harvey... Mr. Specter… for a long time. We've known each other since before he went to Harvard. In fact he was the one who introduced me to Stephen during one of the times I visited him there. He has always been this way, very incommunicative and preferably on his own. I have my own theory but it is not my place to talk about that."  
Stephen nodded when Donna had finished. "Even at Harvard I practically had to drag him out of the library from time to time and believe me, it was hard work."  
So Donna and Stephen knew him before he became the principal and even they did not know exactly what was up with him. Although Donna seemed to have an idea and Mike was pretty sure it was quite accurate but she would not talk about it to him.  
The conversation drifted into new directions and Mike just let it go. He did not want anyone to think he had too much of an interest in Mr. Specter.

Mike knew this was antic but he was not able to stop it. He had reached a state where he was actually looking forward to the short encounter he had with Harvey every Tuesday and Thursday in the hallway when they had to change classes. On Tuesdays Mr. Specter had to enter the class he was just leaving and on Thursdays they passed each other in the corridor between classrooms. The principal did not even talk to him. He just acknowledged Mike's presence with a brief nod and Mike tried to not smile at him like an idiot every time that happened.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised to hurry so here we go ...

The stables developed into one of Mike's favorite places. He came there whenever he had some time to go for a ride or sometimes just to watch the horses and maybe meet Ray for a little chat.   
It was a peaceful afternoon a few days after his last argument with Mr. Specter. The students were still in class so none of them had time to be there and Mike had two free hours before his next English class.  
Blake was whinnying and prancing in his box so Mike went over to have a look at him. Ray seemed to have the same idea because they met at the horse's stable.   
“Blake seems to be a little nervous today,” Mike stated.  
“That's because we haven't moved him yet. He tried to bite one of the boys before and kicked when we tried to saddle him, so none of them wants to touch him right now. Seems like we have to get Mr. Specter later to take care of him.”  
Mike opened the door to Blake's box slowly and moved very carefully inside. The black horse nickered but did nothing else. Mike talked calmly to the big animal.  
“Hey, Beautiful. Why are you so anxious today?”  
He held out one flat hand and touched Blake's nostrils tenderly. The horse did not shy away, in fact it leaned into Mike's hand.  
Mike looked at Ray:  
“Give me the reins, I can move him. I am not going to ride Mr. Specter's horse but I can lunge him for a while.”  
He pulled one of the carrots he had nicked from the kitchen out of his coat pocket and fed it to the Arabian. Then he slowly put on the reins.  
Blake followed him tamely out of the stables and into the big pen where he started to run his rounds on the long leash.   
When Mike got the feeling the horse had had enough he stopped him and without any command Blake came close and looked for the second carrot Mike had still hidden in his pocket.  
"You smell the carrot, don't you? There you go, Beautiful."

When Harvey entered the stable Blake's box was empty. He had planned to take him for a ride this afternoon and was just about to look outside for his horse when Ray found him.  
"Good afternoon, Mr. Specter! I didn't know you were coming today. Blake is on the lunge with Mike to get a little stress relief. They are outside in the big pen."  
Harvey looked puzzled. "Mike? Mike Ross? Since when does Mike Ross take care of my horse?"  
"Since none of the stable staff wanted to touch him anymore today.   
You know that he is not an easy horse and today he was especially hostile."  
Harvey knew that his Arabian was very hard to handle and that the staff had sometimes problems with him, and honestly, he was a little proud that no one could control the black devil instead of him. Furthermore, Mike Ross was a teacher and not his stable boy.   
Harvey tilted his head to the side, still wondering why in all the world Mike lunged his horse.  
Ray answered his unspoken question. "Well, you can see for yourself, Mr. Specter. They are outside."  
Oh yes, he would definitely see for himself! So he went to the wide open stable gates but he stayed right there the second he laid eyes on Mike. It was astonishing. The huge black horse stood right in front of Mike and bowed his head deep enough to touch the man's chest with its forehead. Mike fed Blake a carrot and stroked the shiny fur along the horse’s neck. He spoke softly to the animal and although Harvey could not hear what he was saying he could see Blake liked it.  
His normally so shy and mistrustful horse seemed to lean against this scrawny young man and to revel in his touch. He had never seen Blake like this with anybody besides himself before. A warm feeling started to fill his chest and it was like he could just watch this scene forever. It took him completely by surprise, the small endearing sensation that spread through his body and it made him quickly snap out of his contemplation like he had burned himself on some invisible flame. 

"What do you think you are doing?"  
Mike's heart skipped a beat when he heard the familiar voice and right after that it went on drumming in his chest.  
How long had Mr. Specter been there? Had he watched him?   
It was the first time he saw the principal in his riding clothes. The tight breeches showed his toned body and the white shirt with only a vest revealed muscular upper arms.  
Mike collected himself a few seconds before he answered. "I am moving him... He was a bit frightening today."  
Mr. Specter had reached the pen and leaned against the fence with crossed arms.  
"But you are brave enough?"  
Mike still held his palm flat to Blake's mouth and the horse licked away the last taste of the carrot.   
"No, we just get along very well, there is no need to be brave with him."  
Mike suddenly felt lucky and tried a little joke.  
"I mean, how could we not since I am the English literature fellow and his name is Blake, right?"  
Mr. Specter stared him down but Mike thought that there was a tiny little twitch in his corners of his mouth.  
"So why did you not ride him?"  
Mr. Specter left the fence and approached them.  
"I would not dare to ride your horse, Mr. Specter," Mike answered honestly and stepped back to make room for his boss.  
Mr. Specter just nodded and turned his attention to Blake.  
Mike felt dismissed and left.  
Before he had walked around the stable he could see Mr. Specter pat the horse's neck in welcome before one of the boys brought him his saddle and he saddled Blake with short quick moves. The animal stood perfectly still and just waited for his owner to finish. Mr. Specter mounted and turned the black horse around before Mike lost sight of his boss.

On his way back to the main building a huge smile spread across Mike's face. That had been the second time within only a few days that he had had a conversation with Mr. Specter and he had the feeling that both encounters had gone quite well, compared to how the principal usually behaved. Although Mike knew that his boss loved Blake and he must have noticed that Blake obviously liked Mike. Mike would bet his right arm that this gave him a very big plus on Mr. Specter's list. Which of course Mr. Specter did not keep but if he had had one it would most definitely have shown a plus next to Mike's name by now.

Only two days later Mike entered the class of the 12 to 14 year old boys and announced his plan for the day. “Good morning, gentlemen! As we have reached the last acts of Euripides’s "Iphigenia in Tauris”, we are going to learn about something called "deus ex machina" and we are going to read the last acts like they were meant to be.   
Meaning: I want you to get off your chairs and take the stage and we are going to try to not only sit and read but to really imagine what is happening here."  
Mike turned the front half of the classroom into a stage by pulling his desk aside and making room for the actors. Then he turned back to his class again, the boys were still sitting at their tables, clearly not convinced that Mike really wanted them to leave their spots.  
Mike decided to warm them up a little and started by assigning the parts.  
“So, we need Iphigenia. Who wants to read her? And do not forget, men playing women as mandatory in ancient Greece.”   
It took a while to split up the parts and when it was done Mike actuated his class.  
"The rest of you will be the chorus, so everybody stand up and gather over there."  
He pointed to the wall in the back of their makeshift stage and finally the chairs slid over the floor and movement filled the room.   
When the chorus had taken its place Mike went on.  
“We start on page 20. The stage direction says: Orestes and Pylades are set free; some attendants go into the temple. Before we start we need to figure out where we want each person to stand and who moves from where to where during the scene.  
So, tell me – where you think the rest is supposed to stand and how do you want to move around?"  
The boys started hesitantly at first but very soon they were debating and trying to agree what they wanted to do. This process involved talking and discussions back and forth, they went through the scene and decided what they wanted to do and figured out where everyone should stand and how to move around. Finally everyone was content and Mike made them start reciting.   
The improvised stage came to life very soon. The boys recited their parts and tried to act – a few of them quite impressively, actually. Mike watched the ado fondly, constantly smiling because his students seemed to really embrace the task he gave them.  
At the end Minerva manifested and George made a very impressive goddess-like appearance. The rest of the boys recited the final lines of the and ended the play. Followed by spontaneous applause.  
Suddenly the classroom door was opened roughly and Mr. Specter barged into the room, clearly trying to figure out what exactly he was seeing and what was going on.  
Mike straightened himself. His heart pounded from the annoyed look the other man shot him but Mike was bound and determined not to give away his nervousness.  
The boys fell dead silent and stared at their ultimate authority figure.  
"Mr. Specter. What can I do for you?"  
He managed a very calm and polite tone and seemed totally collected in front of his class. Mike was actually a little proud of himself for that.  
"A word, Mr. Ross. Please step outside."  
Mr. Specter’s voice was pure ice but Mike would not back down. He was a teacher and not a school boy that could be chastised just like that.  
"When I am back we'll talk about why Aristotle did not like the ending," he smiled to the boys reassuringly and left the room.   
The headmaster gave Mike a very annoyed look. "What are you doing? Why the pandemonium in your class? Don't you have your students under control?"  
The other man was really looking for every opportunity to give Mike a hard time but Mike was hell bound to defend his methods and if the headmaster wanted to go on questioning him, he would deal with that no matter how often Mr. Specter was going to ask for Mike's justification.  
He looked straight into his boss’s dark eyes when he answered very earnestly: “I have absolutely everything under control, Mr. Specter, but I do not believe in willfully drilling facts into students' heads. From time to time they need to work and think on their own and yes, Mr. Specter, that sometimes means they have to interact and talk to each other to reach consents. We are talking about the Greek tragedy and I see no harm in a little acting.   
But if my methods are that suspicious to you, you are very welcome to sit in and scrutinize my achievements.”  
After that harangue Mike felt his self-consciousness deflating. Had he really just uttered that? From the look on Mr. Specter's face he probably had. Mike thought he could literally feel the holes that Mr. Specter’s dark eyes where burning into him. Shit, he suddenly was not very sure that that had been a good idea. Mr. Specter had crossed his arms in front of his chest while he had listened to Mike's speech and his eyes had grown darker every second.   
Mr. Specter pondered for what felt like an eternity. Mike was convinced he saw something like surprise that he had dared to talk back to him like that. "Well then, Mr. Ross, let's hope your methods prove right when the grades speak. And if one of the other teachers should bring to my attention that your chaos inspires the students to act up anywhere else you will immediately stop whatever you think is appropriate and do as I tell you, are we clear?"  
He stepped back and walked around Mike, leaving him alone in the hallway.   
When the other man was gone Mike let out a deep breath. That had been scary but he had done well, he knew he was a good teacher and Mr. Specter would have to acknowledge that sooner or later.  
He smiled, content with himself, and went back into his classroom.

After that conversation Harvey was not totally sure if he was content with the outcome. He respected Mr. Ross for defending his point of view. Not many people dared to do so to his face especially at an age that young. Harvey was not that much of a traditionalist that he was not able to give a young teacher some creative space but under no circumstances would he allow any kind of disobedience from the students.   
Very deep in his mind he also recognized that the bold young man touched a nerve in him. Mike's look was always open and honest and showed so much soul that it was hard for Harvey not to give in. But he pushed that realizations right back where it belonged: far back into the deep corners of his consciousness where it could easily be ignored and locked away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments and kind words it makes me so happy that you like this!
> 
> Thank you my dear beta [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) for combing through this!

Mike would always remember the day when his fascination for his boss coupled with something else.   
It was pure coincidence. One Sunday in early November Mike went to the stables to get Ray's horse ready. Ray's chestnut, Daisy, was a very gentle and good-willed mount but she was also fast and brave, she never shied back from anything Mike made her jump. He put Daisy’s bridle on and threw a blanket over her back when he suddenly heard an angry choleric yelling. Mike did not clearly understand the context but he could hear lots of swearing and name calling. Then a scared and much younger voice started to scream something and Mike's brain put the puzzle together. He figured that the stable master was angry with one of the boys. The boy started to plead and then another sound joined the yelling. Mike knew instantly what he was hearing: It was a riding crop swishing down on bare skin. A painful scream followed. He did not hesitate and left Daisy's box to stop the man from hurting the boy. It may have been his right and he could yell all he wanted but Mike would not watch something like that.  
The second he had left the box Mike froze because he saw Mr. Specter entering the stables. Mr. Specter was obviously fuming, he grabbed the arm of the totally out of control stable master when it came up for another blow on the boys naked backside and wrenched the riding crop from his hand. Then he turned the man's arm far behind his back, forced him down to the ground and pinned him down there with one knee in the nape of his neck, pressing his face against the stable floor.  
The stable master was a huge and very strong man and he tried to fight but he was shoved to the floor so fast that he did not really have a chance to react. The boy was crying and sobbing in pain and terror. Harvey looked at him and ordered briefly: "Go home and tell your mother I told you not to come back until that has healed." The stable boy nodded frantically and ran off.  
The principal turned back to the man on the floor and increased the pressure to his neck just a little more.  
Mike's blood froze at the tone he heard from Mr. Specter – it was full of disgust and hatred.  
"I do not want to see you son of a bitch around here ever again. Here is no place for people like you. You are lucky I don't beat the shit out of you like you did to the boy. Are. We. Clear?"

The man on the floor nodded and Mike very, very slowly moved backwards and hid behind Daisy. Mr. Specter had not seen him and he wanted to keep it that way.

He heard the stable master leave and then it was quiet for a bit. Just when Mike thought he was alone again he heard steps and became aware that Blake was waiting right in the box next to Daisy's, already in his saddle and bridle. Mike decided it was too late now to move or say something so he just stayed where he was. He was well hidden behind the big brown mare but through the gaps between the wood panels he could see Mr. Specter entering the box next to him.   
Holy shit! He had never seen him like that. He had not even imagined that it was possible to see him like that. The ever so perfect, severe and frightening man was visibly churned up. Mike could hear him breathing heavily, his cheeks where flushed and his normally impeccable hair had fallen out of place. Mr. Specter turned his back towards Mike and leaned his forehead against the side of his horse. Still breathing irregularly and when he laid one flat hand on Blake's black shiny fur Mike could see it was shaking violently. That was the moment his own heart hurt from the mere sight of how the man who wanted the world to believe he was something like Ebenezer Scrooge himself, was undeniably suffering. The moment when the widely feared headmaster became deeply human in his eyes.  
Mike waited until he was alone again and until it was safe to ride outside without accidentally meeting the headmaster and disclosing that he had seen him in the stables. The rest of the day Mike couldn't think about anything else. 

A few days after Mike had observed Mr. Specter’s breakdown Stephen asked Mike at dinner: "Ready for our big annual Foxhunt the day after tomorrow?"  
Mike had no idea what he was talking about and his face seemed to make that very clear because Stephen laughed and explained further:   
"We have a Foxhunt every year. Students and teachers. All these boys are from rich families who like to think of themselves as some kind of royalty and since Foxhunting is the sport of the kings we have one once a year. Well, I guess Harvey's passion for riding has a little part in it, too."  
Donna added quickly: "And don't worry, it's a drag hunt. You don’t have to watch anything being gutted."  
Mike had never been in a Foxhunt before. He had read about it, so in theory he was completely informed, and it included riding so there could not go much wrong.  
"But you are not telling me that I need a red jacket and a topper?"   
Mike scoffed but Donna’s rising eyebrows made the chuckle die in his throat. Donna did not like joking around when it came to the fashion department.  
"You bet you do! Where is the fun in chasing a nonexistent fox if not in the perfect outfit?"  
Mike’s brain served him with the correct information he had once read in a book:   
_”Formal attire: Black leather boots, breeches, heavy or light hunting coat, a shirt with a tie or stock tie and a protective hat are called for._  
The livery consists of red coats with white breeches and black boots with tan leather tops.”  
Just when Mike was about to blurt out the question how on earth he was supposed to get formal hunting attire in one day, Donna gave him a knowing smile:  
"Don’t worry, Stephen has at least three outfits. We will definitely find one for you among those."  
Stephen quickly reassured: "Yes, Donna is right. I have approximately three different red jackets, one will surely fit you. It's going to be fun."  
Mike nodded and took the last piece of his desert in his mouth. One of Bertha's delicious pies before he added: "Thank you!"

\--------------------------------------------------------

It was a perfect day for the hunt. The weather was warm and it had not rained in days so everybody would at least stay dry on their horses.  
The whole school was vibrating with anticipation. The excitement was palpable at breakfast. No one was able to stay quiet and for the first time the hall was filled with whispering and hushed words that not even the presence of the headmaster could contain.  
Mike was positive he could see something like a small smile on Mr. Specter’s face when he got up from his chair and addressed the crowd.  
"I expect everyone at the meeting point in thirty minutes. Like every year we are going to have three fields, and please choose wisely with which you want to ride. I am the field master, so the first group will be led by Mr. Huntley and me. The second group is with Mr. Litt and Mr. Hardman and the third group follows Mr. Tanner and Mr. Dennis. Get dressed, everyone, and get onto your horses."  
That had been the most relaxed five sentences Mike had ever heard from the man. It was not hard to tell that even he was looking forward to the hunt. 

Fifteen minutes later Mike arrived at the stables. Ray was the runner but he had offered Daisy to Mike nonetheless and volunteered to use another horse for the track. Everyone gathered in the big field behind the stable and waited for the field master to join them. Mike had no idea where the hounds were coming from but a pack of Foxhounds was already waiting in safe distance to the horses, guided by the huntsman and several whippers-in. Traditionally, nobody had mounted yet and nobody was supposed to do so before the signal to mount was given.   
The first group was for the very good and experienced riders. They were the ones who followed the hounds no matter where they chose to run. The second group was for those who were not perfectly safe jumpers and the third was for everyone who was not very used to riding or not confident about his skills. Mike would join Stephen and the headmaster in the first group. 

When Mr. Specter appeared outside the stable gates Mike's heart jumped and he was thankful that so much was going at the meeting point because he blatantly stared at the principal. Mike had noticed the good looks of his boss the first time he had laid eyes on him and every time he had met him since but the man in his traditional riding outfit with a bright red tailcoat next to his impressive black horse was just… breathtaking.   
When the field master mounted a wave went through the crowd as everyone got on their horses. The whole school on horsebacks was impressive.   
Mr. Specter led his horse straight toward Stephen and Mike and smirked. Yes, the man smirked at him: "Mr. Ross, first group I see, well I hope you can live up to that promise... Ray is famous for his mean tracks."  
Mike was barely able to listen to Mr. Specter’s words, he was too busy suppressing the wild flutter in his stomach.  
He hurried to swallow around the lump in his throat: "Daisy is very experienced. I just hold on and she does the rest."  
Mike did not know where his bravery came from but he gave the other man a small grin and let his eyes sparkle. Mr. Specter did not laugh but recognized Mike's joke with a brief nod and turned his horse around the same moment the hunting horn gave the signal to go.

Mr. Specter was right. Ray had given them an adventurous track. They crossed the school's garden and followed the hounds into the woods and through the thick covert which held a few surprises: big tree stumps and holes they had to jump or they had to react fast enough to lead the horses around those obstacles. Mr. Specter took every obstacle without hesitation. It was impressive to watch how he directed the powerful black horse through the woods effortlessly. Blake trusted his rider blindly, reacting to the smallest move he made to give him direction. Mike stayed right behind Stephen and Mr. Specter like he was supposed to. Stephen’s horse balked once in front of a huge fallen tree and forced him to ride around the stump since it was not allowed to take a hazard a second time if you did not manage on the first try. Mike followed the field master easily.  
They broke through more trees and crossed a small creek that Mike saw for the first time. He wondered how he had never made it to this spot until all of a sudden he heard a loud smacking sound followed by a short but clearly pain-filled shout. Mike could see Mr. Specter slump down in his saddle for a moment before he started swearing. Mike had not witnessed what exactly had happened but he figured a branch or something like that had hit Mr. Specter in full speed. Mike closed up and saw that Mr. Specter had pressed his left hand against his right shoulder:  
“Everything alright, Mr. Specter?” Mike asked and he could see that the principal was not happy that Mike had even seen this.  
“Everything is fine. Won't hurt long.”  
Mike could clearly tell that he was lying and that it hurt a lot, but he knew the man well enough by then to know he would never admit it.   
So Mike fell back again and kept on following the hounds. Nobody else had witnessed the incident and it seemed like nobody else noticed that Mr. Specter used only his left hand to hold the reigns for the rest of the hunt.  
When everybody was back at the meeting point and the mort was over Mike observed his boss again. He seemed a little pale and clearly swung his leg over the horse’s neck to be able to jump out of the saddle without putting any weight on his right arm. He obviously was not fine but Mike was not going to ask him again. Maybe somebody else would notice it, Donna or Stephen or whomever Mr. Specter would tell the truth.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for all your comments and I hope you like the next chapter!  
> [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) ... I don't know what I'd do without your superpowers :) and did I already mention: I have no idea how you keep your patience!

That night Mike could not sleep. Too many images of Mr. Specter and the reminiscence of his school-girly butterfly stomach flooded his brain. Finally he jumped out of is bed and decided to go into the kitchen and find himself something to eat or perhaps make some tea or warm milk or anything else to help him sleep. Mike was in a pair of pajama pants and an undershirt and doddered barefoot through the dark and perfectly quiet house towards the kitchen.  
As soon as he entered the kitchen he heard that he was not the only one with a nightly craving. Someone was already rummaging around in the ice storage or better: stabbing the ice blocks in there to death.  
When Mike heard a loud curse – “God damn it!," – he immediately realized who was trying to murder the ice block.  
Mike tried to ignore his fluttering heart and asked, fighting the constriction in his chest: “Mr. Specter? Is everything alright? Do you need help?”  
The headmaster jumped at the sound of Mike's voice, he clearly had not noticed him when he approached. Mike stepped closer and leaned against the kitchen isle like the marble could loan him some of its strength and steady his knees. Only when Mr. Specter appeared from the ice shed Mike completely realized what he was doing. He had the ice pick in his left hand and his right arm was pressed against his side and obviously no big use to his efforts.  
“Mr. Ross! What are you doing here?”  
The headmaster's voice was a mixture of blatant surprise, annoyance that he had an audience and his unstoppable urge to sniff mischief behind everything that happened out of schedule.  
Mike tried to take the edge off the unexpected nocturnal encounter and answered airily: “Couldn't sleep. So, is it safe to assume that your injury this afternoon was not nothing and now it hurts like a b… very much?”  
Mike was not even sure why he recoiled from swearing in front of Mr. Specter since he had just cursed quite impressively himself but that had been when he considered himself to be alone and somehow Mike did not feel like the principal would appreciate it.  
“Well, Mr. Ross, you are so observant, it never fails to amaze me!”  
His tone was somewhat between a “yes” and an impatient “leave me alone” and once more Mike was not sure what to make of it but the other man was clearly in pain and he would not just leave him alone.  
“Let me help now?”  
Avoiding further objections, Mike took the ice pick from Mr. Specter’s left hand as well as the towel that he had unsuccessfully tried to fill with ice and then went to pick enough pieces from the block to make an ice pack.  
Mike was not brave enough to put the pack directly on the other man’s shoulder so he handed it over and watched him pressing it onto the injury. A painful hiss escaped the principal's lips when the pack touched his shoulder.  
“Maybe you should see a doctor, Mr. Specter?”  
The principal shook his head: “No, it's ok. That is not the first time I injured that shoulder. It’s an old injury and there is nothing they can do about it.”  
“What about stabilizing it?”  
“So you are a doctor now? I thought you were more of a bookworm.”  
“I am no doctor, but I can definitely do a good shoulder bandage to steady it. A few of my roommates liked playing rugby so I did a few of those back at Harvard. If it will ever be necessary, I can also do very good stitches, like really tiny ones, almost invisible afterwards. You know, just in case of emergency."  
Mike knew he was grinning like an idiot now but he did not care. This was just too good because as hard as Mr. Specter tried to hide it, he was amused.  
Harvey knew better than to allow Mike to bandage his shoulder. This involved far too many too personal interactions. Why did he even think about it, why did he not just repulse the offer and walk out of the kitchen? The ice would only be enough to ease the pain marginally. Why in the entire world did he have to meet Mike here? In the kitchen? In the middle of the night? The young man looked at him with sincere concern and sympathy in his blue eyes. The color was made to draw you in, to hold your gaze and to seduce you to get lost in them and, shit, were had those thoughts come from? Mike sounded very convinced of his skills and Harvey knew it would help. His shoulder had tormented him ever since he was a young man and he had given up on calling for a doctor,, but he knew every time he did he got exactly that: a bandage. It helped to take the pressure off the ache. Shit! Why did he find himself willing to trust this man who was in fact a complete stranger to him and had been a thorn in his side from the moment on he got hired?  
Well, at least he could make this as brief and quick as possible, so he ordered curtly: "I guess a bandage would really help. I have everything upstairs, follow me."  
Mike stopped him. "Wait, you should take some more ice with you, you'll need it."  
He was right, the ice in his cloth was almost gone and Mike already took the pick and broke a big piece loose.  
"That should last a while."  
Harvey tucked the piece into the cloth and they left the kitchen. Silently Mike followed him through the hallways up to his apartment.

It was so quiet Mike heard every floorboard squeak under their feet as he followed the headmaster upstairs and suddenly he felt like a jittery schoolgirl again, pursuing the other man into his living room. He knew that hardly anybody ever entered Mr. Specter’s private quarters which made him even more insecure than he was feeling anyway. The door was opened for him and Mike took one hesitating step and another until he had passed the threshold.  
“Wait here," Mr. Specter ordered gruffly and disappeared behind another door, leaving Mike alone in the middle of the room. Comfortable cognac brown leather couches grouped around a low but large table in front of a beautiful brick-built fireplace. The arrangement was placed on top of a cozy and very expansive looking carped. Mike could not tell what it was made of. It looked almost fury but he could not guess what kind of fur would look like this. The wall to the right of the fireplace was filled with hundreds of books, painstakingly sorted and all of them with leather bindings and golden letters.  
Behind Mike was a big dining table with six chairs which was filled with papers and more books. It did not seem like anybody had dined here recently.  
The left wall was nonexistent because it almost exclusively consisted of windows. The white curtains were open on each window. Mr. Specter’s rooms were situated on the topmost floor, above them was nothing but the attic, and there was no other building for miles so it did not matter if the curtains were open at all times because there was no one out there who could look inside. The glass door in the middle of the windows led to the balcony. Mike played with the thought of stepping outside for a second but he scrapped the idea immediately. Mr. Specter would certainly not appreciate him moving around.  
Mr. Specter’s return, interrupting Mike’s contemplations, he reemerged holding two thick white bandage rolls in his hands which he handed to Mike. Without further explanation he sat down on one of the chairs, turning the backrest sideways to give Mike good excess to his shoulder. He did not take of his shirt completely. Instead he carefully opened the buttons and made sure he only revealed enough skin for Mike to work with by pulling the injured arm free. The fabric exposed only one shoulder and not even half of the headmaster’s back.  
Mike held his breath. He was thankful that his boss had turned him his back because Mike could feel the heat rushing to his face and flushing his cheeks.  
Holy shit, now he had his boss half shirtless in front of him and there they were again: The butterflies! Breathe, Mike. Breathe. It’s just a bandage. Go ahead and do it.  
He stepped closer and set to work. Than he saw it: Two badly healed white lines over Harvey’s shoulders and two more that peaked out under the covering fabric. Scars. Jesus Christ! What had happened to the man?  
Mike desperately tried to keep his breathing steady and his hands from shaking when he carefully bandaged the other man's shoulder. The principal’s muscular back and his visibly defined arm muscles were not helping but Mike tried to concentrate on the task on hand. He'd be damned if Harvey should recognize his tension right now, and there it was again! Harvey! From now on Mike was positive he would not be able to think of his boss as “Mr. Specter” ever again! Harvey winced a few times but did not complain and after a few minutes Mike had managed a really professional looking bandage that should keep the shoulder still and relieved. When he was done Harvey lifted the shirt back up, put the icepack to use again and rose from his chair to turn to Mike.  
"Thank you Mr. Ross it already feels a little better."  
Mike had to get out of there before his cheeks flushed again and before his eyes would start to wander over Harvey’s body that was now turned towards him.  
He managed an insouciant: "You are welcome, I hope it helps and will be better soon. Good night, Mr. Specter." He went for the door and left without another word.

Sleep would not come to him that night. Instead of clearing his mind he was now endowed with even more images of Harvey Specter and he just could not make his thoughts stop. It did not especially bother him that he undeniably had a crush on a man. Something like that had never happened before but this was so far away from every possible reality that he could live with it.  
Harvey Specter was so far out of his reach, he could just lay here and think about unicorns. His little infatuation would never be more than a fantasy that was sure as hell so why bother having a guilty conscience?  
Nonetheless Mike had somehow thought the past events had built a flimsy connection between the two of them. But the next day Harvey was the same intimidating untouchable headmaster he had ever been. He did not look at Mike, barely greeted him when they passed each other in the hallway and did not talk to him again. It was all back to normal and Mike felt like an idiot that he had ever thought it could be any different.

 

The shoulder bandage was really helping but it also reminded Harvey of his unexplainable blind confidence towards Mike Ross. Whenever he laid eyes on the white bandage or felt it scratching under his shirt he asked himself what had gotten into him. Under no circumstances would he want the young teacher to think that he was trying to befriend him or would give him only the slightest bit of indulgence because of this. Maybe he should do something about that. Yes, he should finally show the consequences of Mr. Ross’s insubordination and make him prove that there was visible success behind the crazy teaching ideas he had and if Ross failed he would finally have the perfect argument to show him the door.  
Harvey who had sat brooding in his office grabbed a piece of paper and his fountain pen and wrote down questions. He would see what Mr. Ross’ tohubohu had taught the boys about the cradle of the western dramatic arts.

The next day Harvey found himself walking towards Mr. Ross’s classroom, the one he had decided to turn into a theatre, his test paper tucked under his right arm and already feeling victorious. He would put all that craziness to rest.  
Incited by his purposefully angry thoughts he turned the doorknob and crossed the classroom already talking: “Good morning, gentlemen.”  
The surprised look on Mike Ross’s face immediately gave him some kind of satisfaction.  
“I want you to take a test this morning.” Harvey handed his questions to one of the boys in the first row: “Mr. Smith, would you copy that to the blackboard please?”  
The young man jumped up from his bench and started to write the questions onto the blackboard. Mike turned around slightly to be able to read what Mr. Specter had come up with, furthermore it gave him time to hide the frustration that was doubtlessly written all over his face. Of course he knew Mr. Specter had every right to do this but he felt disappointed nonetheless.  
Harvey could not hold back and added: „Now we will see what your methods are worth, Mr. Ross”. Harvey turned back to the students and therefore was not able to see the smile that formed on Mike’s lips when he read the questions that had appeared on the board. Most of the boys did notice it though and this time it was Mike who could not hold back.  
“Good luck, everybody. From what I see here this is absolutely no problem for you, we did this days ago.”  
Of course he could just have waited until Mr. Specter would see the test results for himself but Mike preferred to reassure his scared looking class. The boys did not understand that they had done nothing wrong. It was not them who were tested, it was him and if that was what it took to convince Harvey that he was not a complete idiot then so be it.  
Lacking something else to do, Mike took his copy of “Medea” and pretended to read. He would not give Harvey the satisfaction of looking the slightest bit worried or intimidated. When Harvey saw Mike sitting relaxed at his desk and observed all the boys writing as if the fountain pens could not move fast enough for their thoughts he knew he had been wrong. It was a waste of his time, but now he had started it and he would stay here until everyone had finished their tests.

Two hours later Harvey was back in his office and he had it black on white. Ross’s students were completely up to the standards. On the one hand that was very calming for him as the principal of this school, on the other hand he had to admit he felt stupid now and maybe it was time to show Mike a little approval. Harvey would not apologize, he would never do that – besides he had done nothing wrong. It was his duty to make sure everything was fine.  
“Donna," Harvey called through the only half-closed connecting door and heard the woman in the other room rising from her chair and walking towards him before he saw her entering his office.  
She wore an askew smile on her face and before Harvey could say anything Donna rested her hands on her hips and started to speak: “Let me guess. Your little experiment backfired and now you did nothing but prove that you were wrong not trusting him!”  
“Well, I see I don’t have to talk to you because you already know it all!”  
“I told you I didn't believe that was a good idea to prove your point.”  
Harvey exhaled, unnerved, and Donna looked suspiciously at the pile of papers in front of Harvey: "Let me guess... Young want me to save you from the embarrassment."  
“Would you please take the tests back to him and tell him everything is fine? I’ll talk to him soon.”  
“I just cannot say 'no' to you and you are shamelessly taking advantage of my weakness right now, Mister."  
She tapped her foot and reproachfully furrowed her brow.  
"You should definitely talk to him, Harvey. I know it’s your duty and your right and all that but it was rude.”  
Donna took the papers from Harvey’s table and left him alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again. Thank you for your comments and kudos! I hope you like this chapter...the plot thickens!
> 
> Thanks to my dear [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) who does not let me get away with my inaccuracies! I love her for that (and many other things).

A few weeks later – it was late October by then – Mike observed Harvey as he headed to the stables in his breeches. Before he could talk himself out of it he changed into his own jodhpurs and jackboots as fast as he could and hurried to get Daisy. He knew if he thought twice about what exactly he was doing he would very likely stop himself so he just kept on walking, slowly enough to make sure Harvey would already be gone from the stables when he arrived. That way he could pretend to himself he was not stalking his boss but just going for a ride at the same time and if he would accidentally run into him it was meant to be.  
He found Harvey at the beach. The principal stood next to Blake and watched the ocean. Of course – Mike would have just sat down in the sand on his seat of the pants but Harvey Specter would never do that. For a moment Mike thought about turning around and leaving. What was he doing here? That was nothing but crazy. He should just go and stop bothering his misanthropic boss. Why did he even care? The man had made it more than clear that he was not interested in any kind of inter-human relationship.  
Blake crossed his plans. The horse detected him and turned towards Mike with a small nicker. Of course Harvey did react to his horse's distraction and saw Mike standing on the edge of the beach.  
Harvey mounted quickly and rode towards him.  
"Mr. Ross.” It was nothing more than a statement. If Harvey was surprised to run into him he did not show it.  
Mike hurried to apologize: "I am sorry, I did not mean to disturb you."  
"Well, now you are here, so it's too late for that." Despite the unforgiving content of his words his tone was unfazed and almost amused as he kind of ordered: "Let's ride a short way".  
They fell into a light trot and took the path above the beach. Surprisingly, Harvey initiated a conversation.  
"You proved your riding skills at the foxhunt, Mr. Ross, so you are a really good rider. How so?"  
Harvey’s question made Mike smile. It led his thought back to his childhood. Harvey shot him a sideways glace and Mike started talking.  
"My father taught me. I've been sitting on a horse since I was three. My father was a passionate rider and we used to go riding whenever we had time. After my parents died it helped me to get through it."  
Harvey looked at him indefinably. He was slightly surprised that Mike confided in him so effortlessly, but on the other hand it perfectly fitted his open nature.  
Their eyes met for a little while. Harvey could easily detect Mike's sadness and at the same time the fondness of his memories. Once again he thought how incredibly easy it was to see what was going on inside of the young man.  
"Who raised you then?" Harvey asked further.  
"My Granny took care of me," Mike sighed. ”My parents left enough money to keep everything the way it was. My home teacher was a very nice and very good man. He was with me from the time I was five years old and he stayed until I left for Harvard."  
"Are you not supposed to be a genius? How did that work?"  
Mike shrugged. "I was the youngest in Harvard. And I took my time and studied more subjects than the others. I even went to law school to see if I would maybe make a good attorney. At 21 I had acquired several degrees and finally I decided I wanted to be a teacher. I had always had the idea because I owe my own teacher so much but I thought perhaps there is something better out there. In the end, though, I figured there wasn't."  
Harvey did not give away what he thought about anything Mike had just told him. Mike did not know if he was maybe at least a little impressed or if he thought it was stupid to have all those opportunities and become a teacher of all things. Mike could not guess what was going on inside of Harvey’s mind but he knew if he ever wanted to get into something like a personal conversation with the other man now was the time. But he needed something perfunctory, nothing too intrusive.  
"Where did you grow up?  
Harvey hesitated. He apparently was contemplating if he should answer that. It looked like he wasn't sure if he was comfortable being asked something but he seemed to be deciding he could live with Mike's question.  
"Not very far from here, actually. My family lived just outside New York City. My father died a few years ago and my mother still lives there."  
Harvey quickly changed the subject.  
“I still wanted to talk to you about the test I gave your class. You may have proved that the boys are up to their standards – and I do acknowledge that – but that does not mean I am going to approve of all your methods in the future.”  
Mike smiled and did not stretch the subject any further. He knew that that was the closest to an apology Harvey would ever get and it was enough. So he just nodded and Harvey closed the subject: “So, let's see what Ray's horse can do, come on.”  
And there it was again: a genuine happy smile on Harvey's face before he gave his Arabian the spurs and flew off.  
Mike knew that Harvey was deflecting but he was totally happy with what he'd got.  
He actuated Daisy and galloped after the man on his black stallion. Daisy seemed to be fully aware of Mike's wish to impress his boss and she seemed to give everything that was in her. That way Mike managed to catch up to Harvey, although Blake was one head ahead of Daisy, but Daisy was not a high class bread super horse so what she did was perfect. Harvey tried to get ahead by taking a pasture fence in full gallop but Mike followed without hesitation. He saw Harvey that turned around to see if he had taken the obstacle and Mike shouted: "You need more than that to get rid of me."  
Harvey laughed. It was the first full blown laugh Mike had ever heard of him and it vibrated all through Mike's bones. The man was capable of laughing and when he did it his face was so intoxicatingly beautiful Mike suddenly could not find enough air to fill his lunges. He wanted to see that again! Every day!  
Harvey shouted back: "Maybe next time, Mr. Ross"  
Mike realized they were almost back at the school and they slowed their animals down again.

*****

That night Harvey wandered the dark halls of his little kingdom. Like so often he could not find sleep and sometimes the thick stone walls of the old illustrious building were able to calm him down. When he observed the faint light of a petroleum lamp in the library he knew exactly who was sitting there in the middle of the night, reading.  
His first instinct was to just pass by and go somewhere else but somehow he didn't. Maybe it was someone else in there this time?  
Of course he could not tell a grown man when to go to bed, but what if it was one of the boys who stayed up all night? He had to take care that everything was in ordern and a teacher who stood in front of his class yawning was not a role model he wanted. So it could do no harm to remind Mr. Ross what time it was or he could at least check and if it was Ross he could just leave again like he did the first time.

It was some kind of a déjà vu when Harvey quietly entered the library. The smell of books forthwith surrounded him. He loved the scent of paper. Silently he crossed the big study room with its tables and entered the next room which was filled floor to ceiling with bookshelves. Two narrow spiral staircases leading to a second floor made the rest of the books accessible.  
There also were a few smaller shelves that divided the room and concealed the direct view to the reading chairs in the back. Harvey took a few steps inside so he could see who was sitting in the armchair without being seen behind the books. And of course, there he was: Mike Ross, curled up in the brown leather chair in pajama trousers and a grey undershirt. Next to him, on the small table, stood a teapot and a cup. White steam rose from the teapot and Harvey was suddenly aware that he was staring at the young man who was absorbed in his perusal. He had to leave. Everything was alright, he could go. He turned around and tried to leave as unnoticed as he had arrived.  
“Would you like a cup of tea, Mr. Specter?”  
Harvey almost jumped out of his skin at the calm and seemingly unsurprised voice behind him. He froze. Shit. Mike knew he was there. His heart stuttered in his chest, of course only because Ross had taken him by surprise.  
Harvey stepped out from behind the book-shelf and made his voice sound as self-evident as possible.  
“I saw the light. Just wanted to check if one of the students was avoiding the curfew.”  
Mike nodded and answered as nonchalant.  
“I understand. It's just me avoiding sleeplessness. Tea?”  
Harvey knew he should just leave. He did not do things like that. Having tea in the middle of the night with one of his underlings. He did not want to let anybody believe he was the convivial kind of fellow, fraternizing with his teachers. However, when his lips moved he heard himself say: “Why not, might help me sleep.”  
He walked to the second armchair next to Mike's and took a seat. Mike poured tea into the cup on the table and before Harvey could say another word he got out of his chair and went to the big globe that stood in the corner. Mike opened it. It had been a bar before they put it in here. For obvious reasons there was no more liquor in it but someone seemed to have forgotten the glasses in there.  
Mike returned with one of the glasses and poured himself some of the hot liquid.  
When he had become aware of someone tip-toeing around the bookshelves his heart had nearly stopped because he could only imagine one person who would check on the library at this hour. So he had collected all his courage and asked the sneaking headmaster to join him. Now he was sitting in the library with only one little lamp fighting the darkness and his heart pounded so loudly in his ears that he was fairly sure the other man could hear it.  
Harvey started a conversation, but he made Mike feel like the answer was not of real interest to him.  
“Do you come here often?”  
Mike grinned broadly. Harvey's ostentatious disinterest could not compromise the fact that he was sitting here with him.

"I am the English literature teacher, I am destined to spend my time in the library, am I not?"  
"As long as you are fresh for your classes in the morning, of course."  
"Of course," Mike assured with a sincere nod but a small mocking smile on his lips.  
"So, what is so gripping that it keeps you up till the wee hours?"  
"Well, there is not much I don't already know but I bought a new book: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. It has just been published."  
Harvey looked at him incredulously.  
"Are you telling me this library holds nothing new for you?"  
Harvey's index finger swirled around, gesturing through the room.

"I like to read and if I read something I never forget it. I can recite the first article of the first newspaper I ever read."  
Mike could see that an idea was beginning to form in the other man's mind. Harvey smiled askew, only one corner of his mouth curled up, and he scanned the bookshelves that surrounded them before he got on his feet. Mike could guess what was coming now because the headmaster began to walk along one of the bookshelves, his hand running over the backs and randomly pulling one of the books out.

Mike arched his eyebrows expectantly. The man wanted to challenge him. Well, he was fine with that. As long as Harvey did not leave the room and reach for some specifically scientific stuff Mike was fairly convinced he could do it.

Harvey let the book he was holding in his hands fall open at a random page and lowered his eyes checking what he had grabbed. He then began to read:

_"Iam Phoebus breviore via contraxerat arcum…”_

Mike recognized it after the second word, Seneca’s Apocolocyntosis, and he quickly picked up:

 

_“lucis, et obscuri crescebant tempora somni,_  
 _iamque suum victrix augebat Cynthia regnum,_  
 _et deformis hiemps gratos carpebat honores_  
 _divitis autumni, iussoque senescere Baccho_  
 _carpebat raras serus vindemitor uvas.”_

The book snapped shut and Mike stopped reciting, he watched Harvey putting the book back into the empty space it had left on the shelf and taking a few steps further, stretching his arm higher and picking another random book. Again, Harvey let it fall open coincidentally. He pursed his lips before he started to read: 

_“In medio itineris vitae nostrae_  
 _repperi me in una silva obscura,_  
 _cuius recta via erat devia.”_

Harvey had found Dante's Divina Commedia, a book Mike had read when he was about 14 years old. What kind of bookworm would he be if he didn't know that one.  
Harvey reading to him in Latin gave Mike goose bumps.  
Harvey managed to keep the rhotic perfectly out of his voice when he spoke Latin and he got the lexical stress excellent. Harvey was almost perfect when he spoke the dead language. Mike could listen to this voice forever. Shit! He was staring… he had to talk now, Harvey had already read 3 lines! Mike decided to try something else and jumped in: 

_“Ahi quanto a dir qual era è cosa dura_  
 _esta selva selvaggia e aspra e forte_  
 _che nel pensier rinova la paura._  
 _Tant‘ è amara che poco è più morte;_  
 _ma per trattar del ben ch‘i‘ vi trovai,_  
 _dirò de l‘altre cose ch‘i‘ v‘ho scorte.”_

His little trick seemed to work. Harvey’s eyes showed a tiny but undeniable hint of surprise by Mike’s ability to quote the original version of Dante’s Divina Commedia. He hurried to add:  
“I like to stick to the original, you know since it practically established Italian as a literary language.”  
Mike inwardly hoped that he had not been too much of a wisenheimer but Harvey smiled. That smile was even more gorgeous than the reading and Mike could see the man was impressed and that he liked being here with Mike and challenging him with books.  
“One more?” Harvey asked mischievously.  
“Of course, go ahead!”  
This time Harvey went to the shelf on the opposite wall and after the same procedure he read:  
“The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible;…”  
So finally Harvey had found some English writer and even a fairly new one. Ralph Waldo Emerson's “Nature” was published in 1836, something Mike most definitely knew:  
“…but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence. Nature never wears a mean appearance. Neither does the wisest man extort her secret, and lose his curiosity by finding out all her perfection.”  
Mike was willing to play this game forever if that would allow him to see Harvey enjoying it like he did. Again, Harvey put the book back where it belonged and his eyes already looked around where he could go next.  
“One last,” he suggested and Mike nodded in agreement.  
Harvey changed the shelf again, picked a book and read to Mike:

_"Without wanting it, though. You’ve passed_  
 _So many years without confession, or mass…"_

So he went for The Germans now. Mike had read his Faust, several times even:

_"Do you believe in God?_

_My darling, who dare say:_  
 _‘I believe in God’?_  
 _Choose priest to ask, or sage,_  
 _The answer would seem a joke, would it not,_  
 _Played on whoever asks?"_

“Okay, Mr. Ross, honor to whom honor is due. I dare say you have impressed me.”  
He went back to the armchair and took the tea cup into his hands. Mike followed his every move, amazed that Harvey seemed to be in a good mood now.  
"So now I know what you can do. No wonder you have about a hundred degrees. And you really wanted to be a teacher out of all things. So tell me, Mr. Ross, is being a teacher as fulfilling as you imagined? I mean compared to all the other opportunities you have explored."  
"Yes, it is. I am still convinced this is exactly what I am supposed to do."  
And for the second time that day Mike reached far beyond Harvey's personal borders and he knew he did, but he was determined to risk it:  
"Why did _you_ become a teacher?"  
Mike perceived the instant hesitation at being asked a personal question. It was like someone had burned his hand and urgently drew back from the source. Harvey took a sip from his tea, stalling or forming an answer in his mind before it found its way to his lips.  
"I studied at this school, actually. I joined when I was 14 and stayed here until I went to Harvard. Of course everything was very different back then but at some point I decided that's what I wanted to do and that I wanted to come back here someday as a teacher. It worked, obviously."  
That seemed to be all he was planning on revealing but Mike felt brave and at least he had just entertained the man with his quotation skills. In his eyes that clearly earned him another question. He knew it was probably not a good idea and it would probably annoy the secretive headmaster but Mike had been wondering what was going on with Harvey Specter since day one and he would not get far with scratching on the surface. Mike took a deep breath before he confessed:  
"I was there you know, that day in the stables when you saved that boy."  
Harvey's head shot up and he stared at Mike. For a split second Mike saw that he tried to remember what exactly had happened there that Mike could have seen. He knew Harvey was trying to decide how much he could deny. When it dawned on him what Mike had probably witnessed his voice went cold:  
"What do you mean? What did you see?"  
"I saw that it churned you up completely. It was like you had seen a ghost ... You were shaking."  
Mike's throat tightened more and more while he was speaking. He had difficulties to utter the last words, he observed Harvey tensing as he listened to Mike but as usual Harvey followed his first instinct and tried to nip the whole thing in the bud.  
"It was just a bad memory!"  
No, no, no, Mike would not give up that easily. This chance would never come back, he knew that.  
"Is that the reason you are hiding here?"  
Mike had clearly hit a nerve. Harvey's almost black eyes looked very dangerous now. Dark angry fire burned in his gaze and his voice was venomous:  
"Excuse me?"  
Mike had been exactly right and he went on. It was too late to go back now so he would go forward.  
"You are hiding here behind the walls of this school and behind the walls you have built around yourself. You want everyone to think you are some kind of untouchable loner who needs nobody but that is not true. That is not all you are... What has happened to you?"  
Mike honestly would not have been surprised to get a slap in the face now but nothing happened. Harvey was staring at him until he pressed his words through his clenched jaws.  
"Are you joking? You do honestly have the nerve to ask me that? You have been here for what... three month now? You are just a boy who accidentally is a little smarter than the rest of his class, what do you think you are doing?"  
Harvey looked markedly intimidating in his anger and Mike was about to instinctively retreat, to apologize and never try something like this again but he managed to pull himself together and keep the waver he was feeling out of his voice.  
"I am asking you what I saw back there in that stable. And yes, I dare to try to get behind all your _‘I don't need anybody on this earth'_ shit because I don’t believe one word of it. You know I saw the scars on your back and I know there are even more."  
Harvey was still not ready to give away his personal story, but he wanted to know something else. His question sounded threatening.  
"Why did _you_ not help that boy?"  
"I tried… you were just two seconds faster. I would have ended it right away, of course, what do you think?"  
Harvey seemed to calm down a bit when he heard that. He could have just left now, he should just walk out on Mike and stop this conversation but he was still here.  
He quickly rose to his feet and turned around. Mike thought he was about to leave but instead Harvey tore a window open and breathed in the cool night air. Mike realized how deeply upset Harvey was and for a moment he regretted what he did.  
Silence settled between them and after a few moments Mike began to wonder if Harvey was waiting for him to leave but he just sat there in his chair and looked at Harvey, observed him in silence until his breath slowly calmed down. He did not know how long they remained like that but after some time Harvey turned to him again and started talking.  
"My father died early. I barely remember him. My mother married a new man, one who had money, of course.” Harvey scoffed, his voice dripping with disgust.  
“It turned out he drank too much. Whenever he was drunk, which was quite often, he started to beat me."  
Harvey was back at the chairs now and sat down again, his eyes on Mike as he went on.  
"It was not always that bad but it got worse throughout the years. He hated me, obviously, and when it turned out that he wasn't going to get an own child from my mother it got even worse. He beat me unconscious, he dislocated my shoulder a few times, he broke a few bones and he obviously liked to use his quirt on me instead of his horse."  
Mike’s stomach turned and his guts clenched. He could not believe what he heard and how Harvey tried to hide the hurt and pain he was feeling under sarcasm. It did not work. Mike’s hands trembled and it was hard for him to even stay seated.  
Harvey went on, his voice was still calm but very low now.  
"This school saved my life. If I had not made it here he would have killed me someday."  
Mike did not know what to say, he was overwhelmed with feelings.  
The hurt and pain that flew over the always so restrained face threw him into a whirl of emotions. He felt overpowered with hatred and disgust for the unknown man that did this to Harvey and he felt like crying for the little boy who had had to suffer so much and he wished he could do something to help the gorgeous man who was sitting in front of him to start to heal his broken soul.  
Mike did not think anymore, he just seemed to have completely forgotten whom he was talking to. He left his armchair and crouched in front of the sitting man and reached for the hand Harvey had clenched into a tight ball. His knuckles were white and his hand shaking from the force Harvey used to curl his fingers together.

What was happening? Once again he found himself willing to open up to Mike Ross. Confiding in him seemed something like an unconscious decision his mind was making without asking his brain first. Harvey could not understand why he did this or how the other man was always able to get to him but he also had to admit it felt good. It felt so damn good to tell someone. It was a relief to let someone know. Harvey was not stupid or dwelled on self-denial and he knew well enough that acting like he did was his way of coping with his nightmares and fears and scars. And now he had told Mike Ross of all people!  
The words he had spoken had conjured the memories in his mind and for a moment he felt like the scared injured boy who had nothing to oppose against the blind drunken rage of a grown man. When Mike's hand reached for his painfully clenched fist Harvey did not fight it and when Mike's fingers softly tried to open his hand he gave in. Paralyzed, he watched Mikes warm hand stroking his flat palm once after he had managed to open it up.  
Mike looked at him with pale watery eyes overflowing with fondness and he whispered:" I am so sorry."  
Harvey reacted for once like his heart told him to react and he squeezed Mike's hand. He just let it happen and took the offered consolation and it felt good. Being touched felt good. Mike's touch felt good. The warm skin on his skin... No! It was too familiar, too intimate, too much.  
Harvey wrenched his hand from Mike’s touch and hardened his voice.  
“He died a few years ago. I did not go to the funeral. It’s over.”  
In the blink of an eye Harvey changed right in front of Mike's eyes. His walls came back up again and his face hardened anew. His words sounded curtly and he rose.  
"I don't know why I am telling you this."  
And with that he was gone.  
Mike was left behind.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and all your comments. I am so happy you liked this fic so far and I hope you'll like the new chapter.

Thanksgiving was going to be in a few weeks and Mike learned that most of the students would head home and stay with their families for the holiday. Everybody who either had no noteworthy family or no family within reach of a coach trip would stay at the school. Traditionally the kitchen staff cooked a huge feast and everybody who had stayed came together in the hall to have Thanksgiving dinner.

Harvey had not talked to Mike since the last time they had met in the library. He ignored him completely and Mike was left alone with so many feelings he could barely sleep and he hated the fact that his oh so acute mind simply refused to come up with a useful idea of what he could or should do now. 

Mike balanced two cups filled with hot, steaming coffee from the kitchen all the way to Donna's office. A ritual he performed whenever he had a craving for caffeine - which at the moment was a state he was in almost permanently since it was the only thing that kept him working - and some free time for a little chitchat. Donna's face always lit up when Mike maneuvered the cups into her office and she immediately left her desk to sit down with him at the coffee table she had in her room along with two small mustard colored and gold embellished loveseats. Whenever Mr. Specter was in his office right next door Donna gave Mike a silent hint to lower his voice if he did not want their boss to hear what he had to say. That did not mean that Donna would not tell him everything later regardless but she usually found better words to feed to him what he needed to know or what Donna wanted him to know.   
This time however Donna began talking the second she sat down next to Mike and reached for her coffee.  
"So, Mr. Genius Ross, what do you play?"  
Mike was just about to have his first sip but stopped in mid-movement to look at Donna, not knowing what she was talking about.  
"Cards...?", he tried. It was more a question than anything else and he was quite sure that it was not what Donna was talking about.  
Donna placed her cup back on the table and shook her head.  
"No, no, no... I am talking about instruments. Don't tell me you missed learning some kind of musical instrument."  
Of course Mike had learned to play an instrument but ever since he had left home and gone to Harvard he had never touched a double bass again. Not on purpose, the opportunity had just never arisen again. When he thought about it now, he actually missed it.  
"I play the double bass. Why?"  
For some reason Donna seemed to be very happy about his choice of instrument.  
"That's perfect! No one plays the double bass." Then she finally decided to fill Mike in on what this was all about.  
"Every year on Thanksgiving evening the teachers give a little concert for all the others who are staying at the school on that holiday. It's a tradition and I love it really, it's very festive."  
Mike was not convinced yet that he loved the idea of playing in front of his colleagues and everybody else, yet he encouraged Donna to go on.  
"Tell me more."

Donna used her fingers and enumerated the Woodlands orchestra.  
"Well, we have Stephen, who plays the piano, me on the cross flute, Dominic plays the bassoon, Louis, Daniel and Cameron play the violin. Travis can switch between the oboe and the piano, Katrina plays the cello and Harvey plays the clarinet. And since Johanna is the third person who plays the piano she normally acts as the maestro. We need someone to keep us together,” Donna laughed.

Mike's eyes widened inevitably. His heart fluttered against his rib cage when he heard that Harvey obviously left his high horse for Thanksgiving and joined his subjects in an activity.  
Donna giggled at Mike's expression. She seemed to know exactly what he was thinking.  
"Yes, believe it or not – the headmaster himself will join us. Harvey loves music and he is really good."  
Mike had to restrain himself not to show his excitement about this new opportunity to spend time with Harvey and perhaps to be able to get a little closer again. He knew pushing him would never work so this was perfect. Mike wouldn't have been the one to have set the whole thing up and Harvey had to attend.   
"So, how does this work? Thanksgiving is not that far away anymore."   
Mike tried to sound unimpressed and casual despite the fact that his heart was beating painfully fast and his thoughts were racing. He did not even have his instrument here. What if he was terribly out of practice? What if he was too lousy to play with the others and made a fool of himself in front of Harvey?   
"We normally start practicing together. About, well, the day after tomorrow... I am sorry, I had planned to tell you last week but I was occupied and forgot about it. We practice twice or three times a week before dinner, depending on how much progress we are making."  
Well, that sounded like there was no possible excuse not to take part in this unless one had a broken finger or something like that.  
"But I did not bring my double bass here with me."  
“Of course we have... well, not yours but our music room is well equipped with instruments.”  
“What do we play?”   
“We always do one piece together and then we split up into smaller groups. For example the two of us could team up with Travis, he could switch to piano and we could do Schubert's Arpeggione Sonata, only the second movement and the closing Allegretto, I'd suggest. We’ll have to add the flute for me, but that shouldn’t be a problem – and there we go. It is a beautiful piece for double bass.  
Stephen and Harvey are going to play Brahms' clarinet sonata, Stephen already told me that. Of course you can also do a solo or see what the others have planned. I am sure they all would love to make room for a double bass.”

The idea to play something with Donna was perfect. Mike hurried to agree: ”No, that's a good idea. I’d love to play with you. When do we start?”  
“I am sure we will manage to squeeze our practice time in somewhere. We could sacrifice one our two hours after dinner for example.”

*****

The music room was one of the few rooms Mike had never entered yet, just because he had never had anything to do in here before. Like everything in this school the room was perfectly equipped and beautifully furnished. It was almost a small hall with a very high ceiling and elegant white stucco. A grand piano stood in the corner and there even was a harpsichord next to it. The boys who played an instrument usually brought their own instruments with them – besides the piano, of course.  
Mike opened one of the cabinets and held his breath for a moment. Unbelievable! There was nothing that wasn't there. The double bass Mike saw leaning in there was excellent! It actually looked like no one had ever played it before. Someone had to be taking very good care of those instruments.  
Mike took the big wooden body from the cabinet and chose the right bow. He hadn't played in years so he felt a little nervous with anticipation.   
Mike sat down on the high stool he found between other seating furniture and placed the endpin to the floor to adjust it to his sitting position so he could easily reach the playing zones of the strings.   
It was a violin formed bass, the back, neck and ribs were made of maple, the top of spruce and the fingerboard and tailpiece of ebony. Mike played a few notes and tuned the instrument until he was content and ready to coax straight sounds out of it.  
The big wooden body came alive, the long strings reverberated for seconds and Mike was effortlessly drawn back into the music and into feeling his instrument. The dark and smoky sound vibrated through his body, the warm broad timbre filled the room and Mike was not sure why he had ever stopped playing. 

*****

Two days later it was time for the first orchestra rehearsal and Mike felt jumpy from the moment he opened his eyes in the morning. It took him almost one hour to get dressed because he could not decide what he wanted to wear. Finally he went for a three piece suit with a frock coat in pale grey and a white shirt with a tall stand-up collar, his tie in a bow knot. At the end he felt at least partly ready to face Harvey later.

Mike approached the music room breathing deeply in and out, his sweaty palms buried in his pockets. He was concerned that Harvey might choose to ignore him consistently and that that would make the following three weeks downright painful.   
Thankfully there was already a lot going on inside the room. Louis and Daniel were busy arranging the chairs properly and Stephen and Travis were about to tune their instruments. Mike took his double bass from the stand in the corner and sat down on his high stool.   
The atmosphere was light and chatty. Everyone was talking and joking around. Katrina and the two violins sat down next to Mike, the harpsichord was placed behind them. Cameron entered the room and joined the violins and next to them came Donna and then Travis with his oboe and Dominic with the bassoon. Only one chair was still empty. 

Harvey finally joined them, holding his clarinet in his right hand. He went straight to the empty chair next to the oboe and sat down.  
Mike was surprised to see him smiling and relaxed. He nodded into the round looking at nobody in particular and laid the clarinet down in his lap. Everybody was finally seated and Johanna took her place in front of them to take the lead.  
“Ladies and gentlemen, nice to have you here again. This year we are going to play Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto No. 4.”

Mike had been too busy worrying about Harvey to realize the music stand right in front of him had already the right sheets on it. 

“Let’s start with the first movement, the winds go first.”

Harvey lifted the clarinet to his lips and began to play. Mike rolled his eyes: That was just too sexy to not be irritating! Mike had to drag his eyes away from Harvey playing his clarinet and even more specifically from Harvey's mouth. He decided to keep his eyes strictly on his sheet music, even though he did not need it after having read the score once, but who cared? It would keep him from devouring his boss’ lips.

The rehearsal went far better than Mike had expected, presumably because the others did this every year and were used to playing together, which made it easier for Mike to join in. They still had to stop several times and start from the beginning until everyone got it right but for Mike it was enough that he was not the cause of that.  
Donna was right. Harvey played exceptionally well and it was visible how much he loved it. The only other time Mike had seen him equally relaxed had been on horseback.   
They finished at six, just in time to go over to dinner.   
Mike was very aware of the fact that Harvey was walking behind him down the hallway towards the entrance hall they had to cross to get to the dining room. His hair stood on end and his skin crawled as he suppressed the urge to turn around.  
“You play well, Mr. Ross. I am curious to hear you with Mrs. Huntley.”  
This few words made Mike almost topple over with surprise.   
Apparently, Harvey had decided to talk to him again and even add a compliment!   
Mike managed only a “Thank you, Mr. Specter” before Harvey passed him by and started a conversation with Travis and Katrina who were walking in front of Mike. 

*****

Red wine was warmly buzzing through Mike's bloodstream as he made his way back from the kitchen where he had been drinking a glass or two with Donna and Stephen and a few others after dinner. Bertha and Ray had been there, too. Mike had been one of the last people at the table, together with Ray, and they had lost track of time talking.

Now he felt a little tipsy on the way to his room but he was not drunk. He could still walk and talk absolutely straight. In the corridor between the kitchen and the entrance hall he stopped and listened. He was not drunk enough to hear imaginary music so someone really was playing. Mike stepped closer to the music room where he had located the sound and it took him only a few more seconds to realize who was playing. It was the sound of a clarinet... It was Harvey!   
Suddenly Mike was thankful for the liquid courage that circled through his system because the next thing would have been so much harder to do had he been sober. He could not let this chance slip through his fingers so he walked up to the door of the music room and listened a little more closely for a few seconds before he pressed the handle down, very slowly and as stealthy as he could manage. Silently Mike pushed the door open just wide enough to fit through the gap. Holy shit! There he was! The most informal Mike had ever seen his boss. He wore only a white shirt, sleeves rolled back over his elbows, no vest, no tie around the stand-up collar and dark trousers, the mouthpiece between his lips and concentrating on the music. Mike held his breath and just watched wide-eyed and with a thundering heart.

"What are you doing here?" Harvey sounded surprised and maybe a little annoyed. He clearly was not pleased.  
Mike's head jerked up. Although he had been aware that Harvey would notice him sooner or later he was still startled by the sharp voice but due to the wine he nonetheless managed a witty reply.   
"I am sorry, Mr. Specter, but I had to make sure you are not a student avoiding bedtime."  
The principal stared him down, his dark eyes showed no hint of acknowledgment for Mike's reference. Mike started to crumble inwardly. All the alcohol in the world was no use against this dark-eyed stare.  
Mike was just about to flee the scene when he realized a slight shift in Harvey’s demeanor. The unnerved stare became softer and the slightest smile curled his lips, forming tiny wrinkles next to his eyes, and he nodded: "I see. So now that you have checked that out you can also make yourself useful and take your instrument."  
Mike could not obey quickly enough and hurried to his bass.   
Harvey waited until Mike had arranged himself on the stool and his instrument against his bended knee.   
"So is it the same with notes as it is with books? Do you know everything by heart?"  
Mike let the bass sink further against his chest and held on slightly to the big wooden body to hide how intimidated he once more felt by Harvey talking to him again and at the same time unspeakably relieved that he had been forgiven the intrusion.  
"Well, I don't make a habit of reading sheet music in my spare time but everything I've played once I do remember."  
"So what about this?" Harvey started playing Chopin’s nocturne Op.9 no.2.  
Mike smiled and joined in. He almost forgot to move his bow when  
Harvey smiled back at him around the mouthpiece of his clarinet before he played the next notes. A real smile that went to his eyes – and it was directed at him! 

They played together beautifully. It felt like they had done this a million times before. Harvey played marvelously, almost perfectly, and so did Mike. Mike maybe had not played in a long time but it all came back to him as if he had never stopped and right now he was utterly thankful that the last days practicing with Donna and their little orchestra had given him his skills back in no time. The thick stone walls isolated the music room extremely well and not very much sound escaped it, otherwise they would have woken up half the school but Harvey knew that, of course, or he would never have done this.   
After two pieces the principal laid his clarinet down.  
"You play really well, Mr. Ross! Almost as good as I do," he smirked at Mike during this last sentence and Mike felt encouraged.   
"Almost? May I say I heard a little stumble in the third measure?"   
"Careful, Mr. Ross, gloating does not suit you."  
Mike raised his eyebrows in surprise. “What, I can't gloat?”  
“Gloating is fine, you just have to be good at it.”  
They both laughed lightly and Mike observed once again how ridiculously handsome his boss was when the mask dropped.  
A painful sting shot through Mike's heart while he put his bass back on the stand. Their laughter had subsided and suddenly the room was so quiet. The only sound Mike heard was the small click when Harvey put his instrument back in its case. Mike turned around and it must have been the wine in combination with the vibrant feeling the music had left behind as well as his desperate wish to break through to Harvey that made him take a few steps towards him. It was almost the same situation again, Mike trying to get a reaction out of Harvey, but he just could not help himself. He wanted to poke the bear once more: "Where was your mother when it happened?"

There it was again, the angry fire in Harvey's dark eyes and the freezing cold in his voice. "What exactly gives you the impression you are allowed to talk to me like that", he principal hissed and his face showed that he could barely believe Mike had dared to ask him something like that _again!_  
Mike did not respond, he just fought to keep upright and to appear collected in the face of Harvey’s wrath.   
He swallowed hard against the lump that constricted his throat and asked again: "When he beat you like that, where was she?"   
Mike took another step towards him. He was still far from his boss’ personal space because he assumed stepping too close would definitely drive Harvey away.  
Surprisingly Harvey did not leave or stop Mike right there. Despite his angry look he seemed to think about Mike's question and he finally cleared his throat. His eyes did not meet Mike's when he spoke – he seemed to look at something only he was able to see.   
"He did the same to her. She tried to help me, she tried to get him away but she always had to pay for it. He was unstoppable." 

Not even Harvey was able to hide the hurt and anger he felt talking about that. Mike could see Harvey’s fist clenched and shaking and he felt his eyes tear up because seeing Harvey fighting so hard and imagining what he must have been through just tore his heart apart.

Harvey went on and even his voice was shaking now: "I was not able to protect her... I should have... I should have killed him... Every day I thought about it... but I could not do it."

Mike could not believe what he heard. So besides all he had to suffer he also blamed himself for not being able to stop his tormentor.   
"You were a boy, a _child_! You could not have protected her! And you cannot honestly blame yourself for not being a murderer! You are so much better than him."  
Harvey's eyes returned to Mike's. The angry fire was gone and he just looked at Mike for a few moments before he reached for the black case on the chair next to him.  
Mike was prepared for him to leave but Harvey went on, his back turned to Mike and his eyes on the case: "Well, the alcohol finally did what I couldn't. She is still alive, you know, but she does not remember. She does not even remember who I am."  
An overwhelming urge to do something took possession of Mike. He deeply wished he were able to comfort the man in front of him, to somehow touch and reassure him, but he knew that was impossible, that everything would go to shit if he did this. Last time he had acted completely on instinct and Harvey had fled like he had burned himself. He was clearly aware that probably only one other person on this earth knew what he had just heard. For Harvey it probably had been a superhuman act of self-conquest to talk to him at all. 

And he was right because he had seen this before. In the blink of an eye Harvey shut down again and his tone was back to cold and gruffly: "Good night, Mr. Ross. It was nice to play with you."

*****  
The door of the music room fell closed behind him and Harvey took a deep breath. What the fuck had just happened! Again!   
He needed to get away from the door before Ross decided to leave! Harvey refused to run but he walked up the stairs very quickly and away from all the others in this house to his own room. Again he had talked to this nosy boy about his personal life. Why had that happened?!  
"Fuck," Harvey ruggedly slammed the black case onto his coffee table and collapsed onto his couch only to stand up again and walk over to his bar. He impatiently pulled the plug from his scotch carafe like it had personally offended him. He was angry. Angry about himself! Why in the entire world did he feel the need to share all this information with Mike Ross! Mike Ross of all people! And it was not only personal, it was utmost and deeply intimate, for god’s sake!   
This man stood there in front of him, looking at him with those blue and open and caring eyes and he just spilled his guts out! Harvey downed the whiskey. "What is wrong with you, Specter“, he muttered angrily to himself and refilled his glass. This time he sat down on his sofa and pressed the cool glass to his forehead. He needed to calm down, to breathe and to slow down his spinning thoughts. What was that? Harvey could think of nobody in his entire life who had ever made him feel like that... Somehow comfortable in his presence and safe to act on his feelings... Are you out of your mind? You don't know a thing about this man!

But when he closed his eyes his mind was unavoidably flooded with images. Blake pressing his head to Mike's chest, Mike being the only person who recognized that he was in pain after the foxhunt and Mike touching his skin. He should never have allowed that, no matter how much pain he had been in. Harvey was completely aware that every time he wandered around the school at night his eyes went to the library to see if Mike was there and that so far he had successfully fought the impulse to go in there.  
Tonight the second he became aware that Mike had entered the music room his stomach had turned. He had never felt something like that before. Harvey was confused and angry with himself and he hated both.

What was even worse was that every time Mike Ross squeezed some information about his past out of him, he remembered. He remembered his stepfather, completely drunk and out of his mind, standing over him and beating him. He remembered the boy he once had been, curled up in a corner with his arms around his head and scared to death. He remembered every time he had thought that this was the end, that this time his stepfather would not stop, that this time he would die.   
"You bloody son of a bitch," Harvey hissed wrathfully to the image of his stepfather and he downed another scotch. Anger was the only reaction he had in him, the only thing that kept the dark thoughts away – this and the knowledge that he had become a better man, that he had overcome the old bastard and that he had his life in order.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait - you know, Christmas and New Year and stuff! I hope you like this chapter as much as I do! And thank you sal_si_puedes for finding every hamster in my scribbling ;)

Only two days later Mike had to explain his methods again.  
Mike taught Classics in the class with the oldest students and he made them all stand on their chairs on that particular day. He quizzed them in pairs by quoting them a short passage of “De bello Gallico” and the boy who was quickest to give him the correct translation stayed on his chair, the other one had to sit down. The last one standing was the winner.  
Mike noticed Hardman only from the corner of his eye. The other teacher had taken a short look through the window in the classroom door and had then disappeared again.  
Mike did not give it a second thought. He was occupied with the game.  
In the afternoon he had to find out that Hardman had done more than just look because Mike was once again called into Principal Specter’s office.  
This time he did not even bother to wait for Harvey to start talking.  
Mike entered after he was called in and asked straight away:  
"What did I do wrong this time?"  
Harvey was sitting behind his chair completely unfazed and nothing in his pose or tone showed what had happened between them only two days ago.  
"Would you mind explaining to me how standing on the furniture is supposed to do any good?," Harvey deadpanned.  
Mike sighed, in disbelieve. For real? Hardman had run to the principal to tattle? That was so fucking stupid he did not even know how to react to this.  
His voice sounded defeated as he touched the bridge of his nose with his right hand and exhaled unnervedly: "It was just a little competition to make things more interesting. Just a harmless quiz."  
"I see, Mr. Ross. You like to think outside the box. That may be an advantage occasionally – but the disadvantage is that you will have to keep explaining yourself."  
Mike was really pissed now, in fact he was not far from seeing red and he knew it. Mostly because he just could not believe that he had gotten ratted on. This situation had become ridiculously repetitive. He had tried it with submission before but now he had enough: "So be it, Mr. Specter. If you choose to keep on summoning me and I keep on giving you the same damn answer every time, then that is how it is going to be. One thing is for sure: It will not change my mind. And if you want to fire me I cannot stop you." And he turned around on his heel and left the room.  
Steaming with anger and disappointment that this was everything Harvey had to say to him after what had happened in the music room, Mike closed the principal’s office door behind him and went to Donna's adjacent. He had to talk to someone about this or he was going to explode or jump down Hardman's throat and suffocate him.  
Donna was not surprised to see him. She had probably listened to their argument through the door. Donna was practically Specter's secretary, but she was also more than that. She just managed everything around the school and she knew everything that happened and she knew every person that had anything to do with Woodlands.

Donna greeted him with the imitation of a shocked face. Both her eyebrows arched upwards and she sat very straight in her chair, watching Mike collapsing into her gold embellished loveseat. He lowered his voice to be inaudible for Mr. Specter in the next room:  
"What the fuck was that!? As if it wasn't enough that Specter tries to criticize me all the time! Now Hardman runs to daddy like a spoiled little brat to complain. What's his problem? Specter already surveilled me enough without Hardman stabbing me in the back."  
Donna serenely listened to him before she leaned forward, putting her arms on the desk, and whispered: "First of all, dang it, I did not think you had it in you to talk to him like that! And second, Daniel is an idiot and believe me – Harvey knows that and, most importantly, he seems to like you. He wouldn't even bother to talk to you if he didn't. He'd just get rid of you. "  
Mike looked at her incredulously: "You mean – him, talking to me at all means that I don't completely suck?"  
Donna nodded: "Something like that. “  
"Shit! And I just more or less yelled at him."  
Donna wore an amused smile on her lips and waved him off: “Ah, he is a big boy, he can take it. I bet he is more impressed than pissed off."  
Mike covered his face with one hand running it over his forehead in discomfort:  
"We'll see if that's true." He had to drag himself out of the loveseat and back to class. At the moment Mike would have preferred to stay there and soak in his anger towards Daniel and sway between fear and pride because he'd snubbed at Harvey.

Uncharacteristically for Harvey, he felt a little bad about what had happened that afternoon and the fact that he had criticized Mike - _again_! Honestly he had almost made peace with Mike's funny little games and perhaps he should just have let it go this time. He should have been more pissed off with Daniel who had come running like a five year old whose cookies had been stolen. Harvey knew he'd just followed his need to never let Mike forget that he was nothing special to him by scolding him - unfortunately exactly that made him special.

It was the little persistent voice in the very back of his head that finally steered his feet to the library to see if some light shone through the door.  
And it did.  
Harvey still hesitated. Why should he do this again? Go in there once more to talk to Mike?  
 _Because you want to mitigate your stupid stubborn behavior_ , he answered his own question and entered the silent, almost completely dark room. This time he went straight to where Mike was sitting and asked airily: "Are you up for a new round, Mr. Ross?

Mike was beyond surprised and almost shocked to see Harvey standing in the dim light of the library. After the new attack against him just earlier that day Harvey was the last person Mike had expected to see.  
Harvey strolled in and nonchalantly leaned against a bookshelf. He wore a white shirt and a vest with a silver pocket watch chain, no tie, the sleeves rolled up and his hands in the pockets of his trousers.  
"Cat got your tongue?", Harvey asked, smirking, and Mike realized he had been staring at his boss, too stunned to talk.  
So he hurried to answer the initial question.  
"Of course, go ahead. Do you think you can find something I don't know this time?"  
"Let's see..."  
Mike's eyes followed every move of his principal as he walked along the rows of bookshelves in the faint light of the single lamp next to Mike. 

Like the last time Harvey haphazardly pulled out a book, opened it and started to read something:

 _“All the perceptions of the human mind resolve themselves into two_  
 _distinct kinds, which I shall call Impressions and Ideas…”_

Harvey had found Mr. David Hume and with that, again, something Mike knew. So he jumped in quickly:

 _“The difference between these consists in the degrees of force and_  
 _liveliness, with which they strike upon the mind, and make their way into_  
 _our thought or consciousness. Those perceptions, which enter with most_  
 _force and violence, we may name impressions: and under this name I_  
 _comprehend all our sensations, passions and emotions, as they make their_  
 _first appearance in the soul.”_

It had been a few weeks since they had last done this and like last time Harvey walked once more along the bookshelves until he stopped somewhere and took a second book without looking. Mike loved how his eyes sparkled whenever he thought he had something Mike did not know.  
Then he let the book fall open and Harvey started reading without thinking about it, he did not check first what he would be reading from. He just read:

_He said no more until they had regained the spot where he had broken_  
 _off; there, he again stood still, and again grasped the stone. In saying_  
 _what he said then, he never looked at her; but looked at it and wrenched at it_

Mike's mouth went dry the very second he heard the words. His heart started to race in his chest and he stared at the other man who was reading the lines. He wanted to see if he would stumble over them like Mike did in his mind. He had to decide what he wanted to do next in the blink of an eye. He could either gloss over it and mechanically recite a few lines and let Harvey switch to the next book or he could use this to finally do something he would either regret bitterly or help him break through the other man's defenses.  
His decision was made when Harvey stopped reading and Mike observed him swallowing heavily - Harvey had recognized the book, too. Mike he knew he had to do something right now or the moment would be lost. He licked his suddenly very dry lips, rose from the chair and spoke:

_You know what I am going to say. I love you. What other men may mean_  
 _when they use that expression, I cannot tell; what I mean is, that I am_  
 _under the influence of some tremendous attraction which I have resisted_  
 _in vain, and which overmasters me…._

Mike could hear the slight tremble in his voice. His heart was beating so fast it threatened to take his breath away. Mike locked eyes with the other man and kept on walking towards him. When he reached the shelf Harvey was still standing at, rooted to the spot, he stopped and leaned against it close to Harvey, keeping maybe an arm's length between them. Harvey did not break the eye contact and Mike had to concentrate on taking a deep breath to keep his voice halfway steady and went on slowly.

_You could draw me to fire, you could draw me to water, you could draw_  
 _me to the gallows, you could draw me to any death,…_

Harvey's chest rose and fell visibly now and Mike could hear him fight for air. Harvey held on to the open book in front of him but his eyes were locked with Mike’s he whispered hoarsely: "Stop it, stop talking."  
But Mike did not stop. The reaction his words elicited made it suddenly so very clear that he was not alone in this.

 _…you could draw me to anything I have most avoided, you could draw_  
 _me to any exposure and disgrace…_

Harvey’s arms that still held the book sank down and he closed his eyes, leaning heavily against the bookshelf, visibly fighting for control, fighting to keep the upper hand.

“Don’t do this," his voice was shaking, his eyes squeezed shut as if he was in pain.

Mike was unable to stop. He needed to say it. He needed to make clear to Harvey what he was feeling.

_This and the confusion of my thoughts, so that I am fit for nothing, is what_  
 _I mean by your being the ruin of me…_

Harvey's eyes snapped open and this time the dark angry fire was back.

"Mike, stop it right now.“

Mike stopped, fully aware that this was the first time the older man had used his first name. Harvey's voice was abruptly back to its normal commanding tone but his eyes where pleading and there was something else in them. Fear?

Harvey broke their eye contact and Mike could see his jaw muscles work with tension as he panted out: "Go! Leave!"

When Mike did not obey instantly he spat out: "Now, Mike! Now! Get out of my sight!"

Mike left, almost running all the way back to his room.  
Holy shit, what had he done? That had been un-fucking-believable dumb and brave and sexy and scary and hot, all at the same time, and the most stupid thing he had ever done! His heart was still jumping in his chest and his blood was rushing through his veins from the image of Harvey's eyes on him. Those few moments when Harvey had lost a shred of his self-control and the sound of his voice when he had told Mike to stop.  
Simultaneously he felt sick with fear when he remembered the look in the other man's eyes the second he had brought his walls back up! The fire in Harvey's black eyes had scared him to death. 

The following days were pure torture. Harvey ignored him completely. At mealtimes but the tension between them was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Mike could not stop looking at the other man whenever he got a chance and he thought he could feel Harvey’s eyes burning into his skin but he was not sure if that was not just a product of his imagination because officially he was ignored completely. Mike's thoughts went on and on for days, a steady never stopping mill wheel. He could not think about anything else but what had happened and what might happen next. What should he do? What _could_ he do? And there were the thoughts which did nothing else than imagine how it would feel to be with Harvey, how it would feel to kiss him and to touch him, to finally break through all the damned fear and self-hatred and discipline and make him moan under his touch.  
Shit, Mike, he thought, you are so fucked! You are full of crap if you really hope anything of this is ever going to happen !


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter is ready. Thank you so much for your comments and kudos I hope you like what I did this time.

How was he supposed to survive this evening? Mike's hands shook too much to get his necktie straight. He needed three tries to tie it properly. It was Thanksgiving and dinner was going to start in half an hour. Tonight there would be more difficulties than being ignored during a meal – tonight would be a very long and certainly a very painful evening.  
Mike checked his appearance and he had to admit that the black cutaway with a steel gray waistcoat, wing-collared shirt and black necktie suited him very well. He looked older and more sophisticated than usual, more like a grown, more serious man. But his spirit fell rapidly when he thought about what that meant: If _he_ already looked way better then normally in his evening attire how gorgeous would Harvey look tonight? Shit! Mike rubbed the heel of his hand over his forehead and exhaled deeply. Could all of this get even harder to do?  
There was nothing he could change about it, though. He had to get down there and do his best to look confident. 

The tables in the dining hall had been rearranged for tonight's special occasion and the black piano had been moved from its usual spot in a corner more into the center of the hall and the chairs for the musicians where already waiting for the musicians. Even the harpsichord from the music room stood there because they needed it for Bach. All tables where set and festively decorated with silver candleholders, white napkins, small orange and yellow pumpkins and shiny chestnuts for a seasonal decoration. Everything looked very festive and promised a joyful evening.

Even though most of the students had gone home a surprisingly large crowd had gathered. People were standing around in small groups, chatting and waiting for the meal to start. Mike carefully checked the room, utterly relieved that Harvey was not yet to be seen, so he quickly joined Louis, Travis and Katrina who were nearest to him and already sipping on a glass of champagne.  
Louis tapped Mike friendly on his shoulder: ”Hey Mike, excited about tonight?!"  
Since they had spent all those hours playing music together they had finally all given up on the Mr. and Mrs. with him and had moved on to a first name basis.  
“Ready for our little concert?”  
Mike smiled politely and gave some perfunctory reply while all he was really doing was letting his eyes roam the room, dreading Harvey’s appearance. He needed to be prepared. He would not be able to bear being surprised by the sight of Harvey Specter tonight. He needed to see him first and get over it. Mike tried to mingle but he could not stop his eyes from constantly checking the door. Of course Harvey did not show up one minute too early and Bertha had already called everyone to the tables when Harvey finally walked through the door and it was just like Mike had supposed. His heart started pumping blood in double speed stomping in his chest so hard, he was convinced everybody around him was able to notice his condition. He desperately tried to look at Harvey in not too obvious a manner. There was absolutely no way he could get over this. Harvey looked breathtakingly handsome in his black tailcoat and white shirt and an ascot tie. Of course he had chosen the complete white tie attire and… shit! This was going to get really hard. Naturally Harvey went for a table that was not Mike's and sat down. Mike could have sworn Harvey had not even looked at him for one second. 

Dinner started and the food was delicious. Sadly, Mike did not manage to eat much. His stomach refused to settle down and his throat was too tight for him to enjoy the turkey. While he pretended to listen to the conversation and managed to answer at least two direct questions he internally tried to prepare for the fact that he had to sit face to face with Harvey during their concert. He decided to sit down on his chair and keep his eyes on the bass and, most importantly, to play like he had not a care in the world and to make it perfect.

It was hard to do but Mike managed to get to his high stool without coming too close to Harvey and without looking at him. He just exchanged a few words with Katrina, since she would sit next to him anyway, on their way to the makeshift stage and pretended to be fully occupied with that. Once he had his double bass between his legs he held on to the huge wooden body and fixed his eyes either on the maestro or on his bow.  
Nonetheless he was painfully aware of Harvey’s presence and he was dying to see if Harvey looked at him or if he would be able to detect any kind of emotion in Harvey's gaze but Mike did not give in and instead poured all his tumbling feelings into the bass.

Unfortunately the evening was far from over after Mike had suffered through dinner and the concert. He had to listen to Daniel, Louis and Katrina and after that came Cameron and Stephen before it was Donna’s, Travis’ and his turn. After their performance Mike would sneak out as soon as possible. It had been enough for tonight. He would not sit there and watch Harvey perform. His limit of self-torture had definitely been surpassed for tonight.

After one hour of magnificent music which he had not been able to enjoy tonight, it was finally their turn. Mike watched Donna rising from Harvey's table and walking towards Mike to meet him half way down the corridor the tables formed before they turned to the stage.  
This was the perfect opportunity to look into Harvey's directions without actually looking at him. Mike shot Donna the brightest eye sparkling smile he could manage, fully aware that the angle could make the impression that his smile was directed at Harvey.  
After the three of them had taken their seats Travis began to play.

The Adagio, after a short piano introduction, offered a fine singing melody for the double bass. Mike knew he was good, he had gotten the sheer beauty of the second theme and the pulsating accents of the Rondo theme perfect.  
Starting the closing Allegretto he could not restrain himself any longer and looked into the hall right to where he knew Harvey was sitting.  
Nobody would be able to tell where exactly he was looking so he searched for Harvey's eyes and noticed that the other man was staring at him. A cloudy, intense stare. Mike held the dark gaze as along as his pounding heart allowed but lowered his eyes back to the instrument before the trembling in his hands could affect the performance. 

*****

Harvey had managed to ignore Mike Ross the whole evening or at least to only look at him a few times without Mike noticing it. He was hell-bend to get this evening over without let anything rattle him the slightest bit.  
When Donna left his table and walked directly towards Mike Harvey's eyes followed her and there it was: A big bright beautiful smile in Mike's face. For one moment Harvey thought Mike beamed at him and his heart missed a beat before he realized Mike was only looking at Donna.  
He had to admit: Not laying eyes on Mike was easier said than done when all he really wanted to do was to watch Mike play but he would not stop ignoring him just because he twanged his bass. He was Harvey Specter and he would not be charmed by a little melody.  
The music started and unfortunately Mike was really good!  
The Adagio was a rich but introverted musing on an almost hymn-like subject.  
Mike realized the rich passagen-werk and the quick figurations masterfully.

Harvey could not avoid to be drawn into the music although he had sworn himself to sit this through as stoically as possible. The beautiful sound conjured the thoughts of what had happened in the library back up in Harvey's mind. Like the irresistible melody of the serpent charmer lured the snake from its basket Mike's deep vibrato brought his words back into Harvey's mind:

_"You know what I am going to say. I love you. What other men may mean when they use that expression, I cannot tell; what I mean is, that I am under the influence of some tremendous attraction which I have resisted in vain, and which overmasters me. You could draw me to fire, you could draw me to water, you could draw me to the gallows, you could draw me to any death, you could draw me to anything I have most avoided, you could draw me to any exposure and disgrace. This and the confusion of my thoughts, so that I am fit for nothing, is what I mean by your being the ruin of me."_

It felt as if Mike was speaking those words again, like they were back there in the dark library and Mike was standing near him, looking at him with his blue eyes filled with… no, Harvey could not even _think_ it! His heart was pounding in his chest the same way it had been back then. It cost him almost every ounce of self-control to keep his face blank while his eyes were unconsciously drawn to Mike. Without allowing his eyes to look Harvey found that he was staring at Mike who was holding his Bass between his open thighs and whose fingers were running over the strings while he wielded his bow with closed eyes and played every note with so much feeling and passion it touched Harvey at his very core. Mike looked astonishingly absorbed in his music.  
And then, unexpectedly, he opened his eyes and looked at him. Mike's deep blue eyes overflowing with feelings reached out to him and did not let go. Harvey felt so forcefully drawn to him, felt so overwhelmed by the wish to be near him, to make contact that his heart hurt with longing and it took his breath away and it scared him to death.  
He broke the eye contact and in the same breath he knew what he had to do. He had to end this madness and he would.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter ready for you. It's a short one but I have the best intentions to give you the next chapter soon!

It was Monday evening after Thanksgiving. The students had returned the day before and the first day after the holiday everything had gone back to school routine seamlessly. Mike was sitting at his secretary desk, trying to concentrate on the papers that he wanted to grade but he was not able to think straight. He had spent the last three days as far away from Woodlands as possible. He had passed hours on horseback and on the beach, even alone in a pub just to get out of those walls, to get away from Harvey. Back here in his room, back at his desk Mike felt like he would go insane if he didn't find a way to slow down his thoughts and to stop his heart from racing perpetually. He had not eaten in days because his guts refused to unclench even for a few minutes. It did not help that he kept playing multiple scenarios of what he might possibly do in his mind. All of them with the same outcome... delusional! Now he was sitting here, staring at the same piece of paper he had begun grading hours ago. The letters refused to make sense, they even refused to form words most of the tome and instead drifted around in a blurry, foggy dance in front of his eyes. Mike had no idea how long he had been brooding like this until finally something happened. Only ten minutes before curfew someone knocked on Mike's door. Matthew, one of the younger boys, came into his room and told him that the headmaster wanted to see him right now in his study. Then Matthew was gone. 

Mike tried to steady his breath for a few moments. This was not good, he could feel it, as much as he had wished for something to happen now he dreaded what it might be. He didn't have much time. The message had been clear: Harvey awaited him but if this was the way to his shambles he wanted to look good, to make it leastwise very hard for the other man to kill him without a second thought. Mike was still dressed in his suit. He just quickly changed the white shirt for one he did not wear very often although he really liked it because it was a very good one and it had a light blue color which he knew exactly made the color of his eyes shine even brighter. He put the dark vest back on but he did not adorn the jacket or the tie. He left the first button of his shirt unbuttoned and straightened his hair. When Harvey called him that late he had to live with the absent tie and jacket.  
Mike hurried to Harvey's room. For the second time he climbed the stairs to the inner sanctum and he had the very bad feeling it could be his last.

With trembling hands and shaking knees Mike knocked. In his current state of mind even his knocking sounded anxious. Harvey’s voice cut through the wooden barrier, a curt order: “Come in.”  
One last deep breath and Mike pushed down the golden door handle. The private study was very tastefully furnished just like he had expected it after having seen Harvey's living room. It was the room right in the front of the building and its windows looked down upon the big fountain in the middle of the driveway. The doors to the balcony were wide open and fresh night air flooded the room.   
Like in the other room one wall was filled with books and a filigree polished cherry wood desk was placed in front of the book shelves. There was another open fireplace, smaller than the one in the living room. A dark blue chaise lounge and two fitting ottomans were grouped around a small round table in front of it .The fire was burning low. Harvey was sitting behind his desk. His suit was impeccable and he wore one of his very high collars which made him look even more impressive.

Mike entered and took a few tentative steps into the room before he froze and just stood there, taking in the picture of the man who played the leading part in all of his wildest fantasies, and waited to be addressed. Harvey did not tell him to sit down but let Mike stand there in front of his desk while he painstakingly sealed a letter he presumably had just written. Mike fought back the urge to drag his sweaty hands over the fabric of his trousers, trying to steel himself for the moment Harvey would address him.  
Then Harvey finally put the seal aside, leaned back in his chair and looked at Mike unfazed. Steepling his fingers under his chin, he stated without further introduction: “Mr. Ross, I want you to leave my school by the end of the week. Pack your belongings and go back to Harvard. I will recommend you for a job there where your talent will be put to much better use."

Mike had seen it coming, he just had not known when and how. There had only been two possibilities. The one out of his fantasies and the more likely one: Harvey getting rid of him like he was doing now. Surprisingly Mike suddenly felt calmer than he had since Harvey had thrown him out of the library. The insecurity had driven him crazy, now at least something was happening, at least he had a chance to act somehow, even if it would be the last time he saw Harvey ever again. He stood there, rooted to the spot, looking straight at Harvey, who met his eyes steadfast, and answered as calm and steady as he could possibly manage:   
“If you really want this, Harvey…" It did not matter now if he used Harvey's first name. This was his last chance and the odds were more than long.   
"If you want me to leave I will leave and since you send me away and we will never see each other again I think I can ask you one last question.”

Mike saw that Harvey would prefer to not talk to him but the way Mike had asked he could not easily say no.  
Instead he just said nothing but looked at Mike questioningly, awaiting his words. Mike put his hands flat on the desk and leaned down to meet Harvey's eyes: "Why are you so afraid of what happened that you need to throw me out?"  
Harvey shot him sharp glare and rose from his chair to get away from Mike. He walked over to the open window and did not meet Mike's eyes again, his voice went cold and emotionless: "I am not scared and I don't want to discuss my decisions, I do not have to justify myself, not in front of you, Mr. Ross."   
So at least he had managed to drag out another sentence, but right after that Harvey was about to slip away from the conversation again.   
His back adamantly turned towards Mike he stared outside the window and retreated into stony silence. He tried to brush Mike off. Just like that. Mike was not ready to be dismissed by Harvey's silence nor was he willing to give up just like that, so he stepped closer again, only a few short steps, before he went on:  
"You do realize that you are punishing yourself for something you are completely innocent of. You let him win in the end. You give him all the power over you, all the power you thought you had regained.”  
Harvey tensed visibly. Anyhow he had hit a spot but he had only caused more anger. Harvey glared at him and his voice was wavered menacingly:  
"How dare you talk to me like that?"  
Mike raised his voice slightly and spoke more forceful now. His eyes begging Harvey to listen and at least consider what he had to say:

"Harvey, he beat the shit out of you when he was drunk, he hurt and humiliated you and he broke the kid you were back then. You did the best you could to pick up the pieces and put yourself back together. You may have found your safe haven here but you also made your own invisible prison. He still has the ultimate power over you because you do not allow yourself any happiness. Don`t you see that? I know it is very likely impossible for you to push your boundaries far enough to admit what you feel, but you should try to admit that you cannot live like that. You are a human being like all of us and you deserve somebody with you, like we all do."

That was it. That was all he got, all he could think of to rattle on the cage this man had put himself into. 

Harvey had turned away again stared down into the dark garden the only sound was the bickering of the fountain beneath them.  
Mike did not dare to move. Nothing happened, Harvey did not talk to him again and Mike finally decided he would not get an answer and turned around to leave. His heart sat in his chest like an anvil. There was nothing he could do or say anymore.

Harvey`s breathless voice stopped him.   
"Do you have any idea what you are talking about? It is insane."

Mike figured that apparently Harvey was not fully ready to let him go, so he would try it one last time, he had gone that far tonight he might as well go another step further and burn the very last bridge. Mike let out a shaking breath before he turned around and answered:  
“Yes, Harvey I know what I am talking about but the problem is, whatever the consequences are it does not stop my heart from jumping in my chest when I see you and it does not stop my breath being taken away when you talk to me and nothing can keep my thoughts from constantly revolving around you. This is not about reason or rules or what may be appropriate...this is about my heart."

Mike stepped closer. For the first time he dared to invade Harvey’s personal space his chest almost touched the other man's back now. He could feel the tension in Harvey's body, could see his shoulders tremble and hear his breath was going heavy.   
Mike was so close now, but he did not touch him. As much as he wished he could, as much as the faint scent of Harvey`s skin intoxicated him, he was convinced a touch would be destructive. A whisper was enough to cross the small distance between them: "If you want me to leave I will be gone as soon as possible but I can think about nothing else but you and I am still here and I am willing to do whatever you need. Anything." 

Harvey's eyes where closed he listened breathless, paralyzed by what was just happening. He could not handle how his body reacted to the proximity of the other man. The skin on his back tingled and he was almost irresistibly drawn to the warm figure that stood so close behind him. Every nerve in his body seemed to beg for contact. While his voice of reason screamed hysterically that this was delirious! It was wrong and it was stupid and dangerous. The whole thing held so many threats it was almost ridiculous. He could lose everything. His whole life, if anyone ever found out… No! If anyone ever only _suspected_ something the school would probably bring him to court on mere surmise. It was illegal and forbidden and not to mention it was a sin. They all went to mass every Sunday and catechism was planted deeply in his brain.   
_“Thou shalt not…”_ echoed in his mind and he did not even dare to end the thought.  
Mike's words held the power to wipe away all of that. Harvey could feel the possibility of losing all his restrains, it already gnawed at the brim of his consciousness.   
And then he could feel Mike's lips on the curve of his neck. Mike was barely touching him but the warmth on his skin sent a jolt through his body all the way down to his feet and he panicked. He panicked from the way his body betrayed him and his hands trembled and his heart raced, he panicked and broke away and shouted: "Go away! Pack your stuff and leave this house!"  
They stared at each other for seconds Harvey could see Mike's wide blue eyes fill with agony and sadness. Then he turned around and left.

The door closed behind Mike and Harvey lost it completely. He suddenly felt like he could not breathe anymore. He threw his jacket on the chaise lounge and nestled at his tie, loosened it forcefully and threw it right upon his jacket. He leaned against the mantel of his fireplace and buried his face in his hands desperately trying to get a grip on himself again.   
What was he doing? How could this happen to him? How could he ever have allowed this to go that far? How was it possible that some 21 year old made him an emotional mess, made him crave for his touch, made a fool of him?  
How dared Mike Ross to refuse being like all the others, leaving him alone and accepting that it was best to not cross his path? He stayed like this for minutes just trying to fill his lunges with air. His heart rate calmed down a little but his thoughts still raced.   
He tried to find an explanation why he had opened up to Mike in the first place. He tried for the hundredth time. Why did he tell him of all people about his life?   
Because it had just felt right, it had felt natural just like Harvey somehow wanted Mike to know. He had recognized before that his thoughts went back to Mike more often than he was used to and he had recognized that he had actively initiated a meeting but he had just refused to think about the reasons. He had completely ignored the way Mike`s presence made him feel, because he knew he could not deal with it. Harvey could still feel Mike`s lips on his neck and he shivered again when he remembered how close Mike had been and all he had been able to think of had been that he wanted _more_.   
Suddenly his room felt too small and Harvey stepped on the balcony into the cool night air, hands running shakily through his hair. He had ended it, he had had enough self-restrain to end it. Mike would be gone soon and he could go back to the way it was before. He could just pretend that nobody ever churned up his feelings like that.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! It makes me very happy to hear you like it.
> 
> Time to say it again: [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) you are the best!

Mike stumbled back to his room. Tears were filling his eyes and he sure as hell did not want anybody to see him like that. He had staked everything on one card and he had lost. Now he would have to deal with the consequences. Back in his room he just stood there, leaning heavily against the cool wooden surface of the door, stupefied, unable to move.  
Having been so close to the man he had had inappropriate dreams of for weeks now had been overwhelming.  
He had really thought there would be a tiny chance to get to him, to break through to him. Mike knew there had been a little crack, a few seconds when Harvey's feelings had clamored under the tight lid he was keeping them under and they had almost taken over, but the door had quickly closed again in front of Mike's eyes.  
How was it possible to feel the loss of something he had never even had so painfully? How could he feel like something essential had been taken from him if nothing had actually ever happened? It would probably be best to start packing, to get away as soon as possible but Mike could not bring himself to do anything. He paced restlessly through his room, torn between anger about what he had done and debilitating sadness that he could do no more. Mike could not breathe and he opened one of his windows, feebly sinking down onto the broad windowsill, and just stared into the darkness. He had never felt so hopeless before.  
Mike did not know how much time had passed since Harvey had thrown him out but suddenly he was aware of another presence in his room.

He turned around slowly and saw Harvey standing there in the faint orange light of the little lamp on Mike's table, the doorknob still in his hand. He was wearing only his white shirt, the top two buttons unbuttoned, and his suit pants, his hair ruffled and his face indecisive, never letting go of the doorknob.  
Mike stared at Harvey in disbelief. Was he hallucinating? An eerie silence lingered between them and Mike´s own breathing seemed awfully loud in his own ears. He did not dare to move a finger. Harvey finally let the door fall shut and almost whispered:  
"I don't know what I am doing here."  
Mike moved slowly, as if he was afraid Harvey would flee if he scared him away. With shaky knees he took a few steps towards Harvey, unsure how to act. He did not want to do something wrong again and so stopped in the middle of his room.  
"I did not want to upset you, Harvey, I am sorry...."  
Now it was Harvey who came closer, running one hand through his hair. Mike had never seen him doing that before.  
"You have scared the shit out of me ever since the first time I saw you sitting in the library."  
Mike's eyes widened with surprise. Harvey kept on talking, the waver in his voice unmistakable:  
"I had seen you long before you offered me a cup of tea, Mike. You were reading with your eyes flying over the pages and I could see you were special. And then I saw you with Blake and I thought my heart would just stand still right there and I knew something about you was different. Something about you captured me."  
Mike smiled carefully, still a little helpless and unsure where this was going, but he was willing to go wherever Harvey wanted to go with it so he moved deliberately now. This time he would not do anything that threatened to dissipate the miracle that Harvey had appeared in his room.  
It was hard to speak against the heavy lump in his throat and he heard his voice stumble: "Harvey, what do you want?"  
Harvey took another step closer and he panted out the words that were clawing their way up his throat, unstoppable and yet unspeakable: "I don't want you to leave...”  
Mike closed the gap between them even more, almost surprised that Harvey did not draw back. Harvey's silent agreement fueled Mike’s courage just enough to reach for the other man's face and gently cupped Harvey’s cheek. Harvey closed his eyes under the touch, inhaling deeply.  
Mike's touch sent another shiver through his body and made him lean into it almost automatically. When Harvey opened his eyes again he met two deep blue pools of affection which inevitably drew him in like so many times before – but then he had always fought it, fought it with teeth and claws.  
Gently and very slowly, Mike brushed his thumb over Harvey's lips, still disbelieving that he was allowed to do so, and so very carefully as if Harvey could just crumble under his touch.  
When Mike cautiously leaned in, Harvey's heart beat in his throat. He craved for the touch of Mike's lips and yet he could not believe this was happening. His heart felt like it would break through his rib-cage.  
Mike's lips gently touched his cheek, waiting to see if Harvey would step away, but he didn't. Another gentle kiss on the corner of Harvey's mouth, and he paused again, but Harvey did not break the contact. This time Harvey slightly turned his head to meet Mike’s touch. His inner conflict was almost palpable. Mike's lips barely touched his but the small contact sent a shiver of arousal through his body, followed by a new wave of guilt and shame.  
This was so much against everything he had ever believed in, against everything he stood for, inappropriate in so many ways. Nevertheless he was unable to fight the pull his body felt any longer.  
He allowed Mike to kiss his lips once more. It lasted a little longer this time and it felt good, soft and warm and tempting. Harvey wanted to feel it again and this time he closed the tiny gap between them and their lips touched fully. He could feel the tip of Mike's tongue on his lips, still so very careful and tender, and again it sent a frisson through Harvey's body and tightened his throat with embarrassment. Mike's teasing tongue made everything suddenly seem even more real and he knew in only a few more moments there would be no turning back.  
He did not even know what to do! He had so little experience with women and he had never even thought about men!  
One more soft lick of Mike's tongue and Harvey parted his lips without conscious decision and let Mike in. When their tongues touched the sensation elicited a low moan from his throat. How was it even possible that Mike could feel and taste so wonderful?  
His knees threatened to give in. No longer able to hold his body upright under the siege of emotions Mike’s kiss had unleashed, he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. Mike explored his mouth slowly and gently, giving Harvey all the time in the world to adjust, and Harvey just let it happen, trying to fathom how this could be the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted. Mike's hand left his cheek and wandered to the nape of his neck, the other one rested flat against Harvey's chest.  
Mike’s hand on his chest sent out waves and waves of heat even through the fabric of his shirt. Mike's tongue got a little more demanding and Harvey's thoughts ebbed. Completely helpless, he gave in to the feeling and deepened the kiss, starting to participate and to claim Mike's mouth likewise. He wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist and Mike just melted into him and moaned softly into their kiss.  
The small sound of Mike's moan filled Harvey with desire and he could feel how his blood unstoppably rushed south. Mike pressed his body against Harvey’s and let him feel his erection against his own hardening member.  
Once more reality took over and pulled him out of his bliss and he gently broke their kiss for a moment. His voice was hoarse and he could manage nothing more than a soft murmur: “Mike, I don't even know how to do this... I…”  
Mike gave him a glowing smile, one hand still wrapped around Harvey’s nape:  
"Me neither but I am sure we will find out."  
Mike’s eyes sparkled as he leaned in and kissed him again.  
Harvey inevitably held his breath when Mike started to unbutton his shirt and warm exploring hands touched his chest and stomach and pushed the shirt over Harvey's shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.  
Now that Harvey was shirtless Mike was able to see the scars Harvey had hidden from him. Mike followed one white line with his fingers from Harvey's right collarbone down to the left side of his rib cage.  
Mike whispered breathlessly: "I hate him so much for what he did to you."  
Harvey took Mike’s face into both of his hands, his heart suddenly overflowing with feelings for this unbelievable soul someone had dropped on his doorstep.  
"He is not even worth your hate."  
Mike lowered his head and started kissing along the scar.  
Harvey hissed softly when Mike's lips and the tip of his tongue touched his damaged skin. Not many people had ever seen his scars and he had never allowed anyone to touch them. 

Mike did not stop and kissed and licked his way back up Harvey's throat and made him shiver under his touch while his hands caressed Harvey's muscular stomach, sending waves of heat through Harvey's body. This time their lips met again for a deep, passionate kiss.  
Harvey opened Mike's shirt with trembling fingers. He wanted to feel Mike's skin on his skin, he wanted contact and he tucked the shirt free from Mike's trousers and let it fall to the floor next to his own. Giving in to this want, undressing another man and, most disturbingly, feeling Mike hard in his pants, pressed against his own undeniable erection continued to scare him in more than one way.  
Harvey was still fighting the part of his being that excoriated what he was doing, that felt mortified for what he was feeling.  
Mike seemed to notice the slight hesitation. He broke free from their kiss and looked at Harvey, open and honest, his voice warm and understanding: "Please tell me if you're not ready for this… we don't have to do this now... please, Harvey, just tell me what you want."  
Harvey gently shook his head and answered raspily.  
“No, don’t stop, Mike. I do want this… It’s just so much to take in right now. The only thing I am really good at is keeping people away and this is so far from everything I could ever have imagined … I…”  
Harvey let out a shaky breath and rested his forehead against Mike’s who gently laid his palms on Harvey’s hips and whispered: “I've fallen so hard for you… I’d wait as long as it takes. I'd do anything... anything..."  
Harvey’s chest tightened when he heard that. He suddenly was overwhelmed with feelings he was not used to deal with and he could not even name all of them at the same time. “No… don’t...” The rest of his words was taken away by Mike’s lips on his and Harvey's mind finally went blank. 

The fact that this was really happening right now made Mike's head spin. It took his breath away and left him trembling with the effort to hold back, to go slow. He knew it was the only way this could work tonight.  
Without breaking their kiss Mike lead Harvey the few steps to his bed and gently pushed him down. Harvey followed his lead and sat down on the bed. Mike placed one knee between Harvey's thighs, immediately finding Harvey's lips again, and lowered both of them back onto the mattress so he could kneel over Harvey on all fours. Mike wanted to do this slowly and carefully. He could still feel the restrains the other man had. He clearly perceived the little hesitations and insecurities Harvey was keeping down despite his words that he wanted this. Mike knew what it must mean for him to be here in his room, half naked on the bed, and he could imagine that despite his arousal Harvey was flooded with thoughts and fears and worries. He wanted him to lose himself in the moment and fall apart.  
His lips left Harvey’s and kissed down Harvey's throat, nibbling and licking the warm skin that smelled so intoxicating from his cologne. It was orange, lemon, jasmine, and lavender and … _Harvey_.

When his tongue elicited small, huffed moans from the man underneath him Mike went on to Harvey’s collar bone and strenuous shoulders. His hands travelled down Harvey’s sides. When Mike’s mouth had reached the strong chest he licked over one of the nipples. Another moan rewarded him. Harvey's reactions fueled Mike's eagerness to go on so he found his way to the other side, this time he gently bit down on the tender bud and heard Harvey hiss. Mike stayed there for a while, licking and biting the now hardened pink flesh.  
Mike was new to this too but he refused to think about it. He just wanted to make Harvey moan and pant, just wanted to finally see him lose his self-control.  
His hands explored the toned muscles on Harvey's stomach and reached lower to cup the bulge in Harvey's crotch. A low groan escaped Harvey's throat and Mike increased the intensity of his touch, followed the lines of Harvey's hard cock through the fabric and took him into a searing kiss. This time Harvey reached for him, pulled Mike down and lined their bodies up, pressing their groins together and bucking his hips to meet Mike. Both moaned into their kiss when their erections touched. Even through the clothes it was almost too much for Mike to stay focused. Mike reached for Harvey's waistband and pushed it down enough to be able to reach the curves of his hipbones. He followed their line with his thumbs back and forth until Harvey arched his back and Mike found no more hesitation when he let his hand slide all the way in and took Harvey's leaking cock into his hand. Harvey moaned loudly when Mike touched him and he bucked his hips even more to meet Mike's hand. He was doing this! He was making Harvey writhe and moan and buck his hips in pleasure. Mike wanted more of that, it drove him crazy with desire. Harvey rocking into his fist, his eyes now even darker than they usually were, moaning deep in his throat, hot and wanting under Mike’s hands made his cock twitch with arousal. Mike was rock hard since Harvey’s lips had touched his. The sight of Harvey Specter panting on his bed, lips swollen from his kisses and cheeks flushed, was so overwhelmingly hot Mike trembled against his own need, determined to concentrate on Harvey.  
For once he had to break contact to push down Harvey's trousers and his briefs only to sink back on top of the other man and kiss his mouth before biting down the side of Harvey’s throat, who was arching his back to get more friction.  
When Harvey's hand reached for Mike's trousers and impatiently worked the fabric down to Mike's knees he hastily wiggled out of the last shred of cloth between them.  
Mike knew he could not prolong this very much longer, their dicks touching now without any barrier between them was almost too much to bear.  
Mike got on his knees and pulled Harvey up with him into a sitting position so he could easily reach between them and take Harvey's cock in his hand. He thumbed over Harvey's sensitive slit, creating an involuntary spasm: "Oh god, Mike,... "  
Mike just pulled him closer claimed his lips for a bruising kiss and spread the pre-come over the tip of Harvey's dick. Harvey was panting shamelessly now, bucking his hips hard to get more, and finally Harvey reached out and took Mike's neglected cock into his hand. Mike was lost. He could already feel his orgasm approaching fast and started pumping Harvey harder, stroking him firmly and twisting his wrist with every down move. He knew he would only last a few more strokes of Harvey's strong hand before he came and he could feel Harvey was close, too.  
Mike breathed into his lover's ear: "Come for me, Harvey, let go... I want you to come for me. I want to see you..."  
And with one last twist of his wrist Harvey went rigid before he came between them, groaning and trembling, spilling over Mike's hand and thighs, Mike’s name falling from his lips and his forehead pressed to Mike’s shoulder, his fingers bruising Mike's upper arm digging into his skin.  
Seeing Harvey fall apart and feeling his hot come in his hand made Mike follow him only seconds after. His orgasm pulsed through him and made it almost impossible to coordinate his hand that was still stroking Harvey’s dick. His release spilled all over Harvey's stomach, who quickly pulled him into a new hungry kiss to muffle the dirty moans escaping their lips.  
Still kissing they collapsed back onto the bed, entangled in each other, until they had to break apart and gasp for air. Nonetheless Mike claimed Harvey’s mouth again and they kissed, kissed until their hearts beat even again, kissed through the breathlessness until they had calmed down and the afterglow slowly subsided.  
Harvey could not even remember the last time he had been so close to another human being. Not only naked and warm, intertwined with one another, but feeling safe and sound and completely relaxed and just where he wanted to be. Yes, he wanted to be here and he wanted to feel and have this forever. 

When Mike's heart rate had gotten more even again, heavy sleepiness began to invade his bones. The sleepless nights and worries and the tension he had been feeling all the time finally caught up with him but before he fell into unconsciousness he absolutely had to clean them up. The cool stickiness was beginning to get uncomfortable. He dragged himself away from Harvey and out of the bed to clean himself in the bathroom before he got a damp cloth for Harvey and went back to the bed. 

Mike freeing his skin from their come was surely the most intimate gesture someone had ever performed on him, even considering what they had just done. Harvey felt almost shy watching Mike smiling at him and cleaning his stomach and dick and thighs. Then Mike got rid of the washcloth and just snuck to his side of the bed, pulling the blanket over them. Harvey could see Mike was nearly asleep the second his head touched the pillow and without further thought he took Mike in his arms and welcomed the warmth of his body.

For the first time in years a deep and relaxed sleep took him away.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sry I made you guys wait but now I finally have a new chapter for you. Thanks again for all your nice comments they make me very happy.

"Harvey, Harvey! Wake up!"  
A soft but insistent voice seeped slowly into Harvey's consciousness. The sleepy fogginess lifted only very slowly and there it was again, urging him softly: "Harvey, you have to wake up!" A soft female voice... Shit! Awareness flooded his mind, everything came back to him and he forced his eyes open. The first thing he saw was Mike on the pillow next to him, also trying to open his eyes.  
"Morning, you two."  
It was Donna.   
Donna?  
Shit. 

Harvey seemed to be receptive enough now so she explained quickly: "Boys, I am really, really sorry but Harvey has to get out of here! In twenty minutes the hallways will be swarming with people and then you'd better be in your room, putting a suit on for breakfast till then." She gave them a bright happy smile now that both man where awake and looked at her in confusion, still sleepy and ruffled. "Congratulations, you two! I have to go, see you later!"  
And with that, she was gone. 

Harvey realized quickly that Donna was right. He had to get out of Mike's room, otherwise he would have to wait in here until everybody had left the floor for breakfast and that would mean he'd be far too late and he was never late.  
Mike had sunk back into his pillow, his hair fuzzy and his eyes still small and sleepy.  
"She's right, Harvey. You should hurry."  
Harvey turned to get out of Mike's bed, one foot already on the floor, when Mike pulled him back once more, slinging his arms around Harvey's neck, and kissed him languidly before he let go, blue eyes beaming with mischief.   
"See you at breakfast."   
“Hmmm”, was all Harvey could manage before he hastily gathered his belongings and put his shirt and trousers back on to slip out of the room and sneak upstairs where he hurried to step into the shower and get ready for the day.  
Back in the seclusion of his own four walls Harvey felt mortified. He was not even fully able to admit to himself what had happened yesterday and Donna waking them up to save him from exposure had made Harvey feel ashamed to the roots of his hair.  
He dressed very carefully, and with every piece of clothing Harvey put on he felt a little more armored. His fingers worked almost on their own buttoning up his shirt to the last stud and tying the knot of his necktie meticulously. The dark grey vest closed around his chest and he straightened it with sharp short movements. With every button he closed he tried to push the pictures of last night further away, tried to push back Mike’s whispered words that were still resounding in his ears. Finally he put his waistcoat on and closed the last layer of sentries around his body before he looked at his image in the mirror one last time. He looked like every day, sharply dressed and predominant. At least nobody would see that he felt like he was no longer master of the situation. 

Harvey somehow survived breakfast, painstakingly avoiding to look at Mike because he had the unrealistic fear everyone could see his indecency in his face if he did, and rushed to the safety of his office afterwards. He needed time to think, to sort out his thoughts which he soon had to admit was illusionary. There was no way to sort thought the chaos, there was no way to clear this in his head. Harvey brooded in the chair behind his desk and stared out of the window, not really looking at anything in particular, following his train of thoughts, which seemed to be leading absolutely nowhere. 

Mike was occupied with his classes the entire forenoon. Harvey had been awfully quiet in the morning and of course he had noticed Harvey's refusal to look at him but he tried to worry not too much. He knew Harvey most likely needed time to process everything and he could only hope that he would not falter. The fact that he was in front of his students all the time also helped him to keep it together and at least keep his thoughts busy with something that was not last night. For his part Mike had to restrain himself from grinning the whole day long. Because that was how he felt and every time he thought about Harvey his lips curled upwards on their own volition. 

Half an hour before lunch Harvey was still sitting in his office, brooding when the connecting door opened and Donna entered the room.  
Without waiting for Harvey to invite her in she took the chair in front of his desk, a little frown on her forehead: "Harvey, would you please talk to me? You've been sitting here just pondering for hours."  
Harvey knew he could not avoid Donna for ever so he might just face her right now. Donna recognized right away that Harvey was barely able to look at her.   
"Donna... I... I don't know what to say... Thank you for this morning... I guess...I..."  
Donna cocked her head at Harvey's stutter, something she had never seen on him.   
"Harvey, what is going on with you? Do you honestly think I would think any lower of you because you slept with Mike? Listen to me. I am only going to explain it to you once. Whoever on god's green earth managed to do this…" She made a circulating gesture with her index finger in front of Harvey's face before she went on. "It is totally fine with me. I don't care who worked this miracle. I'm just happy for you. Are we clear, Mr. Specter?"  
He abruptly became very aware that he had been smiling a lot today, even if he had been alone.   
A grin grew back on Harvey's face and he nodded.  
"Whatever you do – I am okay with it and if you need anything, tell me. It was about damn time that you found someone and it is a miracle, to say the least, that someone even found you here in the deep, deep hole you dug yourself," Donna finished and rose from her chair again. "Let's go to lunch and this time you might consider looking at Mike at least once. Poor boy looked quite insecure this morning.”

Impatiently, Mike waited until the house had gotten quiet in the evening so he could sneak upstairs to see Harvey. They hadn't had a chance to talk all day and he was dying to get his hands on him. His stomach could not decide between anticipating fluttering and a tight feeling of insecurity. Was Harvey still into this? Maybe the day had given him time to think about it and maybe he had decided that he did not want this… them.   
What if the next thing Harvey was going to tell him was that it had been a mistake, that he had gotten lost in the moment and did not want to see Mike again?   
It would kill him because now he was addicted. He was addicted to Harvey's lips and tongue and the way his skin felt and smelled and his muscular trim body on top of his. Mike's mind was inevitably flooded with images of the previous night and he could already feel the heat pooling low in his stomach. Forcefully Mike tried to shake it off, as long as he was not sure what would happen next getting ahead of himself was not the best idea. Mike checked the hallway first and since nobody was around he quickly climbed the stairs to Harvey's rooms, taking two steps at once. 

Mike tried the living room first and knocked gingerly, the sound still too loud in his ears in the dark silent hallway of Harvey's refuge.  
He did not wait for an answer, though. Mike feared Harvey would just pretend not to be there and he was past chasing him now.  
If Harvey had planned on hiding or was surprised about Mike's rudeness of entering unsolicited he did not show it. Mike’s chest tightened in admiration, the picture that unfolded in front of his eyes took his breath away.  
The enormous fireplace was burning high and Harvey sat lengthwise on one of his couches, leaning back against the armrest, one arm was resting on the soft leather backrest, the other held a glass of scotch. The amber liquid seemed to glow slightly golden from the crackling fire behind it. Two buttons of his shirt were open and he was barefoot in black slacks. Mike realized he was staring at Harvey for what seemed like an eternity and it did not help that Harvey was staring back at him, slowly raising the glass to his lips and sipping on his drink. Mike swallowed hard against the lump in his throat before he was able to form words, albeit not very eloquent ones:  
“I haven’t seen you all day.”   
Harvey did not answer. He set the glass aside and rose from the sofa. In one swift movement he crossed the room, stopping right in front of Mike. He gently but determinedly reached for Mike's jaw to pull him into a kiss, immediately demanding entrance.  
Mike moaned softly and just melted into the kiss, relieved and happy and instantly bursting into flames under Harvey's caresses and this time steady and sure touch.  
Harvey left Mike’s mouth and with a gravelly dark voice that sent shivers down Mike's spine he told him: “I've missed you.”  
And Mike was done, he was completely devoid of words, weak in the knees, smitten and he just reached out and pulled Harvey in again, licking deep into his mouth and emitting small sounds of pleasure when the kiss became more demanding and filthy.   
This time Harvey was clearly more confident. He loosened Mike's necktie with practiced hands and smoothly opened the buttons of his vest and shirt. Harvey’s hand slipped under the open dress shirt and held tight onto Mike’s waist pulling him close, eager hands stroking up and down his back. 

Mike felt almost boneless. Harvey's hands where warm and strong and demanding on his skin, sending shivers through his body and causing him to burn up with desire.   
Harvey’s palms wandered down his back and to Mike's stomach and up over his chest, around his shoulders and they finally made the shirt and vest fall from Mike's body down to the floor.   
Mike eventually snapped out of his bliss of being touched by Harvey and frantically pulled Harvey’s shirt out of his trousers to bring his hands into contact with Harvey's skin. His skin was so warm and smooth and it smelled oh so wonderful – it was intoxicating and Mike was more than willing to give in to the addiction.   
Harvey let go of Mike's mouth brushing his lips along Mike's ear and down his throat. Mike shivered under Harvey's caress but he had not completely forgotten how uncertain he had felt only minutes ago: "I was afraid you had changed your mind”, he whispered.  
Mike's statement made Harvey stop and seek eye contact again. His hands fell down to Mike's wrists, holding them when he answered:  
"I won't lie to you, Mike. I am still scared to death because of so many things referring to what is happening here - but you were right when you told me I am hiding here and that I forbade myself any happiness and that I have spent so much time forcing myself to feel nothing…"  
Mike lifted his hands bringing one of Harvey's palms to his cheek and kissed the pale skin on the inside of his hands. Harvey inhaled audibly and closed his eyes but he went on: "You make it impossible for me to feel nothing and I am helplessly drawn to you... it is irresistible.” His mouth was on Mike's again, devouring him in a bruising kiss. Harvey's fingers hooked into Mike's waistband and pulled him close again. Both men moaned when their cocks touched through the fabric.  
Arousal flushed through Mike's body. The perception that he could make Harvey Specter make sounds like that overwhelmed him with lust and he wanted to hear more. Impatiently he grabbed Harvey's hand and led him back to the sofa to make him sit down so that Mike was able to climb into Harvey's lap. Harvey's strong arms wrapped around him, kissing him again, cupping his butt and pressing their groins together. Mike followed the invitation and rolled his hips, creating sweet friction that made Harvey moan deeply, digging his fingers into Mike's cheeks and again Harvey’s sounds of pleasure sent a frisson through him. 

Acting purely on instinct Mike slid down to the floor between Harvey's legs and started to pull Harvey’s trousers down, kissing along the line of the waistband and down the curve where Harvey's thighs met the torso until Harvey lifted his hips enough for Mike to pull the fabric all the way down over Harvey's knees, revealing his achingly hard cock lying flat against Harvey’s stomach, pre-come glistening on the tip.   
Mike internally swelled with pride when he took in Harvey's wide eyed look as he realized what was about to happen. There was a mixture of disbelief and excitement, his pupils where dilated and Mike loved to see his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths.   
The sharp hiss that escaped Harvey’s lips and the way his body tensed when Mike’s tongue licked teasingly over the length of Harvey’s rock hard erection encouraged Mike beyond any doubts he might have had about his performance would he allow himself to think about it.   
Considering that he had never done this before it helped him not to think too much about what he was doing and just let his tongue work over the tip of Harvey's cock and let him slide deep into his mouth.  
Harvey moaned loudly and clenched his fists forcefully around the edge of the sofa. That was when Mike just switched off his head and let his mouth explore the completely new feeling of Harvey on his tongue.   
Harvey groaned and panted under Mike’s growingly adventurous mouth. He tried to buck his hips in pleasure, wordlessly pleading for more, but Mike held him down by his hipbones, avoiding to be surprised by Harvey’s moves. He needed to be the one in control of this for his first time.   
Mike stopped for a few seconds, raising his gaze to Harvey’s flushed face, his eyes squeezed shut. He was still in awe that he had Harvey Specter right in front of him, naked and hard for him, moaning under his touch.   
“Look at me Harvey," Mike demanded with a low and raspy voice before he took him back into his mouth. Harvey obeyed and locked his dark, dark heavy-lidded eyes with Mike's and Mike knew he wanted to push Harvey over the cliff right now.   
Mike tightened his lips even more around Harvey’s cock and swallowed him whole.  
The response came instantaneously. Harvey let his head fall back and frantically buried his hands in Mike's hair.  
As he continued to let his mouth explore his lover he debauched in all the dirty sounds he was drawing from Harvey and that made his own cock twitch.   
Mike could feel Harvey was close, and in the same moment Harvey tried to warn him: “Oh god, Mike, I … I’m..," But Mike did not care. He devotedly sucked a little harder, taking Harvey all the way down his throat, and Harvey’s words where taken away as his hands tightened in his hair, his hips stuttered and with a sharp cry he came forcefully into Mike’s mouth.  
Mike felt ridiculously proud and swallowed around Harvey who quivered, completely boneless and undone in front of him.   
Mike crawled back up into Harvey's lap. He was achingly hard by now, his cock leaking in his pants. Thankfully Harvey seemed to be very perceptive about how worked up Mike already was and quickly lowered him back down on the couch, freeing him of his pants, and his hand found Mike's throbbing erections while Mike pulled Harvey down to kiss him, the taste of his own come on his tongue. Mike was already too far gone to last long. He was whimpering needily, bucking his hips into every one of Harvey’s firm strokes. His cry was muffled by Harvey's kiss as he came, spilling his come into Harvey’s fist and over his own stomach.  
Harvey stroked him through his orgasm and held on to him even as Mike's cock softened, twitching in Harvey’s hand until Mike was able to breathe steadily again.  
"I need a shower" Mike stated. "Want to join me?"   
Harvey lifted his head from Mike's chest where it was resting and smiled. It was a warm fond smile that made Harvey's face brighten and crinkled his eyes and it made Mike's heart jump in his chest because this man was just so damn gorgeous and he had him right here all to himself.  
"What?" Harvey tipped his head and looked questioningly. Mike shrugged with a small sigh: "Nothing, it's just … you're so damn beautiful."  
Harvey's smiled impishly. "You are not that bad yourself, Mr. Ross." And he kissed him lazily before he dragged his body away from Mike's and came back to the initial plan: "Let's go take a shower."  
Harvey's bathroom was even more luxurious than Mike's own. The fact of having an own en suite bathroom was luxury in itself but Harvey's bath did not only have a shower but a big shiny copper bathtub. Mike walked around the perfectly polished tub and whistled through his teeth in admiration: "We are definitely going to use this very soon, I hope!"  
Harvey smirked at him and turned the water on before he returned to grab Mike round his waist and lick at the shell of his ear, humming in approval. "Hmmm, I am sure we can find time for this very soon." He gently bit Mike's earlobe, making him shiver. "But for now I want you in my shower and to get your come off of me."  
Oh god, that sentence alone was so insanely hot that Mike felt his cock twitch again with interest.  
They stepped under the warm spray and Harvey immediately started to foam the soap. The warm water would not run endlessly and he wanted at least enough time to get soap everywhere on Mike's skin.   
Mike was happy to join and took the bar from Harvey. They let their hands wander over each other’s bodies, cleaning the come away and caressing every inch of skin they could find.  
Mike sensed Harvey hardening again under his touch and his own cock twitched from the mere perception.  
With Harvey's swelling cock in his hands he knew what he wanted. He knew this had not been enough, that he wanted more – he wanted everything ... Harvey inside of him.  
Mike’s lips were very close to Harvey's ear now, his hand stroking him to full hardness.   
"I want you to fuck me," Mike whispered. His voice had become a throaty purr. Harvey hummed deep in his throat, the picture Mike's demand planted in his mind made him shiver. A needy whimper escaped Mike as Harvey slid his arm around his waist and cupped his buttocks to turn them around and press Mike up against the wall: "Oh god, Mike ... I want to be inside of you, I want to feel you around my cock."  
They stumbled out of the shower kissing and barely giving each other time to get dry before Harvey took Mike with him into his bedroom.   
Mike did not take the time to look around. He only noticed that it was dark in the room, just one little lamp smoldered somewhere in a corner. They steered toward the bed kissing and touching, hands everywhere, vibrating with anticipation till they tumbled on Harvey's bed and crawled further upwards until their bodies were completely lined up on the mattress. Harvey above him, touching his body from head to toe felt so insanely good. Mike arched his back and parted his legs to take Harvey between his thighs, their cocks rocking together perfectly now. Harvey dove into the curve of Mike's neck and let his teeth wander over the sensitive skin all the way to Mike's collarbone and down his chest.  
Mike was already panting and whimpering under each of Harvey's touches. Being finally on the receiving end with Harvey’s strong hands on him was almost too much to handle. Mike felt like every nerve in his body was overcharged.  
Harvey had to break contact to reach for a glass of Vaseline he had placed somewhere next to his bed.   
Mike was genuinely surprised to see that. "You are prepared!?"  
Harvey smirked: "Just because I have no experience it does not mean that I am completely unaware of the mechanics and I like to be prepared.”   
He was now kneeling between Mike’s legs and looked down upon the naked spread out body of Mike, who was able to strip Harvey of every little shred of self-control, nobody had ever affected him like this. Harvey knew Mike had done everything to make it easy for him and Harvey had followed him willingly but now he wanted to do the same to Mike. He felt more confident now that Mike had taken most borders down for him.  
Harvey bowed back down and let his hands roam over Mike's chest and rib cage, down his sides and over his stomach. Mike's willing body rose into every touch and Harvey let his mouth follow the trail of his hands. Every contact of his tongue and teeth with Mike's skin elicited little moans and whimpers and Harvey could not get enough. Mike reciprocated so beautifully to his touches and it filled Harvey with something surprising and new: He felt possessive. It flooded his heart and body and mind, the urge to take and possess and own. To have Mike completely and to never let anyone else ever touch him again. His mouth had reached Mike's hipbone and without thinking about it Harvey sucked down hard. It rewarded him with a loud groan and when his lips left the spot, a deep red mark, almost blue, was left behind. He licked soothingly over the bruising flesh and the thought that Mike was going to wear this for days made his cock twitch and the desire to finally get inside of his beautiful lover hit him hard, made him moan with want. He dipped his fingers into the jelly and while his lips were back on Mike's to lick deep into his mouth as Harvey's fingers brushed and circled over Mike's hole.  
He had to remind himself that neither of them had ever done this, that Mike was as new to it as he was and that he needed to do this carefully, no matter how bad he wanted to get inside of him. Harvey pressed one of his fingers against the hole. Mike's arms reached around his waist and Harvey's moved his finger inside as slow as he could manage to go, shaking against his overwhelming desire he whispered against Mike’s lips: “I want you so much… I never wanted anyone like that…”  
Mike moaned and dug his fingertips deep into Harvey's sides.  
Harvey interpreted Mike's bruising grip effortlessly and stopped, feeling Mike clench from the intrusion and kissed him harder until Mike relaxed around his finger. Then he began to move again slowly and carefully until Mike's grip loosened again. When he could feel that Mike was beginning to relax enough and his finger was moving smoothly Harvey cautiously added a second finger and pushed in a little harder to finally find the spot that made Mike arch his back and moan with pleasure.

"Oh god, Harvey, please..."  
Harvey bit down on his under lip. He knew he should work another finger in but he needed to speed this up a little or he would probably come just from entering his lover. He tried to work Mike open more quickly. Mike was already a panting mess under his fingers and when he finally managed to get his third finger inside Mike cried out: "Please, Harvey ... Get inside, I need you, now, I don’t want to wait any longer!"  
Harvey could not hold back one more second. He withdrew his fingers and sank between Mike's legs, who spread them even more to get Harvey closer. Harvey gripped Mike's hips and lined him up with his achingly hard cock, aching to get inside. He brushed over Mike's hole with his slick tip, spreading his pre-come around the ring, eliciting another low groan, and then he pushed in as slowly as he could manage. Mike inhaled sharply, digging his fingers into Harvey's skin again and Mike's thighs wrapped tightly around Harvey's waist as he pushed in deeper, feeling Mike stretch around his dick and Harvey, was done.  
"Mike, you feel so good... oh god... "  
He just stayed there buried deep in Mike a few breathless moments. He did not move and let Mike adjust and himself get used to the feeling before he started to thrust in and out, to almost completely draw back and push in again. They were both moaning and panting now. Harvey could already feel his orgasm building.  
"Mike, you're so tight... So fucking tight… You feel so good…"  
Mike pushed into every one of his thrusts, arched his back to meet Harvey, to take him even deeper inside and he was so close in no time. Harvey reached for Mike's cock which was already dripping on his stomach and began to stroke him. He wanted to see Mike come this time, he wanted Mike to fall apart first and completely. He pushed in even harder and kept stroking him tight and fast.  
"I want to see you come, Mike, you come for me this time." And Mike obeyed immediately as if Harvey's words were the last little push over the brink. He came in Harvey's hand crying his name, his body stilled and then trembled and tightened around Harvey and carried him away. Harvey’s hips stuttered and, moaning Mike's name, his release pulsed through him, his vision blurred and he could only hold on to Mike and give way to the violent waves that washed over him until he could breathe no more and all his strength left him and he crashed on top of his panting lover, boneless, covered in sweat and come and just trying to start breathing again.

They just lay there in the darkness of Harvey’s bedroom, intertwined with each other, Mike’s hand buried in Harvey’s hair and the other flat on his sweat-covered back, Harvey’s ear pressed to Mike’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.   
When Harvey became too soft to stay inside and slipped out of Mike he was able to form coherent words again and the cool stickiness began to get uncomfortable between them. Harvey dragged his limp body away and smiled at Mike’s blissed out face that just cried to be kissed lovingly and devotedly before he finally broke free: “I suggest another shower.”

Clean and dry again they fell back into the bed and Mike instantly snuggled close against Harvey’s side and pulled him into a tight embrace. Harvey had never slept in one bed with someone like this. He had never wanted to be this close to any of the women he had had sex with. Not that there had been so many but with Mike he did not feel the need to get away again, to be alone again. With Mike it was more like there was no ‘too close’, there was no ‘too tight’ or ‘too intimate’. There was only ‘yes’ and ‘more’ and ‘right’. Harvey did not even know he was capable of feelings like these.  
“I can hear you think,” Mike whispered in a sleepy voice and raised his head once more to meet Harvey’s eyes.   
Mike suddenly became very aware that deep down he still felt a fear that Harvey would break away. The possibility that Harvey’s fears could still overwhelm him haunted Mike and just to think about the contingency hurt ineffably.  
“Do you want me to leave?”  
“What? Why would you say that? No!”  
Harvey closed his arms tightly around Mike and kissed the hairline on his forehead.   
“Mike, I just thought about how good it feels to have you here with me and that you are actually the first person that feels that way in my arms!”  
Mike's face lit up in a radiant dashing smile: “You feel perfect even inside of me.” He crawled up to Harvey’s mouth, kissing him slowly and languidly until he mumbled against Harvey’s lips:   
“Good night.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again. Finally Marvey-time :) like always I hope you enjoy it!

The next morning Harvey’s internal alarm clock did not fail him. He woke up before twilight. Only the faintest silver glow gave an allusion of where the sun would crack through the darkness in a few more minutes.   
Mike was still sound asleep, buried deep in Harvey's side, one arm across his chest. Harvey smiled while he watched Mike’s sleep softened, beautiful face. He looked even younger in his sleep and Harvey let his fingertips ghost along Mike's perfect jawline and over his soft lips following Mike’s cupids bow with his thumb. It would be a shame to wake him but he had no choice – it was time to go and get ready for the day. Harvey squirmed free from Mike's warm embrace and the movement was enough to leave Mike at least semi-conscious. Harvey's kisses did the rest and mere moments later sleepy sky blue eyes looked at him and a content cat-like smirk rewarded his wake-up technique:  
"Good morning principal Specter."  
Harvey smiled down at him.  
"I am not sure this is my favorite title when I wake up next to you – naked."  
"What? You are naked?" Mike mocked him with surprised eyes and convincingly offended tone of voice.  
Harvey kissed him and grinned against Mike's lips, humming in amusement:  
"Hmmm... And I would love to take advantage of this ... but you really have to go."  
Mike kissed him back once more and nodded. With a big sigh he rolled out of bed to collect his scattered clothes and got dressed. When he was ready to leave Harvey was there, still naked, slipped his arms around Mike’s waist and pulled him close, dragging his teeth over the sensitive skin behind his ear and down to the collar of his shirt, whispering seductively: "I can't wait to have you back here."  
Mike’s breath hitched and Harvey's voice and touch went right to his cock but there was no more time – no matter how much he might want it he had to get going. 

Attentively, Mike snuck back to his room. It was far easier to tiptoe down the stairs and check from upstairs if the air was clear than the other way round because no one would take notice of Mike walking through the teacher’s corridor, no matter which way. So it was enough for Mike to not be seen on the stairs that led to Harvey's quarters while Harvey being seen on this floor at all was suspicious and highly uncommon.

The following days did only matter because of their nights. During school hours they barely saw each other, only at mealtimes and sometimes between classes, but they avoided everything that might make anyone suspicious. Mike could not fully withstand though and snuck into Harvey's office once or twice between classes to share a passionate kiss – and knowing smiles with Donna when he left again.

Mike spent every free evening with Harvey although he could not extract himself completely from all social activities overnight. It would definitely make the others wonder if Mike went from being most convivial to not participating in any kind of evening past time. Every time he sat in the kitchen drinking and talking with the others or spent a night at the pub with them he could do nothing else but think of Harvey and what he could be doing with him right now instead of drinking beer with the others. He kept his appearance and was the same entertaining and bubbly Mike he had always been but he regularly said good night as soon as possible and went back to see Harvey and Harvey would be waiting for him every time, reading or working until Mike entered his room and crawled into Harvey's lap to kiss him and undress him as fast as humanly possible.

The first time he had to attend a collegial drink occurred only a few days after their first night together. Thanksgiving was over and everybody was back and inevitably the members of the staff had an appointment after dinner in the kitchen to catch up.   
Mike had only lasted for about an hour and a half before he told everyone he was tired and he internally thanked Donna for immediately jumping in: "Sorry to hear that but you go and get some sleep. Good night, Mike! Sleep tight!" And her impish smile counted as nothing but friendliness to the others.  
Her words nipped every discussion and any suggestions to stay for another drink right in the bud and Mike left to hurry upstairs.   
He found Harvey at his desk, reading. As Mike entered the room Harvey smiled welcomingly and when Mike went over to kiss him Harvey left his chair and sat Mike down on his desk so that he came to stand between his spread legs. He kissed him passionately and Mike's tie slid out of his collar in seconds and his shirt was unbuttoned hastily, followed by Harvey's craving lips and tongue all the way down to Mike's pants. Mike was paralyzed when Harvey fell to his knees, all he could do was moan and writhe under his touch and Harvey opened Mike's trousers with steady fingers and before Mike could do anything further Harvey took him into his mouth and worked his tongue over Mike's cock.  
"Oh god ... Harvey," he breathed shakily, succumbing to Harvey’s ruthless stimulation.   
Mike lost it in seconds. It was the very first time Harvey went down on him and it was so insanely hot to see him like that, to have Harvey on his knees between his wide-spread legs that Mike whimpered and panted uncontrollably. His hands desperately clawed around the edge of the table and his eyes watched Harvey's mouth swallowing him again and again and he was there embarrassingly fast and he mumbled some kind of warning but Harvey only sucked harder. "Oh shit, Harvey, oh god," Mike cried out and he came hard in Harvey's mouth, hips shaking and stuttering violently, and Harvey did not let go – he swallowed around Mike's cock, guided him all the way through his climax, Mike moaning and trembling, fingers buried deep in Harvey's shoulders and Harvey's name constantly falling from his lips. 

Even Harvey was not able to resist the temptation in the form of Mike Ross at all times during daytime. Sometimes even for him the day had too many hours and since Harvey knew exactly when Mike had to be where and when he had to go from where to where, Mike was grabbed by Harvey's strong arms out of nowhere and found himself in some kind of closet he had never even seen before and Harvey pulled him flush against his body and kissed him breathless. When both of them could breathe no more Harvey let him go and Mike whispered: “You know, I love being your only weakness.”  
Harvey chuckled but did not object. "You have to go to your class," he kissed him again for what seemed like an eternity until Mike finally broke free and hurried to his classroom, lips red and swollen and his tie slightly askew.

Two weeks had passed since their first night and like every evening until then Mike entered Harvey's room after dinner. Harvey sat on his cozy carpet right in front of the fireplace, his back resting against the couch, and he had already poured two glasses of red wine. One was at his lips the moment Mike entered, the other was waiting for Mike on the coffee table. When Mike reached the spot where Harvey was sitting strong hands pulled him down to the floor and onto Harvey's stretched out legs and his mouth was claimed for a long deep kiss.   
"I've missed you," Harvey purred. He always said that whenever they had not seen each other the whole day and it never failed to make Mike's heart jump, sending him back to the first time he had entered this room, worried and anxious, and Harvey had redeemed him with this exact words.   
Mike crawled higher into Harvey's lab and kissed him slow and appreciatively and Harvey kissed back, letting Mike in, stroking his hands up and down his back. Mike left Harvey’s lips and looked down at his lover. The fire danced in his dark eyes and he looked back at Mike with a warm and sweet smile on his beautiful face that made him look even more gorgeous. Mike was used to feeling at awe sometimes when he looked at this insanely handsome man who thanks to some kind of wonder belonged to him now but at this very moment he felt warm and safe and his heart was just overflown with feelings. Although he had known it since long before Harvey had even discovered his attraction to Mike, he had never uttered it but right now, as he drowned in those dark eyes, it just fell from his lips: "I love you, Harvey."  
One breathless second Mike's heart stood still. What if Harvey did not want to hear it? What if Harvey did not love him, just _wante_ d him? Had he scared him away now?  
But Harvey's smile only deepened, creating more crow's feet in the corners of his eyes, and his hand found the back of Mike's neck to pull him down and kiss him deeply but slowly and gently before he answered:   
"I love you too, god... I love you so much it hurts sometimes and I don’t even remember how it felt to not love you."   
And suddenly it was like a flood gate had opened, like Harvey could not have all of Mike fast enough. He took his face between his hands and pulled him into a bruising kiss, his hands fell down to the buttons of Mike's dress shirt and opened them with fast moves. As soon as he had pried it free from Mike's trousers he threw it aside and covered Mike's throat and chest with kisses, his hands on Mike's back and arms and sides. Mike's fingers followed quickly to get rid of Harvey's shirt while Harvey was already undoing Mike's pants and impatiently stripping Mike from his clothes. When Mike was naked Harvey broke away: "Wait here," he ordered softly and disappeared into the darkness that filled the room behind the burning fire. Mike took a sip from the still waiting glass and watched the dancing shadows that the blazing fire threw against the wall. In the background he heard fabric tumbling to the floor and a drawer being opened and shut again before Harvey came back and Mike felt strong arms slinging around his waist and a warm naked body clanged to his back. Harvey’s hard cock pressed into Mike's cleft. Mike melted into the embrace, the sensation of Harvey's hot erection between his buttocks went forcefully to Mike's cock and he arched his back to meet Harvey's dick and turned his head a little to kiss him. Harvey's hands found Mike's nipples and played with the soft flesh until they were hard and overly sensitive and Mike whimpered as Harvey took one of them between his fingers to twitch it a little and then the other one until his hands travelled on.   
Painfully slowly Harvey's hands made their way downwards. His hips rolled in steady waves, keeping Mike aware of how hard he was for him, moaning softly into Mike's ear while the tip of his tongue explored Mike's ear shell and the soft skin behind it, and he never stopped to let his dick slide up and down Mike’s crack. Finally when Mike had completely fallen into Harvey's body, writhing with heavy breathes, he took Mike's cock into a tight grip and ruthlessly thumbed the leaking tip. Mike moaned loudly, panting out Harvey's name, and Harvey found Mike's throat and sucked down hard, leaving a new mark low enough so that it would be hidden by Mike's collar. The mark would bruise beautifully. 

Mike whined faintly from the loss when Harvey let go of his cock to take a generous amount of the jelly he had brought with him and started to brush his fingers over Mike's hole. It was much easier than their first time now and Harvey had soon two fingers inside. His free hand collared Mike's neck and turned his head so he could kiss him filthily as his third finger slid in and took Mike's dirty groans right out of his mouth.   
He entered him in one firm stroke pushing all the way in while he held Mike tightly against his body, one arm around his chest and one around his waist.   
The feeling of Mike around him left Harvey breathless, every time anew he was overwhelmed with how much he wanted him panting into Mike's ear: "You feel so good around my cock, Mike... so good... You are so hot and tight and perfect…" and Mike arched back to meet his every move. Harvey withdrew himself almost completely and pushed in once more as slowly as he could manage, savoring the feeling of Mike closing around him. Mike reached around and dug his fingertips deep into Harvey's buttocks to pull him in again with this wordless demand Harvey was done teasing and began to thrust in earnest, establishing a rhythm, and Mike's arm stayed around him guiding him in as deep as possible with every thrust.   
Harvey loosened his grip around Mike's waist and his hand found his lover's cock and began stroking him, determined to take him apart. Mike’s head rested on Harvey’s shoulder, his neckline completely exposed, and it looked just too delicious to decline the invitation. Mike was already panting raggedly and Harvey knew Mike was so very close and he sank in one last time, buried inside of Mike’s tight heat as far as possible, and one last stroke took Mike away. His body stilled for a second before he came hard in Harvey’s fist with his name on his lips and his fingers buried deep in Harvey’s flesh.

Harvey was right there with him, Mike's tightness clenching around him and his lover's arm still wrapped snug around his body, holding him in a bruising grip his orgasm swept Harvey away, his head pressed to Mike's nape, he spent himself shaking and panting.   
Still connected Harvey lowered them down onto the carpet and his hand stayed on Mike's twitching, slowly softening cock.   
"I love you," he breathed into Mike's ear. "I never believed it was possible but I love you so much, Mike. I didn't even know I was capable of a love like that."   
For one long moment there was only their heavy breathing before Harvey slipped out and Mike turned around in his embrace to look at him, his eyes glassy and the hand that stroked through Harvey's hair shaky:   
“I sometimes wish I had met you earlier… All the time we missed not being together.”   
Harvey could not answer to that, his heart hurt from the image Mike had just conjured, and he only buried his face in the curve of Mike’s neck, indulging in the intoxicating smell of his skin. 

*****   
It was early December and dinner time. The whole school was on its feet on the pilgrimage towards the dining hall. Harvey called for Mike in a businesslike manner: "Mr. Ross, please, one word if I may."   
Everyone around had heard it and the adults probably figured Mike had once again done something Harvey did not approve of. The students on their parts saw just two teachers talking. Mike looked surprised and he genuinely was. What was so important Harvey had to tell him now? It was not typical for him to talk to his colleagues on the hallways or at the threshold to the dining hall right before dinner. They would see each other afterwards anyhow. Mike obeyed, self-evidently, and walked a few steps back to his principal. Students and teachers walked by on their way to dinner and Harvey stood there, hands in his pockets and his face completely professional and sincere as everyone was used to. It looked just like a perfectly normal quick exchange between the headmaster and the English teacher.   
"Mr. Specter, what can I do for you?" Mike asked politely.   
Nothing in Harvey's demeanor changed the slightest bit when he opened his mouth but his words where very, very faint, almost toneless, and only Mike was able to hear them: "Tonight I want you to fuck me," and for a split second Harvey's eyes sparkled with lust before he added in an airily conversational tone: "That would be all, Mr. Ross." A very small, dirty smile played around his lips that only Mike could see.  
Mike was helpless. Harvey's almost inaudible indecency made him shiver, arousal shot through his whole body like a wildfire and his cock twitched dangerously in his pants. Mike desperately reminded himself where he was right now and that he was damned to do nothing. Oh god! What did Harvey do to him!   
Harvey was obviously very content with the outcome, absolutely aware of Mike’s internal fight. "I’ll take that as a yes," Harvey stated nonchalantly and left Mike as he would normally do when the conversation was over for him. Mike stood there, breathing deeply a few times to get a grip on himself.

Nonetheless he had to fight his threatening erection all through dinner.   
At the end he was able to leave the table without embarrassment and rushed back to his room where he had to wait at least twenty more minutes before the house had calmed down.   
As soon as curfew was in place and the sound of slamming doors and footsteps on the hallways had faded Mike left his room and snuck to the third floor to find Harvey.   
The bedroom was empty and so was Harvey’s living room therefore Mike entered the study and found the doors to the balcony wide open. It was the first week of December by now but the weather was mild and the wind carried salty air into the room. Mike leaned onto the doorframe and watched Harvey standing on the banister, looking into the dark garden. He wore a white undershirt which exposed his muscular arms, and his suit trousers, barefoot on the grey stones of the balcony.   
Harvey turned around and smiled broadly when he saw Mike standing there watching him. He stepped inside and immediately pulled Mike into a kiss.   
Mike mumbled against Harvey's lips: "Do you know what you did to me? That was wicked." 

Harvey smiled and with a mischievous sparkle in his dark eyes he slowly pushed Mike back into the room with one hand flat on Mike’s chest. Harvey stopped him somewhere in the middle of his study and slowly hooked one finger into the gap between the buttons of his shirt and pulled him close. His lips found the shell of Mike’s ear and he purred throatily: "I loved to watch you at dinner."  
Harvey started to open the buttons of Mike's shirt slowly, one after the other. Mike had to close his eyes to uphold at least a little self-control while Harvey's hot breath against his ear sent shivers all over his skin.  
"You could not stop thinking about me," Harvey went on, breathing his words against Mike’s skin, and pushed Mike's shirt open while he planted small kisses on his chest. "You desperately tried not to get hard, didn’t you?"  
Harvey kissed the pulse point on Mike's throat and sucked softly one the pulsing spot. Mike's breath grew heavier with every word and every touch.  
"You thought about how it would feel to fuck me."  
Harvey kissed along Mike's jaw line while his hands pushed Mike's shirt down.  
"How I would feel around you, how it would feel to be deep inside of me."  
Mike moaned helplessly under Harvey’s sweet torture. Harvey had reached Mike's lips and gently bit his under lip, sucking it in before he claimed Mike's mouth for a dirty kiss.  
Mike needed to restore equilibrium and directly reached for the bulge in Harvey's pants, stroking him through the fabric and Harvey moaned deeply under Mike's touch.   
"I bet you thought about me, too! Look how hard you already are for me, Harvey. Did you imagine me? Did you imagine me fucking you?"   
"Oh god, Mike... Yes, I did... I want you to come inside of me." 

They undressed each other, impatiently kissing and maneuvering through the rooms toward the bed, and only moments later both of them were naked and crawled on Harvey's bed still entangled in each other’s' embrace. Mike rolled them over to get on top and seated himself on Harvey’s thighs to be able to reach for the Vaseline before he slid between his legs and set his mouth to work, unhurriedly exploring Harvey's erection with his tongue. Mike took his time and licked along Harvey's length before he teased around the tip and let his tongue explore the sensitive flesh while he listened with satisfaction to Harvey's hissing sounds and a long groan when he finally closed his lips around Harvey's cock and took him into his mouth while his hand wandered to Harvey's entrance. 

Mike needed almost all of his self-control to focus on sliding one finger into him, slowly burying himself inside his lover. Harvey tensed momentarily and then relaxed, hesitantly accepting the strange new feeling of intrusion.   
Carefully moving in and out until he was convinced Harvey could take more, wanted more, Mike let go of Harvey's dick to find his lips again and kiss him hard while he slowly added another finger, patiently working him open. Mike murmured reassurances and Harvey’s hands held tight onto his shoulders as his hips began to move increasingly unbridled, rolling in time with Mike's rhythmical movements, seeking more with every thrust of Mike’s fingers. 

Mike loved to see Harvey spread out underneath him, reduced to a needy mess by his touch, his fingers now clinging to the sheets and bucking desperately against him.   
When Mike could feel that Harvey was loose enough he slicked himself up and slowly but steadily pressed the head of his cock inside, pausing to take a shaky breath.   
Mike knew he was practically clawing his fingers into the flesh of Harvey's hips, probably leaving bruises when he slid in deeper, but he desperately needed something to hold on to, to not come right then and there from the first deep thrust into Harvey. He needed to shut his eyes close and take a deep breath to regain at least a little control over his senses, but he held it together and started to move adjusting his angle until he got it right and was ready to glide in and out with deep thrusts. He opened his eyes again only to realize Harvey's gaze had never left him and locking eyes with him now suddenly overwhelmed Mike even more than anything that had happened between them until now. This was the ultimate confirmation Harvey could give him, this was Harvey overcoming each and every of his boundaries for him.

Harvey's lust filled eyes on him pushed Mike right to the edge but he wanted them to come together and reached for Harvey to stroke him firmly. It didn't need much more and Harvey came underneath him, his body clenching impossibly tightly, and Mike’s vision blurred as he shouted Harvey’s name and came so hard he could no longer consciously guide his hand that stroked Harvey through his orgasm, his hips stuttering uncontrollably.   
Mike collapsed on top of Harvey's sweaty come-stained torso, blissed out and breathless. Harvey closed his arms around him and they just waited for the sweat to dry and the breathing to become even again.   
Harvey whispered into Mike’s hair: “We should do this more often.”   
*****

Christmas casted it's shadows days before.

Pupils and teachers were going to leave the school on the 22nd to get home to their families and the school was going to be deserted until the 2nd of January when everybody would return.   
The air was filled with anticipation from the day a big Christmas tree founds its way into the entrance hall and another huge tree was placed in the dining hall. Both trees where heavily decorated with ornaments and candles. Every evening the staff lit the candles and filled the house with the cozy feeling that was part of the time before Christmas. The trees did not remain the only seasonal decoration: Bertha had an obsession for Christmas time and every staircase was decorated with green garlands and every fireplace mantel was draped with stockings.  
The evening before the beginning of the Christmas holidays transformed Woodlands into a humming beehive. Everyone was packing and carrying luggage around, the boys were collecting their stuff, constantly searching for lost things and asking around to get lent items back. In the evening they had a festive dinner and said good bye to each other. They would all be back next year.

Winter sun crawled through the window and bathed their bed in a golden glow which pulled Harvey out of his sleep. He blinked into the bright sunlight and squeezed his eyes shut against the sting the sun caused in his sleepy eyes. He turned around, away from the window, and snuggled into the warm skin of Mike's outstretched body. It was the 23rd of December and the first morning they did not have to part hurriedly to make sure Mike left early enough to sneak back to his room. The main building was empty, everyone had left for Christmas, and for once they had all the time in the world.  
Mike was still asleep, flat on his stomach, and Harvey was now lying halfway on top of him, his face buried in the curve of his neck and one leg over Mike's thighs. He drifted between sleep and wakefulness for a while until he realized Mike was slowly surfacing from his dreams. Harvey caressed Mike's sunbathed back with his hand, sliding it up and down his spine from his neck to his tailbone and up again until Mike started to writhe and stretch cat-like, indulging in Harvey's smooth strokes and the warmth of the sun. Mike turned his head towards Harvey, a sleepy smile on his lips, and the light met his baby blue eyes when he purred: "Good morning."  
Harvey's hand rested on Mike's butt, thumbing the small dimples he had there, and his slowly hardening erection pressed into Mike's side. He breathed small kisses into Mike's shoulder: "Good morning ...."  
Mike lazily slipped an arm around Harvey's waist and caught his lips to kiss him. It was a slow and tender kiss, languorous but deepening with every lick. Mike turned under Harvey and rolled him atop on top of him, lining Harvey up with his own body, feeling their cocks twitching and growing between them. It was slow and tender and unhurried. Mike spread his legs to let Harvey sink between them. Mike was still loose from the night before and Harvey was able to slide in easily. They stayed like this, every inch of their bodies touching, kissing deeply and leisurely, moving together in a steady rhythm. Their orgasms built slowly but the peak was core-shaking and left them behind in a boneless heap.

After they had showered and dressed only in undershirts and slacks they went down into the kitchen where Harvey started to work unerringly through the drawers and closets. Mike sat on the countertop of the kitchen isle and watched with unhidden surprise. He watched him make coffee and put a pan on the stove and when he started to break open the eggs Harvey became aware of Mike's incredulous look and smirked while his hands continued to make breakfast: "You know you are catching flies there... Did you think I don't know how to make something to eat?"   
"Honestly, I did not think you'd know how to boil water down here... I mean it looks like you cook here every day."   
Harvey poured the eggs into the pan and sliced bread he had found in a wooden box: "This is not the first holiday I spend here alone and dependent on my own skills to provide food, my darling. Until this day they did not find me starved in my room which means I am capable of hydrating and nourishing myself. I suggest you get us plates and cups and whatever necessary to eat this delicious breakfast I am in the process of cooking."   
Harvey laughed at Mike and pointed to one of the cupboards on the other side of the room with the knife he was still holding. Mike hopped down from his observation point and got to work but not before he had pressed a smacking kiss on Harvey's lips. 

After breakfast they decided to saddle the horses and ride to the coast and along the waterline since they would not be missed and for once had not to be back in time. The winter had been exceptionally mild until now and the sunny day was perfect for a ride.   
The families who lived in the attendants' houses on the property were still around, including the stable boys. After all, the horses had to be taken care of at all times. Nonetheless the stables were empty and they saddled their horses unobserved.   
Three hours later they reached a small seaport far enough from Woodlands to not be recognized and got something to eat, afterward they found a spot on the beach and just lingered in the sun for a while.  
Harvey’s head rested on Mike’s thighs and Mike’s hand played thoughtlessly with his hair, their eyes closed against the sun.  
“This is the first time we have a whole day together,” Mike said. ”…I love that… No prying eyes, no fear of getting caught…”  
Harvey hummed in agreement. “Hmmm… yes, I wish we could do that more often.”  
Harvey sat up so he could look Mike in the eyes, his head shadowed Mike’s face but the bright sunlight made the sky in his eyes shine and a few faint speckles had formed around his nose. Harvey reached for Mike’s face, this beautiful perfect face he loved so much. Harvey’s finger brushed over Mike’s cheekbones: “Sometimes I still cannot believe you are here, you found me. I love you, Mike.”   
Harvey’s heart still accelerated whenever he kissed Mike and every time he had his warm skin under his hands or felt Mike’s touch on his body. Harvey could not get enough of touching him and being touched, even if, given his life before Mike, that still scared him a little. How was it even possible to need someone that much? 

In the evening Mike and Harvey were spread out on the couch in Harvey’s living room. Mike had found his place between Harvey's legs, intertwined in one another his head rested on Harvey’s chest and he listened to Harvey’s voice reading a new book he had bought called “Cripps the Carrier”.

Harvey’s deep vibrato and the warmth of his body threatened to carry Mike slowly away into his sleep. He could already feel sated heaviness settle in his limbs as Harvey stopped reading and his hand found its way under Mike's shirt, caressing the soft skin before he whispered: "I want you to come to New York with me after Christmas.”   
Mike was wide awake and practically jumped from their embrace and kneeled between Harvey’s legs to be able to face him. Harvey smirked at Mike’s glowing smile and big bright blue eyes.   
“What? Are you serious? Of course I come with you! Something special to do there or is this an official holiday?”   
Harvey leaned forward and grabbed Mike by his shirt, yanking him forward to kiss him. His joy was just too adorable to not kiss him.   
“Well, it is not that I have something important to do. I just love the city and we could visit my tailor and get a few new suits.”   
“So that is the secret behind you marvelous looks! I don’t think I’d enjoy seeing another man fumbling on your trousers but I think I can live with it for the sake of your good looks. When do we go?”   
“I’d suggest we take the horses down there on 25th and we can get back at some point of time before 2nd of January. Maybe it would be wise to be back before New Year’s Eve… Just to be safe.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that took really long and I apologize! We are getting close to the end of this fic and I still cannot believe that [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) is still with me sorting adamantly through my chaos.

Mike was exited. He threw his saddlebags over Daisy’s back as Harvey did the same with Blake.  
The stables were empty in the morning of their departure. No stable boy was around and it was completely silent except for the sound of Blake’s hoofs on the floor when Harvey led his horse next to Mike and pulled him into a tight embrace mumbling into the soft skin of Mike’s neck: “Do you want to take Blake today?”  
Mike closed his eyes for a second and indulged in the frisson Harvey’s touch sent over his skin, humming in appreciation: “Hmmm…I’d love to. Are you sure?”  
Harvey smiled against Mike’s skin. “Of course I am. Blake loves you… and so do I.”  
On horseback, the ride to New York took only about two hours.  
The heart of the fashionable society of New York lay far downtown along Fifth Avenue, between Madison Square and Murray Hill.  
Harvey had booked them two separate rooms in one of New York’s most legendary houses. Few hotels could match the elegance of Hoffman House, which was situated on Broadway between 24th and 25th Street.  
This was where New York’s titans of industry and political power brokers congregated.  
The hotel was known throughout the country and the mahogany-walled males-only grand bar and salon was famous not only in the city.  
It was already evening when they had unpacked and they did not leave the hotel that night.

The next morning after breakfast they went to meet Harvey’s tailor in the Garment District.  
René greeted Harvey like he was an old friend and Mike learned that Harvey had been buying his suits here since forever. Whenever he could not make it there in person, René had them delivered to Woodlands but Harvey seemingly made it to the city at least twice a year. It turned out that it was Harvey who had to watch another man fumbling on Mike’s frame because Harvey’s measurements where well known. Picking fabrics, colors and cuts and what else was necessary was surprisingly fun. Not that this was Mike’s first custom made suit but he was already a child of ready-made garments which just had to be adjusted here and there so he had never had a tailor he visited regularly. He thought he could get used to it, though.  
They took care to choose distinctly different styles to avoid Mike looking like he had borrowed Hervey’s suits. After René told them everything would be ready in two days they left and went for a light lunch before they explored the city.  
Halfway down Madison Ave Mike grabbed Harvey`s arm and beamed at him. Harvey felt reminded of a little boy in a candy store and seriously wondered what might be coming now, although he could not help but smile widely at Mike’s excitement.  
“I want to see the Mastodon! Come on, let`s see the Mastodon.”  
Before Harvey had a chance to answer, Mike was already five feet in front of him, striding down the sidewalk to the New York State Museum.  
“Come on, Harvey,” Mike urged when he noticed that Harvey had fallen behind.  
Harvey just laughed wholeheartedly and hurried to catch up with Mike who started to recite what he had read about the finding.  
Harvey barely listened to Mike’s words. He was too absorbed watching him being so happy and bubbly and he realized, not for the first time but with heart clenching force, how stupidly smitten he was with this brilliant young man. Harvey had never been like that, had never been so enthusiastic and unconcerned, but he had come closest to it since Mike was with him.  
How he wished he could kiss him right now! His fingers practically itched with the urge to grab Mike and claim all his beautiful excitement for himself. 

In the evening they had dinner at the hotel and since Mike had had enough wandering around for one day they decided to have a drink at the famous salon.  
The plush high-ceilinged salon displayed a long wooden, heavily carved bar, which included the customary brass-plated footrest. The floor was covered with Turkish rugs, marble and bronze statues of Eve and Bacchus lined the walls, and the walls were decorated with fine tapestries, said to have been made especially for Napoleon I. Also adorning the walls were several nude paintings, the most famous of which was an enormous painting called Nymphs and Satyr. This painting was one of the main reasons this bar was on everyone’s lips.

Mike loved to see Harvey relaxed for a change. Nobody took any interest in them and for once they could just sit there and have an evening together in public. It felt almost surreal to see Harvey sitting in this bar surrounded by so many people and nobody even looked at them. It made Mike realize even more how secluded Woodlands was and how guarded he had become during these last weeks with Harvey. Here in this bar, back in the real world it became obvious that they were walking on egg shells every single day.  
They spent the night together in Mike's room and finally fell asleep after two rounds of earth shattering sex.  
In the morning Mike woke up first which was a very seldom seen phenomenon. He propped himself up on one elbow and took the opportunity to watch Harvey’s sleep-softened face. He looked so much younger when he was relaxed. The blanked pooled loosely around his waist and showed the scars on his back. Mike was still not used to them. His eyes were drawn to the white lines on his lover’s beautiful skin and it his heart still hurt when he thought about the story they told.  
 "What are you thinking about that loudly?" Harvey croaked sleepily and without opening his eyes.  
Mike smiled from one ear to the other when Harvey caught him in his contemplation and kissed him good morning on his cheek, still smiling against his skin before he turned serious again. Mike cleared his throat before he decided to tell Hervey what he had been stewing over for a while now, still uncertain if it was a good idea.  
"Maybe it is not my place to ask you that, but have you thought about maybe visiting your mother? Didn't you tell me your home is not far from New York?"  
It was quiet between them for several moments until Harvey opened his eyes and sat up enough to be able to meet Mike's gaze. He took Mike's chin between his thumb and index finger: "First of all there is no 'not your place' when you talk to me, Mike. Everything is your place to say. Do you understand?"  
Mike smiled almost timidly and nodded before Harvey went on.  
"Maybe you are right and I should go and see her. I hired someone to live in her house and take care of her but they say she probably won't live another year."  
"Then let's have breakfast and I'll wait for you until you come back. I'll find something to do."  
Harvey exhaled deeply and kissed Mike before they rolled out of bed and got ready for the day. 

Mike spent a few hours roaming the streets and visited the famous Metropolitan Museum of Art he had read about when it was formally opened four years ago. Harvey had told him he had already been there several times and that he would not mind if Mike went there on his own.  
He found a few newly published books he did not know yet, had something to eat near Central Park and took a long walk through the park, which had only been officially opened a few months ago. He returned to Harvey's room in the late afternoon to wait for him. Mike was reading one of his new books on the windowsill which was always and everywhere his favorite place, when Harvey returned.  
He looked sad and vulnerable and Mike instantly regretted his proposal to see his mother, but on the other hand it hopefully had been the right thing to do since Harvey would have regretted not having seen her even more once she was gone.  
Harvey threw his coat on a chair and wordlessly pulled Mike into a tight embrace to burry his face in the warm skin of Mike's neck. Mike just held him tightly and let his hands wander over Harvey's back soothingly.  
“I`m sorry, Harvey…” What else could he say? “I am so sorry.”  
He did not know how much time had passed when Harvey lifted his head again and he let his forehead rest against Harvey's: "No, you were right. It's just... You know, to see her like that... Not even knowing her own name ... It’s like living in a nightmare. She kept on talking about my dad… my real dad… She talked about him like he was still alive and I could not stop imagining myself one day like that. Losing myself, losing everything I once was.”  
They stayed in their room for the rest of the evening. Harvey was visibly shaken and Mike hated it to see him like that but he knew there was not very much he could do but try to comfort him. So they ended up crawling into their bed early and Mike did not let go of Harvey until they both fell asleep. 

The remaining days were filled with visits to museums, the theatre, restaurants and bars. Harvey seemed to know every place to be and they always returned to their hotel late at night and slept in every day. Mike fell even more in love with Harvey’s relaxed and carefree self. He laughed and smiled more in this few days than Mike had seen him in the last months and Mike loved seeing him like that.  
The 31st was there in no time and they wanted to return to Woodland to have one more calm day together before everything had to go back to normal. They left their room early in the morning and went down to get their horses from the stables. Due to the early hour the stables were quiet and only one boy was around, watering the animals and feeding them. Mike stood next to Daisy to close her cinch when Harvey led Blake right in front of Mike and brought him to a halt so he could get inappropriately close and would not be seen between the horses. He leaned in, almost touching Mike’s ear with his lips, and Mike’s hands closed a little tighter around the leather straps and the hair at his nape stood up in anticipation of Harvey’s touch. Harvey whispered: “Before we leave I have a surprise for you." He backed up two steps and the sexual tension was gone, leaving a beaming Mike behind.  
“What? What is it? Oh no, but I didn’t give you anything, not even for Christmas… “  
Harvey laughed at Mike’s wavering between excitement and humiliation and he cocked his head, his voice suddenly very serious but faint enough that only Mike was able to hear it:  
“You are everything I could have wished for. Mike… Stop worrying and come with me."  
Harvey pointed his head back to the far end of the stables and left Blake standing next to Daisy. Mike followed him, confused and curious and still a little ashamed about the fact that Harvey had a gift for him and he had not thought about something for him.  
Harvey stopped abruptly. "I hope you like it."  
Mike did not understand... And then he thought he might understand but he could not quite believe it. Was Harvey serious?  
Right in front of them in a closed box stood the most beautiful and amazing horse Mike had ever seen. At first he thought he was wrong but the branding unerringly proofed it was a thoroughbred Trakehner. A Roan Trakehner to be exact, something you did not see very often. Mike had never seen one until that day. The huge, majestic, noble stallion’s fur had the color of golden sand. The horse was of rectangular build, with a long sloping shoulder, a strong, medium-length back and powerful hindquarters. The head was finely chiseled, narrow at the muzzle, with a broad forehead.  
It was flawless! Even the saddle it was wearing was exquisite and perfectly matched the color of its fur.  
Mike was in awe.  
That could not be what Harvey meant to be his present! That was insane!  
Harvey chuckled fondly.  
"It is yours, Mike... You can touch it."  
It was true! Harvey had been referring to the horse.  
"Harvey, this is... I can't... It is far too much ... Harvey! Where did you even find it?"  
Mike was flabbergasted and Harvey seemed to love every second of it.  
"I had it found for you! I wanted something special. Don't you dare tell me you cannot accept it. I want you to have it. It is perfect for you."  
Mike only heard half of what Harvey was saying as he carefully took the horse's reins and touched its forehead.  
"Harvey, I don't know what to say… I love it! Does he have a name yet?"  
"It is your horse and you can give him every name you want," Harvey smiled.  
"Do you remember the first book you read to me to see if I knew it by heart?"  
"Yes, I remember. It was Seneca."  
"So I name him Seneca."

Mike and Harvey returned to Woodlands around noon on New Year’s Eve and after New Year everybody else did too. Mike vaguely told everybody who asked how his holidays had been that he had spent it with his family and since nobody knew anything about his family it was just accepted like that. Not that anybody had further interest in it. The second half of the school year went by quickly and at the end of June Mike's eldest students finished school and went off to start their lives after school. It was his first time to see off a class and it made Mike feel a little proud to see them leave, ready to conquer the world.  
The summer with Harvey was the happiest time they ever had because they were alone and carefree for six whole weeks. Harvey had found them a house at a beach far away from everything and everyone and they just lived from one day to the next.  
With the new school year came new students and faster than they could think one year had passed bye.

It was December, one year after Mike and Harvey had gotten together, when two letters from Harvard arrived at Woodlands. One for Mike and one for Harvey. Harvey had taken both letters with him from the big table in the entrance hall where all the mail was placed every day so pupils and teachers could collect their letters. Harvey did not really think about it, he just figured he could give Mike his letter in the evening when they would see each other. 

Like every night for the last year Mike came looking for Harvey after dinner and found him in his study sitting behind his desk. Something was wrong. Mike knew it the second he laid eyes on Harvey. Two buttons on his dress shirt were open, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and his hair was ruffled, showing that Harvey had dragged his hands through it more than once. A big glass of Whiskey was in his right hand which he was holding against his forehead. The gesture had Mike immediately worried although he had no idea what could possibly have happened.  
“Harvey, what is wrong?” he asked, silently suspecting it had something to do with Harvey’s mother. What else could it be?  
Harvey did not answer, he reached for an envelope that lay on the desk and gave it to Mike.  
“This is for you.”  
Mike did not know what to think of it and sat down on the chair to read his letter.  
It took Mike only minutes to read through it and only seconds until he knew what to do.  
“Harvey, I am not going to do this… you know I could never leave you, I don’t want to leave you. I want to stay here… with you.”

Harvey had always known that someday this would have to end. He was deeply and indelibly in love with Mike but he also knew that this could not go on forever. Mike was so young, he had all his life ahead of him, he had an exceptional mind and he could not stay here forever. How long could Mike stand to be at this school and sneak around and hide? Mike deserved a life and he had to embrace the bright future that lay undoubtedly before him.  
Just thinking about it tore his heart to pieces and he had to swallow hard before he was able to talk:

“Mike, I don’t want you to leave. I love you more than anything in the world, but you should really think about this. An offer from Harvard is nothing you turn down easily. This will influence your career for the rest of your life. They want you as an assistant professor. That offer won't come again if you turn it down and you would be forever known as the one who rejected Harvard.”  
Mike paled right in front of Harvey’s eyes.  
 “Harvey, what are you saying? You think I should do this? You want me to leave?”  
Harvey could not stand watching the pain in Mike’s eyes and the hurt in his voice. He left his chair and paced around the table to take Mike into his arms. It was so hard to even form the words he was about to say.  
“I don’t want you to leave. I just know that you cannot live like this forever! You are twenty-two, Mike, how long can you sit here with me in the middle of nowhere and hide and sneak around and avoid not getting caught one day? Do you really think this has a future? Have you never thought about how we can go on with this?”  
Mike started shaking in Harvey’s arms. He heard what Harvey was saying but he could not stand what it implied. The mere idea already felt like his heart stopped beating from the pain. How should he ever go on without Harvey? Without his presence, his smell, his touch, his warm body next to him…he couldn’t, just like he couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.  
“No, Mike, don’t cry, don’t. Please, just—please think about it.”  
Harvey caught Mike’s tears with his thumb, brushed them away and kissed his flushed cheeks.  
“Please, just promise me we will talk about it again, don’t decide this tonight, please," and he planted kisses all over Mike’s hot teary face.  
Mike could not answer him, his hands knotted into the fabric of Harvey’s shirt, desperately holding on to the love of his life, but he nodded, too shaken to think, and Harvey smiled a sad smile, before he kissed Mike and pulled him into his arms again, holding him close and tasting the salty tang his tears had left on his lips. They loved each other desperately that night. It was hungry and deep and passionate, it was like holding on to each other for dear life, and Mike could not stop the tears rolling from his eyes and mumbling “I love you, I love you so much…” when Harvey was buried deep inside of him.

Harvard requested Mike's answer within four weeks which gave him until January to fight a constant inner battle. He knew that Harvey was right about everything he’d said. It was a unique chance which would not come back and they were lucky they had managed to stay undetected until now but for how long could this go on?  
It would destroy Harvey’s life if it ever happened to come out, not to mention his own career but no matter how much Mike reasoned and how many good points he found, there was always the thought of leaving Harvey that swept it all away, obliterated all his argumentation.

Harvey watched Mike's struggle for two weeks before he talked to him about it again. Christmas was over and they were still alone in Woodlands. Harvey had cooked dinner in the kitchen with Mike's assistance and afterwards they had eaten down there before they had returned to Harvey's living room.  
They sat in front of his fireplace for a while and watched the fire, a glass of red wine in their hands, until Harvey finally decided to talk about the horse in the corner.  
"Have you decided what you want to do?"  
The sadness in Mike's normally so lively and vibrant eyes broke his heart. Mike sat there between Harvey's legs on the carpet, in the very same spot where he had told him that he loved him and now he told him with tears in his eyes: "I don't want to leave you."  
And Harvey took Mike's face in his hands.  
"I know Mike."  
Mike squeezed his eyes shut and the tears started to roll down his cheeks when he went on with a teary voice. "But I know you are right and that it is only a matter of time before our little bubble here is going to burst and it kills me to think about what that would mean for you."  
"And for you, Mike. You are going to tell them you'll take the offer?"  
"I am not even able to say it, Harvey... It kills me... I cannot be without you...I don't know how..."  
Harvey fought back the tears he could feel rising in his eyes but he had already lost that battle, this time he could not hold back and he cried helplessly. 

The day Mike left Woodlands came too fast, too soon. During their last few nights Mike crawled on top of Harvey and fell asleep there with Harvey’s arms wrapped around him and his face pressed into the curve of Harvey’s neck.  
Harvey was not able to sleep much at all. He lay there in the dark and held Mike close, sometimes so close that he almost woke him. The pain in his heart, the knowledge that in a few more days this would be over, did not allow him to close his eyes and miss one second of it. No matter how hard they tried to brace themselves for what was coming, it was still the hardest thing they ever had to do.  
They said their goodbyes in the early morning in Harvey’s room and while everybody else was out there on the driveway to hug Mike and kiss him goodbye and wish him all the best and wave after his coach Harvey stayed in his office and watched Mike leave through his window. For once in his life everybody would have been able to read his emotions on his face if anyone had been there.

Mike wrote to Harvey every week and Harvey kept answering. They had been doing this for months now and Harvey was hardly able to deal with it. The first weeks he had felt like dying, like his heart hurt in his chest and he could not breathe enough air into his lunges. He could not force his body to eat and it took him more strength that he had in him to pretend nothing had happened. The letters were the only thing that made it at least possible to imagine that his heart was still alive when all he could feel was numbness. He knew he looked pale and he knew he had lost a little weight and he also knew he drank too much in the evenings but it was the only way he could sleep. Donna tried her best to comfort him, she kept showing up in his room from time to time to talk to him or she just sat there for a while to keep him company, but there was only so much she could do.  
One night Harvey’s living room door was opened without anyone having knocked before. Harvey turned around on his sofa to see who in the world had the effrontery to come in here when he saw Stephen standing on his doorstep.  
“Stephen! What are you doing here?”  
Harvey wasn’t the least bit offended about Stephen’s intrusion since the man was his oldest friend, the person he knew longest in this house, but he was truly surprised to see him here.  
Stephen closed the door behind him and walked over to Harvey. He sat down next to him before he started talking.  
“What do you think I am doing here?” He looked at Harvey seriously and full of visible concern. “Do you honestly think I am not able to see what is going on with you? Who do you think I am?”  
Harvey was shocked speechless. Stephen had never given him so much as a hint that he knew but on the other hand what else had he expected? Donna had known since the first day.  
Stephen kept on talking since Harvey could obviously not make up his mind what to say.  
“Harvey, I knew what was going on but you were happy for once in your life and I did not think it was necessary to talk about it. But now I cannot watch you suffer like this and pretend I don’t know.”  
The realization sank in slowly and Harvey left his state of shock bit by bit the more he realized what Stephen was telling him – yet he felt obliged to explain himself somehow.  
“Stephen, I never thought I’d… I didn’t know, I…” His words escaped him and he ended up staring at his own hands in his lap.  
Steven seemed to understand nonetheless.  
“Harvey, I don’t care. You are my oldest friend and I really don’t care. I only loved to see you happy and now I hate to see you hurting like that and I came to talk to you. I know it’s easy for me to say that but you cannot go on like this. It won’t stop hurting, I know that, but you have to take care of yourself again. I know you don’t like it but please, let Donna and me help you. We are here, we are in the same house as you and we are not going to watch you suffer alone. Tomorrow I am going to bring you something to eat to your quarters if you keep just picking your food on your plate at dinner.”  
Harvey had to laugh a little when he heard that and he had to admit it felt good to know that Stephen knew and Stephen made his promise true, he did not allow Harvey to drown completely in his sorrow.

Six month after Mike had left another letter arrived and in that letter Mike told him: _“They want me to go to Europe for one or more likely two terms... ”_  
That was the last sentence Harvey ever read from any of Mike's letters. He could not take it and besides all the hurt and pain he felt in his heart he had still enough self-preservation left to know that he had to cut off the arm to save the body. The letters had tortured him every time. As long Mike had been at Harvard it had at least been possible to betray himself with the hope to see him again. Of course it was impossible for Mike to visit him at Woodlands what possible explanation could have been given for that? And Harvey could not leave the school just like that to make a 4 hour ride to Harvard. When read that Mike had to go to Europe Harvey could no longer cling to some unreal hope. It hurt him more than he could bear. He had to cut Mike loose or it would have killed him.  
Donna kept picking up every single one of Mike’s letters that arrived from the big hall as soon as Bertha had left the mail there to avoid that anyone would start wondering and she still brought every letter straight to Harvey. Harvey threw every single one into the fire. He knew Donna too well to not suspect she would have read them if she noticed what Harvey was doing. She might even get the idea to write Mike back but he did not want that. Mike would be far, far away and live his own life, there was no use to hold on to anything. It took months for his heart to cease constricting in his chest every time he saw Mike's handwriting on the envelope.  
Eventually, Mike’s letters stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware, that the Mastodon was first mounted and displayed in 1867, at Geological and Agricultural Hall in Albany. In 1915, it was moved to the New York State Museum. But I just wanted it to be there for Mike.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.... this is it! The last chapter, everybody! Thank you all for reading and giving kudos and writing comments it was great to hear from you and I hope you'll like the end of this! 
> 
> Yes , I know you all know that by now but I say it again one last time: Thank you my beloved beta  
> [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) for doing this! I am truly honored!

Harvey arrived on campus late in the afternoon. He had taken Blake for the ride, the carriage and all his belongings would follow soon.  
Two years had passed since Mike had left and Harvey had been forced to move on somehow. The new assignment as Dean of the Classics Department at York University would hopefully help him forget. Back at Woodlands everything had reminded him of Mike, maybe he could finally breathe again away from there.  
He had gained a spotless reputation as headmaster of an elite school, he had taught many sons of the top four hundred families of New York and his name had made it to the board when it came to choosing the new dean.  
This was the peak of his career. He had already used his new position to take Donna with him as his secretary, and Stephen would also follow as a new associate professor. They were the only two people he considered family and he was not willing to lose them, too.  
Donna had been thrilled to move to New York and Stephen was convinced pretty fast as well, mainly by the salary the University would pay.  
The dean’s private residence was right next to the campus, a beautiful and newly renovated house, endowed with all modern comfort.  
Harvey moved into his new home and his new office without making a great stir and threw all his strength and efforts into his new appointment. He spent most of his time in his office working, every night until the late hour. Harvey had been used to insomnia before he met Mike and he had gotten used to it again after Mike had left. He knew that he fought his sleeplessness too many times with too much scotch but he could not bring himself to care.  
Mike had been gone for three years now and yet not a single day passed that Harvey did not miss him, did not think about him. He felt numb inside and dead to everything. He had lost the use of his heart since the one person in the world who had shown it to him had left. Maybe he should not have stopped keeping in touch with Mike but what would have changed that? The letters had tortured him, every single one. At least his new appointment kept him occupied and Woodlands was far behind. 

Harvey put on his evening attire. He hated the ball season in New York but the University was run by private money and their investors wanted the president and the deans to attend their festivities. Unfortunately, part of his job was playing nice with the board members and to always try and acquire new potential benefactors. New York’s high society kept busy with countless charity events and balls during the winter season and Harvey unfortunately was not able to avoid all of them. Tonight was one of those occasions since the president of New York University was the host. On the bright side he did not have to go alone since the President had invited most of his professors and well liked staff members, including Donna and Stephen. Due to his good looks and the fact that he was not married Harvey had somehow turned out as an eligible bachelor and that was something that he hated even more than the festivities themselves. Even after two years he could not even _think_ about anybody else by his side than Mike. No matter how beautiful, intelligent, charming the women might be – the wound still felt too fresh, and as stupid and unrealistic as that might be, he could not change that.  
Harvey adjusted his bow tie and turned away from the mirror. It was time to leave.

The ball was already in full swing when Harvey arrived. He somehow managed to find Donna and Stephen in the crowd and stayed with them which did not save him from constantly shaking hands of colleagues and other people whom he knew or only vaguely remembered. A handful of students were there as well only those with the wealthiest and most important parents of course. Harvey turned down several requests to dance with some kind of polite excuse and a fake debonair smile until finally he ran into the host who was also his boss and shared a brief handshake with Archibald Miller and even an original smile. Harvey liked the President. He was a very kind and acute man in his late fifties and although Harvey did not have many points of contact with him during every day's business he had always found him pleasant.  
"Ah, Mr. Specter, I am glad you could make it. It is really nice to have you here."  
Mr. Miller was genuinely pleased to see him and Harvey answered equally kindly.  
"Thank you for inviting us. It is always a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Miller."  
"May I introduce you to my wife? Darling, meet Mr. Specter, our new Dean of The Classics Department. This is my lovely wife Dorothy."  
Harvey made a graceful bow and implied a kiss on the hostess’ hand. Mrs. Miller seemed equally as endearing as her husband.  
A young pretty woman approached them and smiled radiantly at Harvey while she linked arms with Archibald Miller who reacted highly pleased.  
"Ah wonderful... Mr. Specter, this is my beautiful daughter Lola" And again Harvey was introduced and greeted the daughter with equal politeness. The Girl was probably about twenty five years old, he guessed, with dark hair and deep brown eyes. She was not breathtakingly beautiful but definitely good looking.  
Suddenly Mr. Miller smiled once more fondly and laughed. "And here is the newest member of our family my daughter's fiancé ..."  
And that was the last thing Harvey could hear. Suddenly his mind went blank and his heart stopped beating in his chest, because suddenly it seemed to have not enough space in there anymore, his guts turned forcefully and Harvey felt violently sick.  
The man Mr. Miller waved over and called his daughter's fiancé was Mike. Harvey clenched his jaws so hard it hurt in his muscles, his hands cramped into fists so tightly he almost broke the skin of his palms with his nails.  
Breathe, Harvey! Breathe! He desperately told himself.  
"... know each other, Mr. Ross used to work for you."  
Mr. Miller finished whatever he had just said and Harvey somehow pulled it together and made sense of the scraps of conversation. He stretched out his hand but it felt like his arm did not belong to his body and met Mike’s blues eyes and Mike pressed Harvey’s hand hard, hard enough to drag through Harvey's muddled senses and made his mouth speak.  
"Yes, of course, Mr. Ross, what a surprise to meet you here."  
Mr. Miller spoke again: "Michael just returned from Europe but now he is back and we can plan the wedding."  
So maybe that is why nobody warned him, why nobody told him, nobody knew.

Harvey had to get out of there, he could already feel his knees give in and his body tensed so hard it threatened to start trembling.  
"I am very sorry to interrupt but I have to steal Mr. Specter for a moment." Harvey had never been more grateful to hear Donna's voice. She managed to pry him free as politely as possible and Stephen showed up right behind her, smoothly filling the gap in the conversation, and only moments later Mr. Miller was chatting again and Donna held on to Harvey in a tight grip around his upper arm and steered him outside. 

The freezing air clawed into Harvey's spinning senses and wrenched him back to the surface. He was still shaking and he felt sick to his stomach.  
"Shit," was all he could utter, running his hands over his face.  
"Harvey, I am so sorry… Nobody had ever heard of Lola Miller's fiancé. Darn! Nobody had even heard of Lola Miller. What do you want to do now? Talk to him?"  
Harvey shook his head violently. The word _fiancé_ kept spinning in his mind and it felt like a burning knife had been stabbed into his heart and was turning around repeatedly. "I have to leave. I am sorry. Thank you Donna!" He hugged her quickly and absentmindedly before he fled.  
Donna still stood there when Mike appeared outside. He had obviously tried to find them but he was too late. Harvey was gone.  
Mike was out of breath and perceptibly disappointed to see Donna alone.  
"Donna, I did not know... I had no idea... I would have talked to him if I'd known."  
Donna was furious with Mike, although she knew that it was not all Mike's fault, she knew he had not simply left Harvey and she knew he had not been the one to break contact but Harvey’s hurt had really rattled her, she glared at him and almost shouted: "It nearly killed him to lose you, Mike!"  
Mike desperately ran his hands through his hair and Donna was almost prone to be pitiful, given Mike's obviously deep despair.  
"Me too, Donna, and I have to talk to him. I have to explain…"  
"Explain what? That you moved on? That you found a new love? That was pretty obvious, don't you think? Do you want to stick it to him some more?"  
Mike shook his head. He perfectly understood that Donna was mad and that she wanted to protect Harvey so he took her by the shoulders and made another serious effort to calm her down.  
"Donna, please, take a deep breath and think about whom you are talking to. It's me... Mike! Harvey is the love of my life and you know that. Please help me. I have to talk to him. I don't want to him to suffer. I swear I can explain everything but I'd rather tell Harvey first!"

Harvey was back at his house. As soon as the doors had closed behind him he could no longer fight back the tears and he finally gave in to the weakness his body felt and slid down to the floor.  
He did not know how long he had lain there but after some time he managed to drag himself up from the floor, clumsily getting rid of his bowtie, and he poured himself a big glass of scotch. His hands shook so much he had to concentrate to get a big gulp.  
It knocked on his door.  
"Harvey!? Please let me talk to you!"  
Harvey slammed his glass down onto the table and shouted angrily: "Shit! Go away! Go! Leave me alone!"  
It knocked again.  
"Harvey, please! I am not going anywhere!"  
Silence. Harvey was unable to move, his eyes watered again and he pressed the heels of his hands into his sore eyes to stop the burning but Mike was still there and he announced: "I have a key. I am coming in now."  
Harvey panicked.  
"Fuck! Donna, what have you done?"  
The keys turned in the lock and he was no longer alone.  
Mike, Mike was here. In his house. He looked like he had not left for a single day and he was here and he had missed him so much ever day of his life and... fiancé!! The word constantly echoed in his head … but what had he expected? It was exactly what he had told him to do! Build a future, have a life!

Harvey leaned heavily over the table and stared into the empty glass in front of him. He refused to look at Mike, he refused to let him see how lost and broken he was without him. He was the weak and pitiful former lover. Shit! Tears threatened to overwhelm him again but no, he would not allow himself to shed a single tear now.  
"Mike, please, I cannot talk to you right now. I can't... I can't..."  
Mike stepped forward, unabashed, and took Harvey's teary face in his hands. Harvey was to weak and too shaken to fight back and Mike came close, so close to Harvey’s face, his blue eyes drew Harvey in like they had always done and Mike just whispered: "Then don't talk. Just know I can explain everything and I love you, Harvey, I love you." And he kissed Harvey's red, swollen eyes and whispered again: "I missed you so much," and he found Harvey's lips and before he touched them he breathed: "Please let me..." and he pressed his lips against Harvey's and his tongue begged for entrance and Harvey was washed away.  
He opened his lips and led Mike in and an enormous wave of longing and desire descended upon them. Harvey’s heart threatened to burst out of his chest and nothing they could possibly do would be enough to satisfy his need to _feel_ and _have_ and _touch_ right now.  
They moaned when their tongues touched again after all this time and they devoured each other with their kiss and it still did not feel enough.  
"Please touch me, Mike, touch me please," Harvey panted between their desperate kisses and Mike was equally desperate for contact. They ripped of the fabric as fast as they could manage, touching every inch of revealed skin and clinching to each other.  
Harvey somehow gained enough clarity to steer them to his bedroom before he drowned again in Mike's kiss and touch. They were already naked when their entangled bodies hit the sheets and Mike was on top of him. Hungrily touching Harvey's sides and stomach and pressing his thumbs into the curve of Harvey's hips and Harvey arched desperately into every touch, pulled Mike down to reach the curve of his throat and dragged his teeth over the skin down to his collar bone where he sucked hard. Their cocks rubbed together and both men groaned loudly with every touch.  
Harvey reached between them and eagerly guided Mike where he wanted him.  
Mike lifted his head and scanned Harvey’s bedside table for anything he could use as lubrication but Harvey gave him no chance open the drawers.  
“Just come on, please, I want you, now.”  
“Harvey, just …”  
“There is nothing, Mike, and there is no way you are getting up now!”  
And once again Mike felt himself enclosed by Harvey’s strong demanding hand and he moaned deeply, letting Harvey rub the tip of his throbbing erection over his hole to spread his pre-come over it, and with every touch of his tip against Harvey’s entrance he leaked even more, trembling with need.  
“Harvey…” The intense longing in his own voice surprised even him and yet it was exactly what he was feeling.  
Harvey lifted his hips and urged Mike forward, pulling and pushing him inside, his fingers still wrapped around Mike’s dick until he was inside him deep enough for him to let go and until Mike was unable to worry any longer and sank into him.  
None of them were able to stop the loud moan that ripped through them when they were finally conjoint again. Mike lay there on top of Harvey, completely overwhelmed by the sensation of Harvey’s tightness, powerless to the feeling of _Harvey_ again.  
"Harvey… oh god… I missed you so much... you feel so good…Harvey…"  
And Harvey pressed his hand against Mike's tailbone and guided him inside even deeper, taking him in as far as he could, and they just stayed like that for a few breathless moments.  
Harvey buried his face deep in the curve of Mike's neck and he breathed into the flushed skin: "Oh god... I never thought I'd feel you like this again..."  
Mike made an attempt to move, slowly pulling out only a little before Harvey pulled him in again.  
"Ah... Harvey... I can't…too good."  
And Harvey moved his hips to meet Mike’s movements, groaning at the sensation of Mike buried deep inside of him, and he allowed Mike one last thrust before he took him back inside and Mike came, trembling hard, spilling his come into him and calling Harvey's name. Harvey felt his body still for a second before he came between them, untouched, spurting between their bodies, gasping for air.  
They lay in silence, listening to each other’s breathing. Mike did not move for as long as possible until finally he slipped out and a few moments later he reluctantly lifted his body from Harvey's and kneeled between his legs to be able look at him.  
"Harvey, please let me explain... I want to tell you what happened..."  
Harvey nodded gingerly bracing himself for reality to take over again before he sat up against the headboard. He did not even try to hide the weakness in his voice: “But there’s something I need to tell you first. I am so sorry I stopped reading your letters, Mike. I shouldn’t have done that, it was selfish and cruel but I simply could not stand the pain…” He knew it was no excuse, at least not for Mike’s part, but he wanted him to know why he had done it even if it meant to tell Mike it was nothing but egoistic self-preservation.  
Mike smiled at him and Harvey knew he was forgiven. There was no anger in Mike’s face and no waver in his voice when he answered: “I know that, Harvey. I understood what had happened. It was just very, very bad timing for you to stop reading at that exact point you obviously did.  
I met Lola’s brother at Harvard and we became friends. After some time he introduced me to Lola and we immediately liked each other. We talked for hours and we just had so much in common and... after some time I told her about you."  
Harvey’s stomach turned, he was alarmed the second he understood what Mike had just told him. The president's daughter knew! Mike put his hand reassuringly to Harvey's stomach, in an immediate attempt to calm him and a silent plea to let him finish: "That was when she confessed she had never been with a man and did not intend to be. She is in love with another woman."  
Harvey cocked his head examining Mike as realization slowly seeped in.  
Mike went on: "So we decided we could help each other. As the president’s daughter it would be a huge scandal if that should ever leak. Harvey, you did not answer my letters anymore and I had to leave shortly after we made that decision. I wrote you, I tried to tell you… and I only returned to New York the other day. Before I left we quickly got engaged to give Lola a rest from their family constantly asking her to find a proper husband. I sold my parent's house and bought something here in New York, well Lola’s brother managed that for me and I fear you will have to get used to me again because Archibald has offered me a job at the University. My plan was to ride to Woodlands and tell you in person during the next few days.”

Harvey was speechless, trying to digest what he just heard, and Mike simply sat there and smiled at him like he was able to see all the little gear wheels in Harvey’s brain working.  
“The first months at Harvard without you were a living hell, Harvey, I never suffered like that before in all my life. Meeting Lola and being able to finally talk to someone helped and when I left I knew I had to survive one more year without you. But I also knew that I would be back one day and that would find you once I was and I was sure that we would have figured something out. That kept me alive for that year!”

Mike crawled back upwards over Harvey, eyes glowing from a bright smile before he lowered his head and kissed Harvey’s stomach and rib cage and up his chest to his ear where he whispered seductively: “Did you really think I had moved on? That I would ever let anyone else fuck me or that I'd ever want to fuck someone else but you? It’s only you, Harvey… I am only yours.”  
When Mike was finished Harvey was rock hard again.

They did not sleep that night and barely left the bed on Saturday, and if they did it was only to eat something and have a shower. In the late afternoon on Sunday Mike finally put an end to their fucking marathon and suggested with a broad grin: “Let's get dressed and have dinner at my house. Lola knows where I am, of course, but she is surely dying to meet you after I was whining about you all the time. You know, _she_ read all of the letters I wrote to her while I was overseas and she answered them, too. Do you want to guess what she had to read about for the last twelve month?”  
Mike’s house was within fifteen minutes walking distance from campus, his new family had planted him in the middle of New York’s wealthy society.  
Lola opened the door with a welcoming smile and as soon as the door closed behind Mike and Harvey she pulled him into a friendly embrace. Harvey was genuinely surprised but he hugged her back.  
“Finally I meet the famous Harvey Specter in person!”  
Mike was next to be hugged.  
“You really did not exaggerate, Mike! I was wondering if the stories about your perfect man where not only due to your lovesickness!”  
She laughed and steered them into the living room.  
“Come in, have a seat.”  
Mike disappeared and came back with a bottle of red wine to pour them drinks while Lola informed them: “I took the liberty to fill Donna in after you two disappeared on Friday night. She was really upset and Mike told me that she knew about you two from the beginning, so I thought it might be a good idea to calm her nerves a little and keep her from stabbing me,” she giggled. “It took me quite some time, though, until I got her to listen.”  
Mike took a sip of his wine and smirked at his fiancée.  
“Thank you Lola, I admit I feel much safer knowing that Donna is hopefully not too mad at me any longer."  
Lola laughed and looked at Harvey who was sitting on the couch next to Mike.  
"Donna is really nice and so is Stephen! I swear my father didn't even notice Harvey was gone so fast. You have really great friends in them!"  
“Yes, I do”, Harvey confirmed. “And I am very happy to have them.”  
They drank to that and Lola told them a little more about what had happened after Mike and Harvey had left.  
Harvey had to admit that he liked the girl and her open and enthusiastic personality. He could see why Mike and her got along swimmingly.  
The evening was delightful. They had dinner and talked about Mike's time in Europe and Lola's time here in New York before she met Mike and her father was constantly trying to find her a husband .They had fun and Harvey recognized himself relaxing and feeling quite comfortable at the end of the evening when they said good night.  
“Go, boys, and have a good night I know you have a lot to make up for,” was the last thing Lola said before she dismissed them. Mike returned to Harvey’s house with him and somehow Lola's last words had made it finally and irrevocably clear to Harvey that this was real, that this was really happening.  
Harvey laid his waist coat aside and stepped up to Mike to hug him from behind around his waist and bury his nose in his hairline.  
"That was a really nice evening. Do you know how long it had been since I felt this way? Since I last had an honest laughter without something sitting heavy on my heart?"  
Mike hugged Harvey’s embracing arms and leaned back against his strong chest.  
"Yes, Harvey, I think I know exactly when that was and I think I was there, too."  
“So that’s how it is going to be now?”  
“That’s how it could be… if you want, Harvey.”  
"There is nothing in the world I want more."


End file.
